Bringing Back the Dead
by Xaleria07
Summary: When Shizuo dies, Izaya falls into a depression. Hoping to break him out of it and return him to his normal self, Shiki gives him Tsugaru. Izaya doesn't want to love anyone but Shizuo, but Tsugaru is determined to show him that he can fall in love again.
1. Chapter 1

**Hello everyone! So this is my first Durarara fanfic as well as it being my first boyxboy fic ever! So I apologize if it isn't that great and there's OOCness abound. XD This is totally new territory for me, but I'm excited to experiment with writing in this area. Enjoy the story~!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Durarara, because if I did, it would just be Shizaya all the time.**

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><p>He wasn't sure how long he had been sitting there, the memories haunting his mind.<p>

_Oi flea._

His hands clenched into fists, his eyes staring silently at the ground. He could almost see Shizuo back on that day…the day they finally cast aside their hate for each other and became lovers. He almost laughed as he remembered how cutely Shizuo had blushed as he confessed.

_I kinda like you._

But even as he opened his mouth, no sound came out of it. He couldn't laugh. There wasn't anything funny about this.

_So do you wanna, you know, go out sometime?_

His body trembled, unused to the feeling of being vulnerable and weak.

_I'd love to, Shizu-chan~_

He could almost see Shizuo in front of him, smiling that smile of his as he pulled out a cigarette. _Hey flea._ He reached out, as if to touch him, but smiled bitterly when he realized that he wouldn't touch anything. After all, Shizuo wasn't there.

Shizuo was gone.

"Izaya?" the concerned voice of his friend broke him from his trance. Izaya looked up at Shinra, the doctor's dark grey eyes worried. Izaya thought he looked a little strange out of his lab coat as Shinra was adorned in an all black suit, same as Izaya although Izaya had made sure his suit had his signature fur trim. Shizuo would probably laugh at him and his obsession with fur if Shizuo could see him right now. "They're about to take the body to the cemetery. Don't you want to look at least once?"

Shinra's words somehow made something in Izaya snap, making him realize that this indeed was all real. It wasn't a dream, or a nightmare, like he had been hoping.

This was reality.

Shizuo really was gone.

Izaya could only numbly nod, afraid that if he spoke he wouldn't be able to hold back the tears. He followed Shinra up to the front of the church, refusing to look at everyone else who was there. There weren't a lot of people, just their close friends. Kadota and his gang, Kida with his two friends, Shinra and Celty, Tom who was Shizuo's boss, and of course, Kasuka. All of them had their eyes on Izaya as he made his way down the center aisle, stopping as he got to the altar stage where a coffin was laid out on a table.

And there he was, looking like he was only peacefully sleeping with his arms folded over his chest, dressed a nice suit that was an upgrade from his usual bartender apparel.

As Izaya stared at the familiar face, reaching out to touch his soft blonde hair, he couldn't hold it back anymore. The tears fell freely from his eyes as he cried out, punching Shizuo in the chest. "You stupid protozoan liar!" he screamed, hitting the corpse repeatedly. "You lied to me!"

Kasuka made a move to stop him but was held back by Shinra who shook his head. Shinra's eyes went back to his friend, a sad look entering them. He motioned to the other shocked people to exit the church and allow Izaya some private time.

"You said you wouldn't leave me!" Izaya cried out, the tears blinding him as they fell down his face and his mind flashing back to that night.

"_Hm?" Izaya looked up from his work, a shocked look entering his face as he turned to his boyfriend. "What did you just say?" _

"_Oi flea, you weren't listening to me!" Shizuo growled, getting up from the couch and marching up to his boyfriend to pull him up by the collar of his shirt. _

"_Ne, Shizu-chan, say that again!" Izaya asked, his eyes shining. Did he just say what he thought he said?_

_A blush dusted Shizuo's cheeks as his grip on Izaya's shirt slackened some. He mumbled something under his breath._

"_Shizu-chan, I can't hear you~" Izaya teased._

"_Dammit flea, I said I love y—" Shizuo was cut off when Izaya leaned forward and pressed their lips together. The blonde responded, wrapping his arms around Izaya's waist to pull him closer. The two broke away moments later, catching their breaths as they stared at each other happily. _

"_I love you too, Shizu-chan," Izaya smiled, wrapping his arms tighter around the blonde's neck._

"_Silly flea," Shizuo mumbled, but he smiled as well. They two stood like that in silence for a while, content with just being in each other's arms._

"_Ne, Shizu-chan," Izaya said, breaking the silence. He pressed the side of his face against Shizuo's chest, clutching a bit of Shizuo's shirt in his hands. "You won't ever leave me, right?" _

"_Of course I won't," Shizuo snorted, burying his face into Izaya's raven locks. "You're stuck with me, flea." _

_Izaya smiled as he murmured, "Promise?" _

_Shizuo reached to grab Izaya's chin so that he could seriously look into his scarlet eyes. "I promise," he said quietly, his hazel eyes staring straight into Izaya's. Izaya could only smile wider, looking up at Shizuo who bent down and captured his lips once again. _

"You promised…" Izaya sobbed as his punches became weaker before stopping completely.

But the Shizuo in the casket didn't say anything.

Because the dead couldn't talk.

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><p>"<em>Hello? Izaya? It's Shinra. I just wanted to check up on you because everyone's worried about you. We haven't seen you since…the funeral. You should come over to mine and Celty's place sometime. It does not good to just dwell on the dead. Ow! What was that for, Celty? … Anyway, just call me sometime so I know you're okay, alright?<em>"

BEEP

"_Izaya, it's Kadota. Just wanted to know if you'd like to hang out sometime. We could go get a bite to eat at Russia Sushi. Simon said he hasn't seen you in a while. Well, give me a call anytime._"

BEEP

"_Izaya? It's Shinra again. I'm getting a little worried. We haven't heard from you in two weeks now. Are you doing alright? Celty's really worried about you so come over sometime, okay? Bye._"

BEEP

"_Hello_ _Iza-nii? We haven't heard from you in forever! Where are you? …worried… Yeah, Kurui and I are worried about you! Give us a call sometime, alright Iza-nii?_"

BEEP

"_Izaya you bastard! It's Namie! Your door has been locked for the past couple weeks! Did you change the lock with me knowing? Fine, if you don't want me to come into work, I quit then! Don't keep yourself locked up all the time!_"

BEEP

"_Izaya, as your unofficial doctor, I have to say it's unhealthy to keep staying in your apartment this long. Do I have to send Celty over to make sure you haven't died of starvation yet? Ouch! … Anyway, call me back soon!_"

BEEP

"_Iza-nii! Kurui and I haven't heard from you in weeks! Mom and dad are worried about you too! …visit… Yeah! Will you come visit us anytime soon? Iza-nii! Answer the phone! … Iza-nii…we're really worried about you. Will you please call us? We want to know if you're alright…_"

BEEP

"_Izaya, this is Kasuka. Shinra called me. My nii-san wouldn't want you to rot away like this. Stop being selfish and call your friends back sometime. You're not the only one who lost someone important._"

BEEP

Izaya threw his cell phone at the wall, watching it fall as the screen was cracked.

What did any of them know? They didn't know anything! They didn't know how much he hurt! How much he hated his home now! Everywhere he turned he saw him. Shizuo was everywhere but at the same time, he wasn't there at all. He hated all these memories stuck in his mind. He hated waking up and seeing Shizuo beside him, watching him sleep, only to have him disappear the next moment. He hated walking into his office, seeing Shizuo on his couch with a book on his lap as he turned to greet Izaya. He hated walking into his kitchen seeing Shizuo grabbing a bottle of milk out of the fridge. He hated going into his bathroom, seeing Shizuo standing there shirtless about to shower as he lewdly suggested they shower together. He hated it.

He hated how much he remembered everything.

Izaya curled up into a ball on his bed. His red eyes were dull as he had run out of the tears and life when he cried over Shizuo's lifeless body. He was paler, thinner, and felt so empty.

No one understood how much it hurt. How much he missed Shizuo.

Faintly, Izaya could hear the click of his front door opening. He supposed it could be a robber, and he should have done something, but he didn't care. The robber could take whatever the hell he wanted. And if he saw Izaya, the robber could go ahead and kill him. Izaya no longer cared about anything. That robber would be doing him a favor.

"My, you look so pitiful, Orihara-kun." Izaya twitched slightly at the familiar voice, knowing that, unfortunately, this was not a robber and this man wouldn't kill him.

"Shiki-san," Izaya murmured, almost shocked at how hoarse and frail he sounded. "What do you want?"

"I want my best information broker back," Shiki said simply, looking around the room with a frown on his face. "We haven't heard from you in weeks, Orihara-kun. I had no idea the death of your former enemy would affect you so greatly."

Izaya growled, Shiki treading into forbidden territory. But even his growl didn't seem threatening as it came out weakly. Shiki only smiled pitifully, "Tell me Orihara-kun, what could I do to make you work back to your full capacity? It would be a shame to give up a talented informant like you."

Izaya threw the nearest thing he could find at Shiki, which sadly was only one of his pillows. Shiki blocked it easily with his arm as he stared at the angry young man. "Bring him back then!" Izaya demanded, his red eyes glittering. "If you really want me to be my old self give me back my Shizu-chan!"

Izaya panted as he took in deep breaths. It had been a while since he had spoken so loudly and so long.

"Alright." Izaya stared up at Shiki in shock as the man turned to make his way out of the room. "We'll do what you want. But once I deliver, you better do your part too, Orihara-kun."

"Are you crazy?" Izaya screamed after him. "You can't bring back the dead!"

But as Shiki turned to look at Izaya, a small smirk on his face, Izaya couldn't help but shudder. "Watch me."

And with that, Shiki left.

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><p>It had been a week since Shiki's visit, and Izaya had tried to put some normalcy back in his life…or, well, as normal as his life used to be. He called his sisters and tiredly told them over and over that he was alright and that they shouldn't worry about him.<p>

He called Shinra, who seemed happy to hear from him. Shinra still sounded worried over the phone though and would call Izaya up every other day to make sure he was still there.

Izaya even offered Namie her job back, which she took only because she "needed the money" and not because she was "the slightest bit worried about him".

He was getting his life back on track. Or so it seemed. When he was alone, there were times Izaya would fall back into his state of depression, staring at nothing in particular as the memories of Shizuo haunted his mind.

He sometimes wished he could just get amnesia and forget everything, but other times he was afraid of forgetting Shizuo completely. Sometimes he would wake up from his sleep gasping for breath, having had a nightmare about forgetting what Shizuo looked like completely. At those moments, Izaya let the memories comfort him. As much as it hurt to remember what he had lost, it hurt even more to think of the day he would no longer remember Shizuo.

It was a week later that Izaya heard from Shiki again.

"Hello Orihara-kun, how are you today?" Shiki greeted as he walked into Izaya's home without waiting for Izaya to allow him in.

"What do you want Shiki-san?" Izaya sighed, purposely ignoring his question.

"I have a present for you, Orihara-kun," Shiki replied as he sat down on the couch. He snapped his fingers and Izaya watched as one of Shiki's guards walked out of his apartment. When he came back, he wasn't alone, and when Izaya saw who it was his mouth fell open in silent shock as his eyes widened.

There he was, as if he had never been gone. The blonde hair, the tan skin, the tall toned body. Izaya almost ran to the man to hug and kiss him senseless and demand where the hell he had been. But as Izaya looked further, he saw the differences. This Shizuo had blue eyes while his Shizuo had hazel eyes. This Shizuo wore a white and blue kimono while his Shizuo never failed to wear his bartender garb. And this Shizuo was calm and quiet while his Shizuo was always loud and temperamental.

This was not his Shizuo. This was a fake. And honestly, Izaya shouldn't have expected much. He was right after all; you couldn't bring back the dead. No matter how much he wanted to.

"Shiki-san, what is this?" Izaya tried to keep his voice calm as he turned away from the fake, not wanting to look at him. Despite it not being his Shizuo, the eerie, uncanny duplicate stirred confused feelings deep within Izaya. He wasn't sure how he should feel towards this Shizuo look-alike.

"This is my present to you. You asked me to bring your dead lover back, and I did."

"This isn't Shizuo." Izaya growled, turning to look at Shiki angrily.

"You're right," Shiki nodded his head slightly. "But he looks like him."

"Take him back! I don't want him!"

"Orihara-kun, it's rude to return a present. You haven't even tried him out."

"I don't care! Take him back, Shiki-san! That is not my Shizu-chan!"

"But he could be."

Shiki's words made him stop. Izaya watched as Shiki stood up and stared down Izaya seriously, "Shizuo is dead, Orihara-kun. And you need to get over that. All I have done is offer you a replacement. Someone who could help you get over this by taking Heiwajima's place."

Izaya suddenly felt weak again as all the anger left him. He looked at the ground. "It's not the same, Shiki-san."

"Then it doesn't have to be," Shiki sighed. "He doesn't have to take over Heiwajima's place if you're so adamant about it. Either way, he's yours now, Orihara-kun."

Izaya looked back up, his eyes almost pleading with Shiki, but Shiki just shook his head. "Just try it, Orihara-kun. Who knows, perhaps while he cannot replace Heiwajima-san, he might be able to heal you at least."

And before Izaya could say anything else, Shiki motioned to his men and they left the place, leaving Izaya with the fake Shizuo. Izaya sighed, rubbing his temples to ease an oncoming migraine as he looked at the fake out of the corner of his eyes. The man just stood there silently, staring straight at Izaya. It made Izaya slighty nervous.

"What's your name?" Izaya inquired finally looking at the fake in the eyes, finding it was easy to ignore the similarities to Shizuo if he focused on the obvious difference in the eye color.

"Heiwajima Shi—" the fake started, but stopped when Izaya held up his hand. Dear god, even their voices sounded alike!

"No, what's your real name? Not the name of the man they told you to pretend to be." Izaya demanded, his eyes tightening as he thought of how they told this fake to be Shizuo.

The fake paused in thought, something so unlike Shizuo, before he spoke, "Tsugaru. My name's Tsugaru."

Izaya smiled bitterly, nodding to acknowledge the man. "Tsugaru, will you do me a favor?" The man nodded. "Will you just hug me?"

Tsugaru arched a brow in confusion for a moment, but nonetheless walked to Izaya and pulled him into his arms. Izaya gasped at the sudden movement but soon found comfort in the warmth of the man's arms. It wasn't the same as Shizuo, but it would have to do. And for the first time in a long while, Izaya cried. He sobbed into the man's chest, clutching the kimono in his hands.

And all Tsugaru could do was hold him tightly, wishing that he was man that Izaya so desperately wanted him to be. That way he could wipe away his tears and comfort him. Because while he didn't know much about this man, his heart ached to see his tears and his sadness.

Tsugaru wished so desperately that he could be Heiwajima Shizuo. Just so that he can make this man he found himself caring for to stop being so sad.

Why couldn't he be Heiwajima Shizuo? Why couldn't he be the man Izaya loved?

Why wasn't it possible to bring back the dead?

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><p><strong>So hopefully I wasn't too OOC with anyone, especially Izaya. And I apologized that I really killed Shizuo off…I wanted to write something angsty and this popped in my head. At first I thought of somehow bringing Shizuo magically back to life, but then that just didn't seem right. And I wanted to explore more into the feelings Izaya would have if Shizuo were dead.<strong>

**For now, this is a one shot, but I have some ideas of continuing it into a multi-chapter TsugaruxIzaya story. But I guess I'll see whether this is well-liked enough. XD**

**Thank you for reading and reviews/criticisms are always appreciated! **

**-Xaleria**


	2. Chapter 2

**I'm quite happy that people liked this enough for me to continue! I have simply fallen in love with this pairing and writing them is so much fun.**

**Thank you to everyone who favorited, alerted, and reviewed this story! :) Here is the next chapter~**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Durarara or any of its characters.**

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><p>"<em>Oi Flea."<em>

"_Shizu-chan!" Izaya gasped in shock at the man in front of him. It looked like his Shizu-chan. He stood with his body weight balanced to one side, one hand tucked in his pocket as the other reached up for the cigarette in his mouth. He wore his signature bartender clothes, his blue sunglasses poised on his nose and skewing the color of his hazel eyes. "Is that really you?"_

"_Of course it's me, you damn flea," Shizuo snorted, pulling the cigarette from his mouth and putting it out. "Who else could it be?" _

_But Izaya couldn't trust his words. This could all just be another one of his illusions. Hesitantly, Izaya reached out barely brushing against the crisp feel of Shizuo's vest before Izaya wrapped his arms around his waist, burying his face into the crook of Shizuo's neck. "Shizu-chan!" Feeling the solid body in his arms and confirming that the man in front of him was indeed real, he sobbed, "Shizu-chan Shizu-chan Shizu-chan Shizu-chan!"_

"_What's the matter with you, flea?" Shizuo muttered, wrapping his arms around Izaya and pulling him closer, burying part of his face in the man's raven locks. "Why are you crying?"_

"_I had a horrible dream," Izaya mumbled, wiping away his tears. "You died and left me all alone." _

"_Silly flea," Shizuo chuckled. "I promised that I wouldn't leave you, didn't I?" _

"_But you did," Izaya murmured, inhaling Shizuo's cigarette and barely there sweet scent. How much he had missed it. "You died and left me by myself. I was so lonely." He squeezed the man tighter. "And Shiki tried to give me a fake you, a man who looked like you, but he wasn't you."_

"_Izaya, look at me." Izaya stiffened. Shizuo hardly called him by his name, affectionately calling him flea even after they became lovers. They only time Shizuo used his name was when he was angry or they were making love. Even when Shizuo used his name casually, he'd call him "Izaya-kun". Izaya looked up, shocked to see that the Shizuo in front of him wasn't his. "I'm right in front you." _

_Izaya pushed him away, almost feeling guilty of the hurt look in the man's blue eyes. Almost. "Who are you!" Izaya demanded._

"_Izaya, it's me," the man said, his blue eyes staring straight at Izaya. Those weren't Shizuo's eyes…"It's me, Shizuo." _

"_NO!" Izaya screamed, holding his hands to his ears to block out the voice that sounded so much like his Shizu-chan's, but at the same time it was slightly different. "You're not my Shizu-chan! You're a fake!"_

"_Izaya…"_

"_NO!" Izaya backed away, looking at the fake fearfully. "Get away from me! Shizu-chan!" _

"_Izaya, it's me." The fake insisted, walking closer to him. _

"_Shizu-chan! Shizu-chan!" Izaya called, falling to crouch as he held his hands tightly over his ears, trying to block out the fake's voice as he closed his eyes tightly so he couldn't look at the fake. "Shizu-chan! Where'd you go!" _

"_I'm right here," the fake reassured._

"_You left me!" Izaya sobbed out. "You left me again!" _

"_I'm right here." _

"_Shizu-chan!"_

"_Izaya!" Izaya was shocked at the strong hands that grasped him, forcing his hands away from his ears. He looked up shocked and stared into hurt blue eyes. "I'm right here. Why can't you love me?" _

_The tears fell from his eyes without him noticing. "You're not my Shizu-chan." _

_A painful cry then pierced his ears, sounding woeful and heartbroken, just like him._

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><p>Izaya gasped as he sat up in his bed. He furiously wiped away the tears in his eyes as some scenes from his dream lingered in his mind. He then looked at his surroundings, relieved to see that he was in his room, but then reality came crashing down on him once again.<p>

He was all alone. Shizuo was gone.

Izaya pulled up his knees to his chest placing his forehead on his knees. A clatter from outside his room then caught his attention. Izaya jumped out of bed and ran out of his room, running down the stairs as well, and burst into the kitchen. "Shizu-chan?"

Blue eyes looked at him, surprised by his sudden entrance. Izaya looked at the man who had come into his life yesterday, trying not to feel bothered by the face of his dead lover. His eyes then found what had made the noise, seeing that the man was grabbing a glass bottle of milk out of the fridge. Rage then filled Izaya. "What the hell do you think you're doing!"

Izaya marched up the man, ripping the bottle from the man's grip with one hand and slapping the man harshly across the face with the other. Tsugaru touched his cheek gingerly, his face impassive as he faced Izaya. Somehow his eerie calmness made Izaya angrier. "Who said you could dig through my fridge taking whatever you pleased!"

"I'm sorry," the man bowed slightly in apology. "That was impudent of me."

"Damn right it was!" Izaya growled, clutching the milk bottle to his chest. Only his Shizu-chan could drink this milk! It was Shizu-chan's milk! No one else could have it! But his anger suddenly deflated as he realized that Shizuo wasn't here anymore. He couldn't drink this milk anymore.

Seeing the change in emotion in Izaya, Tsugaru realized he probably had touched upon something important in his dead lover's life. Tsugaru's hands tightened into fists as he tried to keep the flare of anger he felt show in his face. How could he be so incredibly jealous of a man who was dead? And over a man he hardly knew, though he would admit that he cared for the man. Something about Orihara Izaya just attracted Tsugaru. It was probably the fact that the raven-haired man looked so fragile, like he could break if Tsugaru just touched him. Tsugaru desperately just wanted to reach out to this man and comfort him.

"Just…" Izaya sighed, dropping his arms to his side in a sign of defeat and weariness. "Just don't take anything without asking me first, alright?"

Tsugaru nodded his agreement, watching as Izaya returned the milk bottle to the fridge, his gaze lingering for a moment before he closed the fridge door. There was moment of tense silence between the two, before a rumbling sound from Izaya's stomach broke it. Tsugaru had to hold back a laugh as he watched the man's cheeks turn pink with embarrassment. But he did allow a small smile to show on his face as he asked, "Would you like me to make something for you to eat?"

Izaya turned to Tsugaru, surprise evident on his face. "You cook?"

"I do," Tsugaru responded, folding up the sleeves of his kimono so they wouldn't get in the way. "Why don't you go sit and I'll have breakfast ready soon."

Not really in the mood to argue, and he was really hungry, Izaya just nodded and ambled off to his living room, collapsing on the couch and leaning his head back. He listened to the typical cooking sounds coming from the kitchen, thinking back to how Shizuo used to cook breakfast. It was practically the only decent meal the man could cook. Izaya chuckled to himself, remembering the first breakfast Shizuo had ever cooked for him.

"_Wow!" Izaya exclaimed at the spread of food before him. "Shizu-chan made this all by himself? I'm shocked! Who knew a stupid protozoan like you could actually do something productive."_

"_Hey!" Shizuo growled. "That's no way to talk to the man who made your food."_

"_Heehee, itadakimasu!" Izaya took some egg omelet and plopped it in his mouth. "Ack, Shizu-chan! It's so sweet!" _

"_Don't complain, flea." Shizuo snapped. "Besides, I like sweet things." _

"_Ah, who knew a protozoan like you could have such a childish trait such as a sweet tooth?" _

"_Shut up and eat your food, flea." _

"Breakfast's done," a voice broke Izaya from the memory as he looked up to see Tsugaru place some food in front of Izaya. It looked quite delicious. Izaya picked up a piece of egg omelet in his fingers, popping it into his mouth. The taste made his stop, "It's sweet…"

"Well, I like sweet things," Tsugaru murmured as he sat across from Izaya, his own set of food in front of him. "Do you not like it?"

"No," Izaya murmured softly, looking at the egg omelet with a bittersweet expression. "It's just fine."

* * *

><p>Izaya sighed once again, folding his hands together and placing his chin on them as he stared tiredly at the man sitting quietly across from him. Tsugaru politely kept his eyes away from Izaya, aware that the other man was staring at him. He sighed himself, wondering whether if Izaya would ever feel comfortable with him. He glanced briefly at Izaya who had sighed once again, frowning in thought. Tsugaru shrugged slightly, knowing that the man was deciding what to do with him. "Do you mind if I smoke?"<p>

There was a pause as Tsugaru watched Izaya blink at him in surprise. "You smoke?"

Tsugaru nodded, hating to admit he had such an addiction, but it was hard to get rid of. He watched Izaya's face carefully, noting how the man had a thoughtful expression, smiling slightly. "Sure, go ahead."

Izaya watched as Tsugaru produced a tied up knapsack—where had that come from, Izaya wasn't sure—and untied it to reveal an old-fashion kiseru(1) with a packet of koiki(2) and other materials needed. Izaya watched with fascination as Tsugaru prepared the pipe and then started smoking, watching puffs of smoke leave the man's mouth. Izaya usually hated the smell of tobacco, but had come to miss the smell since Shizuo was gone.

"I guess…" Izaya started slowly, calling the attention of Tsugaru whose eyes turned to Izaya. "In some ways, the two of you are alike."

"Hm," Tsugaru murmured in thought, looking away from Izaya again. Being compared to that man unsettled him, but he knew it was unavoidable. He was made to replace the man after all. "How long had you two been together?"

Izaya stiffened, seemingly put off by Tsugaru asking such a personal question. Tsugaru watched a mix of emotions pass through Izaya's face before he resigned to answer, "Four years." A distant look entered Izaya's face. "Sometimes it's hard to believe it's been that long."

_A long time,_ Tsugaru thought bitterly. Would there be room for him somewhere in Izaya's life?

"What about you?" Izaya asked. Tsugaru looked at him in surprise, confused by his question. "Who were you before Shiki made you into my dead lover?"

"It doesn't matter," Tsugaru answered, his voice calm and firm. "I am just Tsugaru and I am here now. I cannot go back to who I was before and I don't want to."

Izaya narrowed his eyes suspiciously, wondering where Shiki had gotten this man. "Why did you agree to become someone else? Someone you didn't even know? You don't know me, so why should you care about me?"

He had hoped to rile some kind of feelings within Tsugaru, possibly making the man rethink his being here and leave of his own free will. But he shuddered involuntarily at the eerily calm look in Tsugaru's face. It seemed like nothing bothered this man.

"Why should it matter as to why I chose this?" Tsugaru tried to keep his face impassive as he struggled to hold back the conflicting emotions inside him. "Doesn't it just matter that I do care for you?"

Tsugaru wasn't sure himself why he cared for this man. There was just something about Izaya that attracted him. Perhaps it was because the first time Tsugaru had laid eyes on him, and he had seen the broken and hopeless look in Izaya's eyes, something within him had just snapped. Something that pushed Tsugaru towards this man, telling him to protect him.

_**Protect him…**_a voice in his head whispered to him. _**Heal him and he may heal you.**_

_But heal what exactly?_ Tsugaru questioned. Tsugaru frowned as he thought of how he was arguing with himself.

"Tsugaru?" He snapped out of his thoughts, turning to the owner of his voice. Izaya stared at him with a look of confusion and slight concern. "You seem upset."

"It's nothing," Tsugaru replied, banishing the thoughts in his head, deciding to contemplate later.

A silence. Izaya sighed, breaking it, "Look…I don't know what Shiki told you, but…I can't do this. Despite how you look, you just aren't my Shizu-chan."

Somehow, those words hurt more than they should have. "You're just afraid to try," Tsugaru stated, watching with slight satisfaction at the enraged look that entered Izaya's face.

"What did you just say?" Izaya growled dangerously, his eyes glowering.

"You're afraid to love me," Tsugaru stated, knowing he was pushing Izaya's buttons. "You're afraid that if you love me, you'd be betraying your dead lover."

"Shut up!" Izaya screamed, moving to stand up. He glared at the serene man who just looked at Izaya with unmoved eyes. "How dare you! You don't know me! You don't know anything! How dare you come in here and think you can just fuck around with my life! I was doing just fine! I don't need you!"

Tsugaru didn't answer, just watching as Izaya yelled at him. "You're not Shizu-chan! You can't just waltz in here and expect to just replace him! Who the hell do you think you are!"

"I am Tsugaru," he stated simply, crossing his arms across his chest. "I know that I was told to come here and pretend to be your dead lover if that pleased you. But obviously it doesn't, so I won't pretend. I can just be myself, and I can make you fall in love with me."

Izaya sputtered silently, shocked at the man's bold declaration. "Don't fuck with me! I will **never** fall in love with you! I want you to leave!"

"I won't leave," Tsugaru stood up and walked to Izaya, watching as the man backed away and hit the couch, falling onto it. Tsugaru put one knee onto the couch seat as he put his two hands on the back on the couch, trapping a bewildered Izaya in between his arms. "I will make you fall in love with me, Orihara Izaya. You will come to love me, just as you loved your Shizu-chan."

It was then Orihara Izaya had enough. His mouth formed a tight line, his eyes narrowing as he glared hatefully at the man standing before him. Even if he had his face, this wasn't his Shizu-chan. There was no way he would ever love this man like he had loved Shizuo. "I'd like to see you try."

He should have been intimidated by the great Orihara Izaya like every other human, but Izaya found this man was as unpredictable as Shizuo as Tsugaru's mouth curled into a small smirk. "If that's a challenge, Izaya-san, then I accept."

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><p><strong>Sorry this chapter is short, I promise the next one will be longer. This is just the start of Tsugaru's plot to seduce Izaya! :) <strong>

**I notice some people tend to make Tsugaru almost timid-like and always willing to please Izaya, and Izaya is always kind of bullying him. I don't really see his character as that (though I don't mind those kind of Tsugarus). While yes, he's supposed to be the exact opposite of Shizuo by being calm and everything, I don't think that makes him a total pushover. I feel that underneath his peaceful exterior, Tsugaru probably has a lot of inner turmoil and if you push the right buttons, he can become a controlling badass seme who doesn't take crap from anyone, even his manipulative uke. But that doesn't mean he also can't be caring and sweet. *ahem* Well…that's what I think anyway. XD**

**Oh, I also have a soundtrack that I listen to that inspires me to write this story. Maybe I'll list all the songs later on, but I really wanted to share one song that I thought fit perfectly with the first chapter: **Where Did You Go? by Ashley Parker Angel

**The lyrics of that song totally reflect my first chapter, especially the part where Izaya is depressed in his room.**

**Again, major thank you to the people who said that I should continue this by putting this in their favorites, alerting, and reviewing this story.**

**-Xaleria**

(1) Kiseru is the old fashioned tobacco pipe that Tsugaru is drawn with most of the time. It is a pipe made out of bamboo or some other type of wood that is capped by a small stem and bowl made out of mostly made out of bronze though they can be made of silver or sometimes gold (for the rich anyway).

(2) Koiki is a fine-cut Japanese tobacco that is usually used with the kiseru.

If any of this information is wrong in some way, feel free to correct me! I tried to research it to the best of my ability but I'm not 100% sure of its accuracy.


	3. Chapter 3

**Thank you everyone for the lovely reviews! And many thanks to those who put this in their favorites and alerted this story as well! I'm so happy that you all enjoy my story so here is the next chapter for you guys.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Durarara or any of its characters.**

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><p>Yagiri Namie was used to seeing the unusual customer or two since she started working for Orihara Izaya. As an informant, he met with all kinds of people. So she was used to turning a blind eye to an odd customer. But she couldn't take her eyes off the man currently sitting on her boss's couch as Izaya worked at his usual desk, typing away like a madman as his brows were knitted together in annoyance.<p>

The man on the couch paid no mind to Izaya's obvious display of anger and instead smoked calmly, one leg crossed over the other opening the slit in his white yukata(1) as a blue and white haori(2) was placed on his shoulders. On his feet were white tabi(3) and simple zōri(4). But what didn't strike Namie as odd was his out of place outfit, but his face. She could have sworn that Heiwajima Shizuo was dead, so who was this guy with his face sitting in Izaya's home?

She noted that this Shizuo had different color eyes, as they were blue, but still was fascinated with the amount of replication the man showed. Besides for the eyes and the calm demeanor, one would think that the dead had risen and Heiwajima Shizuo was alive again. But she knew better than that.

Still, she wondered what the man was doing here and where he had come from. Namie suspected it was probably one of Izaya's clients that had brought him, and she wondered which one it was.

Namie was broken from her thoughts when a large stack of papers was slammed down on the table in front of her. She looked up and scowled when she saw Izaya's scarlet eyes glaring at her. "If you have so much free time as to stare at my unwanted guest, then I guess you can make yourself useful and file these papers for me. Alphabetically, then by date, then by location. Get all that?"

"Whatever," Namie sneered, frowning at the big stack. She mumbled curses under her breath as she started to look through them.

Izaya sighed, turning away from his secretary and looking towards Tsugaru. The man was as peaceful as ever, smoking mindlessly as he peered curiously out through the large glass walls behind Izaya's desk. Izaya groaned to himself, wondering what he was going to do with the man. He couldn't exactly throw him out, because he felt that even if he tried that, Tsugaru would just stay outside his home. And Izaya couldn't give him back to Shiki because the man would refuse to take him back, and since Izaya didn't know where Tsugaru had come from he couldn't make him return there either. And it was hard to find information on a man that Izaya didn't even know how he really looked like or what his real name was. He was stuck with Tsugaru, whether he liked it or not.

"Ugh," Izaya groaned again, going back to his desk and trying to focus on his work. It had been a while since he had done his job as an informant, and he found himself surprisingly missing it. He was Orihara Izaya, informant extraordinaire. It was about time he went back to being his great self. After all, his humans must have missed him from such a long absence, didn't they? He mustn't disappoint the humans he loved so much.

_I love humans,_ Izaya thought as his eyes peered out the glass, looking at the small people on the ground that appeared like ants in his vision. _Humans are such interesting creatures. Always making the greatest expressions and doing the funniest things. _

His mind drifted as he thought of the one human—if one could call him that—he hadn't loved. The only human he couldn't predict, the only human who made Orihara Izaya confused. Heiwajima Shizuo. He was the only human Izaya couldn't stand. And that was because Shizuo never did what he expected, always messing with his plans. Shizuo was an anomaly, which bugged Izaya. He was the only human he could never understand by observation. The only time Izaya ever felt like he could predict Shizuo was when he knew how to exactly push his buttons and piss him off.

Until, of course, the day that Shizuo had confessed to him.

Izaya had felt that something was wrong that day. He had come to Ikebukuro, intent on messing around with Shizuo like he usually did. When he found the blonde ex-bartender and started their chase as usual, he felt something was different. The things Shizuo threw at him were thrown pretty weakly, always being far from hitting him instead of narrowly missing him. Izaya knew Shizuo wasn't putting all his effort into this chase as he usually did, which is why he led Shizuo to an alleyway and cornered him, teasing Shizuo about maybe losing his strength to fight. He had only done it to see what was wrong with Shizuo, and maybe spur the man into acting as he normally did. It was already hard enough to predict what Shizuo would do, and now the fights between them, which were the only things Izaya could predict about the man, were starting to become different and unpredictable. He couldn't lose the only thing that he understood with Shizuo.

But of course, that day he didn't expect Shizuo to confess. Which is why when he said it, Izaya had stood stunned, turning the words over in his head. He hadn't heard wrong, had he?

But seeing the blush spread across Shizuo's face, Izaya couldn't help but smile at that time. It was oddly cute and endearing to see Shizuo blush. Something in Izaya wondered what other expressions this man had. After all, he had only ever seen his angry expressions. So he agreed to a date, playing it off as a game at first. He'd please Shizuo with a couple dates, drop him, and make the man hate him again, just as things should be.

But a couple dates become a lot of dates. The game turned into a real life. The hate that he thought had for Shizuo became love. The fear of being unable to predict Shizuo soon became a fear of loving him.

How could Orihara Izaya fall in love with one person? He loved ALL humans. He couldn't love just one. His love couldn't be monopolized. The fear caused tension in their relationship at first, and Izaya remembered the fights they had. It had been a while until Izaya just accepted that he could just love Shizuo. Besides, Shizuo wasn't exactly a normal human, was he? So it was okay to love just him individually. He could love this one person.

But now, Izaya wished he had listened to his fear.

_I love all humans,_ Izaya thought sadly, looking out at the city with tired eyes. Orihara Izaya would never repeat his mistake again. He would never love just an individual again. Because he knew now that loving just one made it hurt all the more when they were gone. Because even if one human died, there was still plenty out there for Izaya to love. But, despite what Shiki believed, there was only one Shizuo.

And he only loved that one.

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><p>"Tell him that it's past my working hours and I'm not working overtime," Namie grumbled as she put away the materials she was working on to continue tomorrow. She still had a lot from that stack to file. Namie glanced at Izaya, seeing he was still staring out the window with a blank expression. She felt that if she approached him, he wouldn't really hear her. He had been in that same position for the past few hours. So she told the Shizuo-look alike instead. Namie left the penthouse when the look alike nodded his response.<p>

Tsugaru watched as the door closed behind the woman then he turned to look at Izaya. He appeared to be deep in thought, although the empty look in his eyes slightly frightened Tsugaru.

Tsugaru walked up to Izaya slowly, frowning at how still he was. "Izaya-san?" He gently pushed the man's shoulder. "Izaya-san, it's almost time for dinner."

Izaya blinked, coming out of his trance as he turned to Tsugaru. "Ah, right." Tsugaru watched a sudden change in Izaya's expression, it hardening as he frowned, as if he was burying something into the back of his mind to forget it.

"Is there anything you'd like to eat?" Tsugaru inquired casually, wanting to know more about Izaya.

Izaya paused in thought before a sly smile entered his face, "Otoro."

The smile on Izaya's face sent off alarms in Tsugaru's mind as he sensed there was something off about this. "I feel like eating otoro," Izaya said happily, the wide smile on his face calculating and fake. "I know this great place in Ikebukuro. Come on, we'll go eat there. My treat."

Despite the feeling that there was something wrong with Izaya's sudden friendliness, Tsugaru followed him. Part of him was suspicious while another part of him was happy that Izaya invited him out. They took a bus to Ikebukuro and when Tsugaru stepped out and followed a slightly skipping Izaya, he noticed there was definitely something wrong.

People were stopping to stare at him with wide eyes, their eyes still following even as he passed them. He felt unsettled, wondering why everyone was staring. Izaya just kept walking along, paying no mind to the staring people. Tsugaru didn't let any emotions show on his face, deciding that he'd find out sooner or later what people found so fascinating about him.

When Izaya finally walked into a building, Tsugaru stopped for a moment and looked up at the sign, tilting his head slightly in confusion as he read what it said. "Russia Sushi?"

Shrugging, Tsugaru walked through the entryway and stopped when everyone inside of the restaurant stopped their chatter to look up at him in shock. The quietness was unnerving, but he ignored it and instead made his way to the bar where Izaya sat. He sat down next to Izaya, feeling the stares burning holes into his back.

"Oh! Izaya!" Tsugaru looked up with shock when a big, black man approached them. "Long time. No see! You come for sushi, yes? Sushi good!" The black man smiled, his eyes briefly glancing at Tsugaru and narrowing before he turned back to Izaya with a smile. "You like otoro, yes?"

"Of course, Simon." Izaya said pleasantly, that sly smile still on his face.

"And your friend?" the black man, Simon, turned to Tsugaru.

Before Tsugaru could open his mouth to say anything, Izaya interrupted, "Just get him the same as me."

Tsugaru frowned but didn't say anything as he watched the black man turn away. That was when bits and pieces of whispered conversation reached his ears.

"No way! Isn't that Heiwajima Shizuo? I thought he died?"

"There's no way that's Heiwajima Shizuo. Look, he has different eyes."

"Oh, you're right. They're different. But he looks so much like him! And he's with Orihara Izaya!"

"Nah, it's just got be a coincidence. Besides, Heiwajima Shizuo wouldn't be as calm-looking as that guy."

"I guess you're right. They're dressed differently too."

"Yeah, and did you see how Orihara ordered for him? There's no way the real Heiwajima would have taken that sitting down. You know how those two always argued with each other."

Tsugaru gritted his teeth. So this is why Izaya wanted to come here. Peeking at Izaya from the corner of his eyes, he saw the man staring at him with a curious expression, that stupid smirk on his face. So he was enjoying this. He purposely brought Tsugaru here to see how he'd react. No wonder all those people were staring at him.

"Izaya!" Tsugaru turned, watching a man in a white lab coat approach them with a wide smile on his face with a person in a black one piece suit and yellow biker helmet following him. As the man's eyes fell on Tsugaru, they widened with wonder and shock, then looked contemplating and worried. The man turned to Izaya. "Why didn't you tell me you were coming to Ikebukuro?"

"Ah well, it was an impromptu visit." Izaya replied, smiling at his friend. "By the way, Shinra, I don't think you've met my companion. This is Tsugaru. Shizu-chan's so-called replacement that Shiki gave me. Tsugaru, this is my friend Kishitani Shinra and that behind him is his partner Celty Sturluson."

Tsugaru wanted to snap in anger at Izaya as his words cut through him, but he kept his face emotionless. He wouldn't give Izaya the satisfaction of getting angry. "Nice to meet you," Tsugaru bowed slightly in greeting to the two who responded accordingly.

"Yeah, nice to meet you too," Shinra murmured, his eyes lingering on Tsugaru's face before turning to Izaya, "Hey, it's been a while since we met up. Why don't you come eat with Celty and me?" He gestured to one of the private rooms.

Izaya shrugged, "Why not." He called out to Simon, telling the man to bring their orders to Shinra's room. He got up and chatted casually with the doctor as they walked to the room, Tsugaru following silently with a frown.

Tsugaru felt a tap on his shoulder and turned to look at the woman beside him. Izaya had called her Celty Sturluson, which was a strange name. Was she a foreigner? He watched as she pulled out a PDA and typed on it then lifted it to his face, "How is Izaya doing? Is he…coping well?"

Tsugaru looked at the woman in wonder, smiling a bit at her concern towards Izaya. She seemed nice. "I've only been in his care for a few days but…" he trailed off, looking at the raven-haired man ahead of him. "I believe he really misses his old lover."

Celty nodded, understanding. She typed some more, "I don't mean to pry…but why did you do this?"

"Do you mean why I chose to be a replacement?" Tsugaru smiled bitterly, shaking his head. "To be honest, I'm not entirely sure myself." His eyes went back to Izaya. "But I can't leave him alone. He tries not to show it, but I feel that he's probably very lonely."

Celty curiously tilted her head, studying the man standing beside her. The tapping sounds on her PDA filled the brief silence between them, "You're a really good guy."

Tsugaru smiled, this woman being the first to actually accept him, "Thank you."

"Celty! What's taking you so long? You're not cheating on me are yo—" Shinra was cut off when Celty punched him in the stomach. She angrily typed something on her PDA and then shoved it in Shinra's face, "Ah, I see. You were talking to…Tsugaru."

Tsugaru turned to look at the doctor, who again was staring at him with contemplating eyes. He just ignored them however and took a seat next to Izaya, who looked disinterested although his eyes narrowed suspiciously at Tsugaru.

When Shinra and Celty finally sat, they mostly chatted with Izaya. No one tried to mention the strangeness of having someone who looked like Shizuo there, even though Tsugaru was sure that they were purposely ignoring it for his sake. Tsugaru just listened, learning bits and pieces about Izaya. He found out that Izaya had two sisters—twins—when Shinra asked about them, and that Izaya, Shinra, and Shizuo had been high school classmates. He noticed how much Izaya loved otoro when the man had even eaten Tsugaru's share, not that Tsugaru minded. He didn't particularly care for the taste of the fish. To compensate for Izaya eating his fish, Celty ordered him another set. The sushi was strange Tsugaru noted when it was set before him, but when he ate it he found that it wasn't that bad. When everyone finished eating, Izaya bid goodbye to his friends and dragged Tsugaru away, heading back to Shinjuku.

Once they were on the bus, Tsugaru noted how Izaya's friendly face had turned into a scowling one, seeming dissatisfied with something. They sat in silence the entire bus ride and were still quiet when they finally got to Izaya's penthouse.

Once they were securely behind the door, Izaya turned around, mouth open and ready to criticize Tsugaru, but instead Izaya found himself pushed up against the wall by the man. His blue eyes were dangerously glaring at Izaya as his mouth was formed in a tight line, obviously displeased.

"What do you think you were doing back there?" Tsugaru hissed.

It took a moment for Izaya to register what was happening before he glared back at Tsugaru, "I have no idea what you're talking about. Now let go of me!"

"You purposely brought me to that place, didn't you?" Tsugaru only tightened his grip as Izaya struggled. "You brought me there to see how I would react to everyone. And you tried to get me angry by calling me a replacement in front of your friends."

"Isn't that what you are? A replacement?" Izaya snapped back, trying to twist out of the man's grip. He was surprisingly strong.

"And I thought you didn't want me to replace your precious Shizu-chan," Tsugaru countered. "I am not your toy, Izaya-san. I may have been given to you, but I am not an object that you can just manipulate and watch suffer."

"Correct me if I'm wrong, but you were **given** to me," Izaya stated as he narrowed his eyes at Tsugaru. "Hence, I **own **you. And that makes me able to do whatever the hell I want with you. Now let go of m—mmph!"

Izaya was caught off guard when Tsugaru suddenly leaned down, capturing Izaya's lip and shoving his tongue inside Izaya's open mouth to intertwine with Izaya's own. At first, Izaya struggled, moving to push Tsugaru away, but the man caught both of Izaya's hands by the wrists and pushed his arms up, holding them against the wall with one hand while the other grabbed Izaya's face, bringing it closer to deepen their kiss. Izaya bit down on Tsugaru's tongue, drawing blood as the man grunted, but Tsugaru didn't pull away. Izaya could taste the bitter coppery taste of Tsugaru's blood in his mouth as he incoherently mumbled curses, trying not to respond to the kiss.

"Tsu—" Izaya hardly had any time to catch his breath as Tsugaru forced their mouths together again after momentarily breaking apart to breathe. Izaya cursed inwardly as his body involuntarily shuddered, responding to Tsugaru's slight brushes against his skin as his free hand tugged up Izaya's shirt, slightly caressing the soft skin of his stomach before moving upwards. Izaya knew he had been celibate for weeks since Shizuo's funeral, but he still inwardly cursed his body that was responding to Tsugaru's teasing touches. "Mph!"

Izaya felt his knees suddenly go weak as Tsugaru teasingly flicked a hardening nipple before tweaking it between his thumb and index finger. "Tsugaru!" Izaya finally gasped when the man pulled away, trailing his kisses down Izaya's jaw to his neck, before settling on the curve of his neck to his shoulder, biting and sucking. "Ah! Tsu-Tsugaru…stop it!"

"You don't look like you want me to stop," Tsugaru smirked, pushing his knee in between Izaya's legs, pressing his leg against Izaya's growing erection.

Izaya's face heated up with fury and embarrassment, "That only because I haven't slept with anyone for weeks! It's a normal reaction!"

"So you mean your body will respond to anyone, hm?" Tsugaru moved lower, placing his mouth over a pert nipple, sucking and biting teasingly.

"St-stop!" Izaya bit his lip to keep a moan from escaping. This wasn't right. He shouldn't be responding like he was. He should have only felt this way with Shizuo. This just didn't feel right. Izaya squeezed his eyes shut, trying to force back the shivers running through his body as a sickening feeling grew in the pit of his stomach.

"Izaya-san?" the concern that was suddenly evident in Tsugaru's voice made Izaya look down at the man, stunned when he saw the amount of worry in his blue eyes. Izaya felt cool fingers brush against his face, wiping away tears. Strange, when had he started crying? Suddenly Izaya was caught in Tsugaru's arms, the man hugging him tightly as he whispered in a guilt-ridden voice, "I'm sorry. I…I shouldn't have done that. I'm so sorry."

Izaya blinked away the tears, confused for a moment. He suddenly felt very guilty himself. He shouldn't have tried to provoke Tsugaru in the first place, but he wanted to see some type of emotion in the man. He was just too calm, and Izaya had wondered what was going on through his head. He had never felt this bothered by being unable to read a human, not since Shizuo anyway. The scary similarity to Shizuo had just brought out the natural instinct in Izaya to test Tsugaru and see how he reacted. Izaya hadn't meant for this to happen. But still, Tsugaru was also the one who almost attacked him.

But Tsugaru's arms felt so warm as Izaya hesitantly returned his hug, feeling surprisingly comforted by the man's sincerity and care. He was still mad at Tsugaru, but Izaya decided that he could talk to him later. Right now, he just wanted to drown in this warmth and hopefully, for once, just forget the ache in his heart.

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><p>"Dammit!" a voice roared in an empty white space. "I'll kill him! Kill him! Kill him! Kill him! Kill him! Kill him! Kill him! Kill him! Kill him!"<p>

The chant continued on as the figure paced angrily. Hazel eyes were lit up with fury as he reached into his pocket for a cigarette, cursing when he realized he didn't have any. Nothing good was happening today at all.

He turned back to the scene he had been watching, frowning as the raven-haired man fell asleep in the arms of a man that wasn't him. A man that looked like him but wasn't him.

"Izaya…" the voice sounded forlorn. He glared as the image that looked like him appeared. The man had picked up Izaya, carrying him close to his chest as he walked to Izaya's room, placing him on his bed. He placed his blue and white haori over the pale man's body, sitting down and watching him sleep.

Hazel eyes widened, a vein almost popping in his head as he watched the man who looked like him place a chaste kiss on Izaya's forehead. He growled, wishing that there was something here that he could punch. "Dammit. I'm going to kill him!"

Heiwajima Shizuo was not a happy man.

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><p><strong>So, I wasn't expecting the chapter to end like this actually, but it kind of just happened and I liked it. Oh dear, am I going to have to change the rating of this story? XD Well, I hoped you guys enjoyed it!<strong>

**Was anyone expecting the bit with Shizuo at the end? I hope I was able to surprise you guys. He will be making more appearances from now on! :)**

**Anyway, thank you as always for reading and reviewing!**

**-Xaleria**

(1) Yukata is the outfit that Tsugaru is drawn in and it is an unlined kimono-like outfit that is intended for summer use. It is usually made of cotton, linen, or hemp.

(2) A haori is a hip- or thigh-length kimono-like jacket. Tsugaru's is a thigh-length blue and white one.

(3) Tabi are ankle high divided toe socks.

(4) Zōri are sandals that are similar to flip flops and are made out of many materials.

If any of this information is wrong in some way, feel free to correct me! I tried to research it to the best of my ability but I'm not 100% sure of its accuracy.


	4. Chapter 4

**Thank you so much for the reviews! And many thanks to those who put this in their favorites and alerted this story too! I'm glad you all enjoyed the last chapter and that you guys think this story is getting more interesting. I hope you enjoy this chapter as well~**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Durarara or any of its characters.**

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><p>When was the last time he had felt this peaceful? Izaya sighed in contentment, slowly opening his eyes as he stretched his body, feeling his bones crack and muscles relax. It had been a long while since he had gotten a good night's sleep. No nightmares of Shizuo had haunted him last night.<p>

Blinking away the last of the lingering sleepiness, Izaya realized he wasn't alone as he stared at the serenely sleeping face across from him. Soft blonde locks fell across the man's forehead, barely above his eyes, as he steadily breathed. Izaya sat up to find that Tsugaru had placed his blue and white haori across both of their bodies to keep them warm.

Izaya frowned as he finally recalled the memories of the day before. He almost felt ashamed of how he had acted, and was certainly angry with himself for showing his vulnerable state to Tsugaru again. He hated being weak, preferring to appear god-like and untouchable so that people would think him stronger than he actually was. Weakness was something he couldn't afford to show, especially in his line of work. They only one he had ever felt comfortable around to let down all the walls he had carefully built around himself had been Shizuo. How was it so easy for the man who only shared Shizuo's face to affect him the same way?

Looking over the sleeping man carefully, Izaya wondered how Shiki came across this man. Where had he come from? Who was he before? What made him want to leave his previous life? And why was he so insistent on making Izaya fall in love with him? The questions, to which he had no answers to, swirled around in his mind, making Izaya frown with each that came up and that he could not find an answer to. He wasn't used to being in the dark. The feeling of being clueless was foreign and quite unpleasant to him.

_What an enigma you are,_ Izaya thought as he folded his arms together, resting his chin on them as he stared at Tsugaru's face. Or rather, Shizuo's face. Softly, Izaya reached out and barely brushed his fingers against Tsugaru's cheek. It was a little scary how much they looked alike, especially since Izaya couldn't see Tsugaru's blue eyes. For a moment, Izaya closed his eyes and imagined that the man beside him wasn't a stranger and that it was Shizuo back in bed with him. The past few weeks hadn't happened, and Izaya was waking up like it was any other normal day. Soon, he would get up and start making breakfast, knowing that soon Shizuo would stumble out of bed and amble into the kitchen, muttering something under his breath as he came to hug Izaya from behind. They would flirt as usual in the morning, most likely almost burning breakfast in the process, and then settle to eat. Izaya would type away on his laptop, beginning his work, as Shizuo would read the day's newspaper. Everything would be perfect, just like how it had always been.

But as Izaya opened his eyes, he knew that perfection only belonged in his delusions. The man sleeping beside him was still a stranger, and his normal days had long ago changed to adjust to Shizuo's absence.

"If only you were Shizu-chan," Izaya murmured. As if he had heard him, Tsugaru's peaceful sleeping face turned into a scowling one, his body slightly turning in discomfort. Izaya wondered if he too had been having a pleasant dream before it shattered to pieces right before him and became a nightmare.

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><p>"<em>Izaya-san?" Tsugaru blinked slightly in disbelief at the scene before him. He and Izaya were lying in the grass next to each other, hands linked together as they looked at the falling cherry blossoms. Surrounded by a pink sakura rain, Izaya pushed himself up on his elbows, resting his cheek against one hand as the other ran through Tsugaru's hair. He said something that Tsugaru couldn't make out, although the one lying down laughed in response. The Tsugaru in the dream then reached up, gently grabbing the back of Izaya's head and pushing his head down to kiss him softly. Izaya pulled away with a smile, saying something again before he reached down for another kiss. <em>

_The scene then faded, Tsugaru frowning as he saw a faint image of a figure walking towards him. As the figure got closer Tsugaru was shocked to find his face staring back at him, hazel eyes alight with fury as brows knitted together. The figure clad in bartender clothes stopped just a few feet in front of Tsugaru, his hands tucked in his pockets as he observed Tsugaru up and down. _

"_Tch," Heiwajima Shizuo snorted. "You're supposed to be me?" _

_Tsugaru could only stare in surprise, wondering why the man he had been made to replace was approaching him in his dream. "I guess I am," Tsugaru responded, crossing his arms._

_A dangerous growl left Shizuo's mouth as he reached forward and grabbed Tsugaru's kimono, pushing their faces together to glare directly into Tsugaru's blue eyes. "Stay away from Izaya. He's __**mine.**__"_

"_If you haven't noticed, Heiwajima-san," Tsugaru started, questioning his sanity in the back of his mind as he was arguing with a dead person in his dreams. "You're dead."_

_Suddenly Tsugaru found himself thrown on the ground, Shizuo on top of him with his fingers curled tightly around Tsugaru's neck. Tsugaru was shocked when he felt his throat burn, gasping for air, and his body throb with pain from the sudden impact with the ground. This was just a dream, wasn't it? He wasn't supposed to feel pain, was he? _

"_Orihara Izaya is __**mine**__," Shizuo repeated, his voice dangerously low and threatening. "Don't think that just because you have my face you can steal him away from me."_

"_D-don't you…think it's time…for him to move on?" Tsugaru managed to say between gasps, pulling at the hands around his neck that was restricting his air supply. He grunted when the hands tightened considerably. _

"_Stay away from him!" Shizuo snarled, his hazel eyes blazing with hatred towards this man. _

_Tsugaru challengingly glared back, "This is just a dream…you're not real." _

_The smirk that formed on Shizuo's face sent shivers down Tsugaru's body, though he did well to hide it, as Shizuo chuckled, "That's what you think." Leaning down next to Tsugaru's ear, he whispered, "I'm still here, and I will __**not **__give Izaya to you." _

_Suddenly, Shizuo was gone._

Tsugaru's eyes flew open as he was panting and sweating. He sat up, finding himself in Izaya's room on the bed. Looking around, Tsugaru was a little relieved that he didn't see Izaya. He wasn't sure what to make of his weird dream, and he wanted some time to gather his thoughts. Getting out of the bed and making his way to the connected bathroom, Tsugaru looked in the mirror and gasped slightly when he saw very faint, but definitely there, finger-shaped marks around his neck. He reached up, touching his neck hesitantly, not wanting to believe it and thinking he was just hallucinating. But somehow, the feeling of Shizuo's fingers tightly wound around his neck still lingered.

It was just a dream, wasn't it?

But as Shizuo's last words rang through his head—_I'm still here_—Tsugaru wondered if it was just a dream after all.

* * *

><p>Izaya turned the oven off as the tea kettle whistled, signaling the water was done heating up. He pulled the kettle off the stove, moving to pour the hot water into a mug ready with a tea bag. A clattering sound from behind him surprised him, his fingers loosening and the kettle falling down, hot water spilling onto his hands. Izaya hissed with pain, pulling his hands towards him to cradle them on reflex, but strong hands suddenly came and grabbed Izaya's hands, rushing him to the sink and turning the cool water on. Tsugaru held Izaya's hands under the running water, his voice full of worry, "What the hell were you doing? Pay attention to what's going on around you!"<p>

Turning to the man, Izaya's mouth was open and ready to argue back but seeing Tsugaru staring worriedly at his red hands made him shut it. Once the burn was relatively cooled down and didn't look as bad anymore, Tsugaru pulled it away from the water, turning off the sink as he inquired, "Where's your first aid kit?"

"I'm fine," Izaya moved to pull his hands away but Tsugaru held onto them firmly.

"You need to treat your burns so they don't get worse," Tsugaru told him. "Now where's your first aid kit?"

Izaya sighed, deciding it was better to do as he said that pointlessly argue, "It's under the bathroom sink."

He watched Tsugaru leave briefly and heard the noises of the cabinet opening in the bathroom then closing. Tsugaru returned with the kit in his hands, ordering Izaya to sit on the couch. Izaya did as he asked, watching as Tsugaru sat beside him, pulling out burn cream and gauze. They sat in silence as Tsugaru rubbed the cool cream on the burns and Izaya watched him work.

"I don't get you," Izaya said as Tsugaru started to wrap his hands. "Why the hell do you care about me so much? You don't even really know me."

Tsugaru didn't answer at first, focusing on his work. Izaya wondered if he was purposely ignoring him after a few minutes of silence. Just as Izaya was about to get angry with the man, he answered, "I know that you're lonelier than you make yourself appear to be." His blue eyes turned to look at Izaya's scarlet ones. "I know that you really miss and love Heiwajima Shizuo, and that you reject me because you're afraid to feel love again. You're afraid that not only will you betray Heiwajima-san, but of also being alone again if I somehow left you."

Izaya wanted to get angry at Tsugaru, saying that he didn't understand anything about him. But he couldn't because he knew that Tsugaru's words were true. Half of him wanted to laugh, saying that he was Orihara Izaya. He wasn't weak to fall prey to petty emotions such as loneliness and love. But the other half of him knew that Tsugaru was right, and he was afraid.

How could this man read him so well? Why did he so easily tear down the guarded walls Izaya had built around himself? How did this man make him feel so…_**human**_?

_Just like Shizu-chan…_a voice in his head whispered.

But Izaya quickly pushed back the thought. _No! He's nothing like Shizu-chan! Shizu-chan…Shizu-chan was special…_

_Isn't this man also special in some way though?_ The voice argued back.

_He isn't!_ Izaya insisted.

_Then why do you keep him around?_ That question made Izaya pause. _You could have gotten rid of him at any time. And don't think of excuses such as you don't know who he is or where he's from. You're Orihara Izaya, you could have gotten rid of him some way. _

Izaya shook his head, trying to convince himself that the voice in his head was wrong.

_Just admit it. _The voice persisted. _You cling to this man because you don't want to be alone again. He is special, just like Shizu-chan. _

"Izaya-san?" Izaya looked back at Tsugaru, who was staring at him with those worried eyes again. He felt his heart thump in his chest, suddenly conscious of how close they were and the fact that Tsugaru still held his hands.

"No," Izaya whispered, more to himself than to Tsugaru.

The man's face contorted to a confused expression. "Iza—"

"No," Izaya said more loudly this time, pushing away from Tsugaru. He didn't dare look at the man, knowing that Tsugaru most likely had a hurt look in his eyes. "I'm sorry. I…I-I want…"

Why couldn't he say it? Izaya inwardly cursed, opening his mouth, but the words wouldn't come out. Why was it so hard to tell this man to leave?

As if he knew what Izaya was about to say, Tsugaru leaned forward, grabbing Izaya and pulling the smaller man into his arms. He hugged Izaya closely, shutting his eyes closed as he buried his face in the crook of Izaya's neck. "Please," Tsugaru begged in a quiet voice. "Please don't make me leave."

And suddenly, his heart hurt. The fact that he was about to tell Tsugaru to get out made Izaya feel guilty, a tight feeling clenching in his chest. Why did this man affect him so much? Was it because he resembled Shizuo at times?

"Alright," the words left his mouth before he realized what he was saying, "You can stay."

* * *

><p>Izaya wistfully eyed the simple white t-shirt and blue sweat pants he pulled from his drawers. He ran his hand down the fabric, reminiscing of the times he would see Shizuo in this outfit at night, the only time Shizuo practically didn't wear the bartender suits Kasuka had gotten for him. Smiling bitterly, he folded them up and brought them to the restroom, knocking on the door to signify he was coming in. "Here's a change of clothes, Tsugaru."<p>

He walked in, not expecting to catch the man in the middle of undressing. His eyes widened slightly, taking in the sight. Although the koshi-himo(1) cord still held the yukata in place around his hip, Tsugaru had slid the top part down, revealing a toned stomach and muscled arms. Izaya faintly wondered how it would feel to run his fingers down the contours of his muscles and what lied beyond the fabric precariously hanging low on Tsugaru's waist.

"Thanks, Izaya-san." The sound of his voice broke Izaya from his thoughts as Tsugaru gave him a smile and took the clothes from his hands. There was a mischievous glint in his eyes as he teased, "Like what you see?"

Izaya couldn't help the blush that spread across his cheeks as he turned and hurried out the bathroom, loudly slamming the door shut as if to make a point. As Izaya walked back to his office, embarrassed that he had been caught staring, he mentally chastised himself for thinking of Tsugaru in that way.

Sure, it had been a long time since Izaya had last been with someone, that being Shizuo, but that didn't mean it was alright to lust after another man, especially since this man shared the same face with Shizuo and had meant to replace him.

_Get a grip, Orihara._ Izaya warned himself. _Sleeping with that man would lead to nothing but trouble._

Although his logic was trying to reason like that, his body and sexually deprived part of his mind disagreed, bringing up the images of Tsugaru pinning him against the wall, kissing him senseless as Tsugaru's hands traveled down Izaya's body, teasing him in all the right, sensitive spots and dangerously going lower and lower…

Izaya shook his head, his face bright red as he quickly cast aside the thoughts. Just because he decided to accept the man's presence in his life didn't mean he had accepted to taking him on as a lover or fuck buddy. He would not let his sexual desires overtake his logic.

Because Izaya was sure that if he succumbed to such desires and did sleep with Tsugaru, it would be a lot harder to deny that Tsugaru was indeed special.

* * *

><p>Izaya was working on his laptop when Tsugaru finished his shower and stepped into the living room, rubbing his wet hair with a towel that was around his neck. Izaya looked up and silently gasped, wondering if he was seeing a ghost.<p>

Wearing Shizuo's pajamas and out of his kimono, Tsugaru looked almost exactly like Shizuo. Izaya gulped, tearing his eyes away from the white shirt that loosely clung to Tsugaru's slightly wet body as water dripped from his blonde locks. Tsugaru took a seat next to Izaya, still rubbing his hair.

"Izaya-san still works this late in the day?" Tsugaru turned to look at Izaya questioningly, his soaked bangs sticking to his forehead in disarray.

"Not usually," Izaya replied with a shrug, trying hard to focus on the words on his screen instead of how close Tsugaru was leaning towards him, his breath hot on Izaya's neck as his chest lightly pressed against Izaya's back. Droplets of water from Tsugaru's hair fell onto Izaya's shoulder, soaking through his grey hoodie. Izaya's breath hitched, his hands trembling a little as the words on his laptop screen blurred in his vision.

"Izaya-san," Tsugaru's voice whispered against his ear. Suddenly, Izaya's laptop screen was shut and the laptop was put on the coffee table as Tsugaru pushed Izaya onto his back against the couch.

"Hey, I was working on that!" Izaya protested the sudden change in atmosphere, trying his best to hide his inner embarrassment and anxiousness as he crossed his arms across his chest. His heart was beating so loudly in his ears, Izaya was sure that Tsugaru could hear it as the aforementioned man stared down at Izaya with serious eyes.

Tsugaru balanced himself on his hands and knees, searching Izaya's eyes for any disagreement with their current situation. When he found none, his mouth curled into a tiny smile.

"What are you smiling for?" Izaya muttered, looking anywhere but Tsugaru.

"You're not rejecting me," Tsugaru pointed out, mirth in his eyes as he chuckled.

"So?"

"So does that mean you accept my love now?"

"W-Wh-what?" Izaya sputtered, his eyes snapping to Tsugaru's and the blush he had been forcing back heating his cheeks.

"So you don't deny it," Tsugaru remarked, his smile growing wider.

Izaya opened his mouth to protest, but Tsugaru leaned down and pushed his mouth onto Izaya's, his tongue slipping in and fiercely tangling with Izaya's. Izaya unintentionally moaned, his hands tightly gripping onto the white shirt Tsugaru wore. Although some voice in the back of Izaya's head was screaming at him to stop, it was a really small voice as Izaya began to respond, moving his mouth against Tsugaru's as his hands moved up to tangle themselves in Tsugaru's blonde locks.

Tsugaru growled when they broke apart and he saw Izaya's flushed face, his breaths coming out in short gasps. "Izaya-san," his voice was rough and husky and before Izaya could respond Tsugaru was on him again, his mouth trailing butterfly kisses down Izaya's neck. Tsugaru pulled the neckline of Izaya's hoodie down, looking at the tantalizing pale flesh of Izaya's collarbone before putting his mouth against it, biting and sucking until a satisfying purple mark marred his skin.

"Tsu-Tsugaru…" his voice was soft and hesitant. Tsugaru looked at Izaya's scarlet eyes, seeing the reluctance and fear in them. Feeling a guilty stab in his chest, Tsugaru leaned down and kissed Izaya's forehead reassuringly.

"Don't worry," he assured. "I won't do anything to you. Not tonight, anyway."

Izaya decided not to comment on the implication of his words—so Tsugaru was planning on doing something to him later?—as Tsugaru moved both of them up to sit before he pulled Izaya into his arms. He leaned his chest against Izaya's back, placing his face in the crook of Izaya's neck. "Can we at least stay like this?"

The voice in the back of his head argued, saying that he had already done too much with Tsugaru. That Izaya shouldn't get any closer to him. But finding comfort in the man's arms, Izaya only leaned his head back against Tsugaru's shoulders, "Alright…we can stay like this."

* * *

><p>"DAMMIT." Heiwajima Shizuo glared at the image in front of him, his hands clenching tightly into fists. Red flashed in his vision as his body trembled with pent up anger.<p>

Seeing Izaya—**his** Izaya—in another man's arms was heartbreaking enough. But to see Izaya accept this man? He wasn't sure if his heart could take it.

"Fuck!" Shizuo cursed, punching at the image in front of him. His fist made contact, and the image cracked like glass. His hazel eyes looked sadly up at the image of his lover that was now broken. The peaceful expression on Izaya's face made his heart wrench in his chest.

"Izaya…" he said softly as he reached out to touch the cheek of his lover. "Did you forget about me already?"

He didn't get an answer, and he wasn't really expecting one.

* * *

><p><strong>Angtsy ending! Poor Shizuo. :(<strong>

**So I would really love some feedback on this chapter because I'm not entirely sure of it…**

**And at the rate that this story seems to be going…I will most likely up the rating (in either the next chapter or the one after). **

**As always, reviews and criticisms are really appreciated and thank you for reading! :D**

**-Xaleria**

(1) Koshi-himo is the cord that is used to tie a yukata in place around the hip. It is different from an obi, which is thicker and worn over the koshi-himo, but they both technically do the same thing and keep the yukata in place.

If any of this information is wrong in some way, feel free to correct me! I tried to research it to the best of my ability but I'm not 100% sure of its accuracy.


	5. Chapter 5

**I honestly cannot fully express my thanks to everyone who reviewed! Especially my returning reviewers! You guys are so awesome. And thank you to those who put this in their favorites and alerted it.**

**WARNING: **The rating for this story _HAS CHANGED_ to **M**. Currently, this chapter only contains a bit of _LIME_, but there will probably be_ LEMON_ in later chapters. **You have been warned**.

**Also, I apologize ahead of time. This is my first time writing lime so I'm sorry if it's not that great. XD**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Durarara or any of its characters.**

* * *

><p>Shiki folded his hands together, his dark eyes looking back and forth from Izaya to Tsugaru curiously. The two acted as if they didn't notice Shiki's stares, Izaya working busily on his laptop as he looked back and forth from the screen to a paper in his hand while Tsugaru read a book silently beside him.<p>

"Are you adjusting well, Tsugaru?" Shiki inquired, leaning forward slightly.

"Yes," Tsugaru responded, glancing up briefly from his book to give Shiki a reassuring smile. "Izaya-san has been much more amicable these past couple weeks."

"Are you trying to imply I wasn't before?" Izaya snapped although he didn't look up from his computer, typing away.

Tsugaru smiled wider, "Of course not, Izaya-san."

Izaya made a disbelieving noise and continued working as Shiki's mouth curled into a knowing smile across from them. So they were getting along, and Izaya seemed much more cheery than he had over two months ago after Shizuo's death. Giving him Tsugaru had been a good decision.

"By the way, Orihara-kun," Shiki started, Izaya looking up briefly from his computer to acknowledge he heard him. "Akabayashi happened to win a couple of amusement park tickets in a grocery store lottery drawing and was wondering whether you would like them."

"And what would I do at an amusement park?" Izaya questioned, raising a brow.

"Why don't you and Tsugaru go together?" Shiki suggested, smiling in amusement when both of their heads snapped up at that, surprise clear on their face. "All of us in Awakusu-kai don't really have the time for such activities, and I highly doubt we could enjoy ourselves there with our appearances."

Izaya had to admit he had a hard time imagining someone like Shiki or Akabayashi going to an amusement park. He really would like some time off and while he wasn't really an amusement park person, it was a great place to observe humans. But to go with Tsugaru? Izaya frowned and peeked at the man beside him and almost groaned when he saw the hopeful look in Tsugaru's eyes.

"It would be a good way for you two to strengthen your relationship," Shiki added, smiling wider when both seemed embarrassed at his words, though both did best to hide it.

"Fine, whatever you say Shiki." Izaya sighed, deciding it was best to give in. After all, this was Shiki, and he knew it was better to just agree rather than argue with the Awakusu-kai executive. Because the man somehow always found a way to get what he wanted.

* * *

><p>"Izaya-san, can we go on that one next?" Izaya's mouth twitched, tempted to smile as he was amused by the childlike excitement in Tsugaru's ocean blue eyes. The moment the two had stepped into the amusement park, the man's head had been spinning back and forth as he took in the sights with wide eyes. He had then proceeded to drag Izaya around, trying out every ride and game. Izaya at first felt overwhelmed by the man's enthusiasm, but soon found himself laughing and enjoying himself watching Tsugaru.<p>

"Sure, Tsugaru, but can I take a quick break first?" Izaya couldn't help but crack a small smile at the sad, puppy-like look on Tsugaru's face as he longingly looked towards the roller coaster, but Tsugaru nodded nonetheless, leading Izaya to a bench to sit.

"Man, it's really hot today," Izaya sighed as he plopped onto the bench and fanned himself, wishing he had forgone his usual black outfit.

"Would you like me to go get you a cold drink, Izaya-san?" Tsugaru inquired, smiling. He wore some casual clothes that consisted of a navy blue military style vest with a white shirt underneath, black jeans, and grey combat boots. Izaya had gotten him some regular clothes after Tsugaru informed him that his kimono outfit was the only clothes he had. Izaya didn't really want him to keep wearing Shizuo's clothes, though Shizuo had only owned a couple sets of pajamas while the rest of his clothes were bartender suits. Not exactly casual wear either.

"That'd be nice," Izaya answered him, watching as Tsugaru disappeared into a throng of people in search of a vending machine.

Tsugaru was walking leisurely through the crowd, on the lookout for a vending machine, when he stopped in front of a game booth. A stuffed white bunny that had pink beads for eyes and a pink yarn styled in an X for the mouth caught Tsugaru's eye. He wasn't sure why, but the bunny looked pretty familiar.

"_Tsugaru!_"

Tsugaru whirled around, sure that he had his name, but no one was looking at him. People just continued to walk by.

"_Tsugaru, I want that bunny!_" Tsugaru's eyes widened when an image passed in front of him. He saw himself, in his usual blue and white kimono, walking towards the game booth, a smaller man pulling on his hand. Tsugaru's eyes landed on the smaller man, widening even more as he saw who it was. It was Izaya! Except…he was different.

This Izaya wore an all white outfit, his white trench coat lined with pink fur. White and pink headphones were adorned on his head of raven hair, pink eyes shining with excitement as he pointed towards the white bunny. "_Tsugaru, can you get that bunny for me? Please?_"

The Tsugaru in the kimono chuckled, ruffling the Izaya look-alike's hair. "_Alright, Psyche._"

Psyche? Why did that name ring a bell? Tsugaru blinked, realizing that the image—or day dream?—had disappeared. He looked around franticly, searching for the pink eyed Izaya. But he was gone.

"What…" Tsugaru looked around once again, but he there was no sign that the pink eyed boy had been there. Tsugaru briefly rubbed his eyes, wondering if he was tired and that's why he was hallucinating.

But if he was just hallucinating, why did his chest hurt so much?

* * *

><p>Izaya looked at the nearby clock with a frown. Tsugaru had been gone a long time; what was taking him so long?<p>

_He didn't get lost, did he?_ Izaya wondered worriedly. Just as he stood up to go find Tsugaru, Tsugaru appeared from the throng of people, two cans in his hands.

He smiled apologetically at Izaya, "Sorry it took so long, Izaya-san. I couldn't find a vending machine so I had to go to a food stall."

"That's okay," Izaya said, taking a can from Tsugaru and opening it. Something was a little off about Tsugaru Izaya noted as he took a drink, studying Tsugaru from the corner of his eye. His previous enthusiasm was gone.

_Did something happen while he went to go get drinks?_ Izaya thought with a frown as he finished off his drink, throwing the can into a nearby recycle bin. Looking at his now despondent companion, Izaya elbowed him playfully and pointed to the ride Tsugaru had mentioned earlier, "Didn't you want to ride that one next? Come on, your frown is bumming me out too."

Tsugaru smiled a bit at Izaya's attempt to cheer him up without really saying that was what he was doing. "Alright, Izaya-san."

They continued the day with their previous excitement and happiness. Tsugaru laughed when he took Izaya onto a wet ride and found out that the informant didn't like getting wet, yelping when they fell down a waterfall and splashed through the water at the bottom, thoroughly getting soaked. Izaya had glared at laughing Tsugaru as he had rung out his clothes afterwards.

Izaya had a chance of getting revenge though when he found out Tsugaru didn't care for heights, dragging the blonde onto a ride that slowly brought them to the top, only to free fall drop them once they reached it. Izaya couldn't help the laughs that came out as tried to coax Tsugaru off the ride, Izaya claiming that they were indeed on solid ground and that Tsugaru would see that if he just opened his eyes.

Izaya also had a chance to show off his knife throwing skills when they stopped by such a game booth. Izaya expertly hit each target, even the one that the game director had purposely made near impossible. They were rewarded with a big fluffy teddy bear which Izaya made Tsugaru hold.

They both laughed at the horrible quality of the park's haunted house as everyone else screamed and ran away from obnoxiously overdone zombies, vampires, and ax murderers. Both of them even hid in the shadows near the exit, scaring the crap out of several couples who thought they were safe because they had reached the end.

The two even tried out one of those cheesy, romantic couple rides, only to come back holding their stomachs laughing at the overall absurdity and cheesiness of it.

Just as the sky turned pink with the setting sun, the two had practically been all over the park. "I think we have time for one more ride before the park closes," Izaya commented as he checked the time on his cell phone.

"How about that one?" Tsugaru suggested as he gestured towards the Ferris wheel that was now lit up with various multi-colored lights.

Izaya hesitated. Up until now, all the rides and games they had done together had been fairly innocent. Ferris wheels were known to be a little more…intimate. Especially when it came to couples. Not that they were a couple! But being alone in a pretty small car up in the sky where people couldn't easily see them…the chances of something intimate happening between them were just too high.

"Izaya-san?" Izaya snapped out of his thoughts, turning to Tsugaru who looked at him with concern. "If you don't want to go on it, we don't have to."

But seeing the wistful look in Tsugaru's eyes made him relent, "No, let's go."

So the two went to wait in line, which was relatively short given the late hour, and soon they were in their own car, slowly making their way to the top. The silence between the two was awkward as Izaya gazed out the window, his chin placed on his propped up hand. He watched the people below as they grew smaller with their ascent, sometimes glancing at Tsugaru from the corner of his eyes. Tsugaru sat quietly, his hands folded in his lap as he kept his eyes on Izaya. His gaze made Izaya's stomach churn uneasily. Izaya bit his lip, wondering if he should say something.

_Should I say something?_ Tsugaru thought as he grasped his hands tightly together, feeling nervous though it didn't show on his face. He went over different things he could say in his head, rejecting each when they sounded too corny or just weird. Depressed that he couldn't come up with anything, he just settled on looking at Izaya, noticing that the smaller man bit his lip in uncertainty. Just as Tsugaru opened his mouth to comment on it, a high pitched screech followed by a popping bang interrupted. Both of them turned to look out the windows on their left, seeing colorful fireworks light up the sky.

They both watched, Izaya amused and Tsugaru amazed, as the fireworks exploded in the sky. Tsugaru turned to Izaya, about to comment on the shape of one firework, but stopped when the Izaya beside him had changed. Izaya turned to him, a smile on his face and his pink eyes shining, "_Ne, aren't they pretty, Tsugaru?_"

The pink eyed Izaya smiled wider, "_Let's come back here again next year!_"

"Psy…che…?" Tsugaru whispered with a questioning tone.

"Hm?" Izaya turned to Tsugaru, a confused expression on his face. "What'd you say?"

Tsugaru blinked, the pink eyed boy gone. "Nothing…" Izaya looked like he didn't believe him but didn't comment on it further as they both turned back to the firework show. But Tsugaru couldn't really see the fireworks anymore. The face of that pink eyed boy who looked so much like Izaya haunted his mind. Tsugaru frowned as he wondered, _Who exactly are you to me?_

* * *

><p>Izaya frowned as he turned onto his back in bed. He was a little concerned about Tsugaru. After they both got off the Ferris wheel and had headed home, the man had been strangely silent. Sure, he did have his moments of silence as he was a serene man, but this silence was different. Izaya couldn't quite place his finger on it, but he felt that something was bothering Tsugaru. But of course, Tsugaru tried not to let that show.<p>

Sighing, Izaya decided to try to forget about it. If Tsugaru really wanted Izaya to know what was wrong, he'd tell him.

Izaya perked up when he heard the knob of his bedroom door turn and the door squeak as it was opened, light from the hallway briefly flooding in. Izaya sat up, a little surprised as he saw who it was. "Tsugaru?" The said man shut the door behind him, walking up to Izaya's bed. "Tsugaru? What's the ma—"

Before Izaya could finish, Tsugaru had thrown himself at Izaya, wrapping the man in his arms. "Don't say that name," he whispered in Izaya's ears. Izaya slightly stiffened in alarm. There was something different about Tsugaru.

"Tsugaru?" he questioned again.

"Don't say that name!" Izaya was shocked that Tsugaru had raised his voice so loudly and that he got angry so quickly. He hardly ever did either. "Don't say that name." His voice sounded hurt and Izaya was confused as to what was going on. What was wrong with Tsugaru?

Suddenly Tsugaru pulled away and Izaya's breath hitched when he saw the conflicted emotions in Tsugaru's eyes. There was hurt, longing, and most of all, love. "Say my name," he demanded softly, looking at Izaya straight in the eyes.

"Tsu—" Izaya stopped when Tsugaru placed a finger on his mouth, shaking his head.

"Not that name," he practically growled. "**My **name. Say **my** name, Izaya."

No –san? That wasn't like Tsugaru. In fact, Tsugaru was hardly acting like himself at all. He was kind of acting like he was…Izaya's eyes widened as he finally looked at Tsugaru's face, seeing a distinct expression he didn't see in anyone else's face but…"Shizu-chan?"

He smiled softly, satisfied to hear his name, even if it was that silly nickname Izaya had given him. "It's me, flea."

Izaya didn't know what to think, but his body did the thinking for him. He found himself thrown at Shizuo, wrapping his arms around his neck as he cried out, "Shizu-chan!Shizu-chan Shizu-chan Shizu-chan Shizu-chan!" He chanted his name like it was a mantra that would keep Shizuo there. "Is that really you?" Izaya pulled away, not caring that there were tears in his eyes as he held Shizuo's face in his hands. His Shizu-chan was in his arms! And it didn't feel like this was a dream. And if it was, he didn't want to wake up! "Please tell me this isn't another one of my dreams."

"I said it was me, didn't I flea?" Shizuo chuckled, and Izaya didn't realize till then how much he had missed Shizuo's deep, rumbling laughs.

"But how—?" Izaya began to question, but he was stopped when Shizuo leaned towards him, kissing him softly.

He slowly pulled away a moment later, placing his hand against Izaya's cheek. He whispered, "Does it really matter as to how as long as I am here?"

He had a point Izaya thought, but he didn't have long to dwell on his thoughts as Shizuo pulled him forward to kiss him again, this time more roughly and demandingly. His tongue brushed against Izaya's lips, seeking entrance, and Izaya complied, moaning softly when their tongues met, tasting each other as much as they could.

Izaya no longer cared if this was a dream and how disappointed he'd be when he woke up. He only cared about how much he had missed Shizuo and how much he needed him now.

"Izaya," Shizuo huskily breathed when they pulled apart, panting as they looked into each other's eyes. "God, I missed you."

Suddenly Izaya was thrown down onto his back on the bed, Shizuo on him as the blonde placed kisses down his neck, nipping and sucking and leaving as many marks as he could. Shizuo wanted there to be some sign that he had been there. So that when Izaya woke up, he could see those kiss marks and know that it hadn't been a dream. That Shizuo had been there and that he still loved him. He also wanted that damn bastard who took his place to be able to see those marks tomorrow and know that no matter what, Izaya was **his**. And his alone.

"Shizu-chan, Shizu-chan," Izaya breathily murmured as he wrapped his arms around the blonde's neck, encouraging him. He gasped as he felt Shizuo's hands pull up his grey hoodie, teasingly tracing swirls around his stomach before they reached up to tweak Izaya's perky, pink buds. "Ahhh!"

Izaya blushed, realizing he had gotten so much more sensitive after being celibate for over two months. But Shizuo only chuckled as his hands pulled Izaya's hoodie over his head and threw it onto the floor. Shizuo licked his lips in anticipation, loving the blush spread across Izaya's face as his pale skin glowed in the moonlight from the window. Leaning his head down, Shizuo placed his mouth over a pink nub, his tongue swirling it around and teeth teasingly nipping it.

"Ahn!" Izaya moaned, his fingers tangling themselves in Shizuo's hair as his body shivered. He was thoroughly embarrassed with how easily he was losing himself to the pleasurable motions as before he used to be able to match Shizuo's actions with his own flirtatious teasing in bed. However, tonight he just couldn't get a hold himself as he drowned in the euphoria of Shizuo's touch.

"Shi-Shizu-chan," Izaya panted as his eyes fluttered open halfway, filled with lust as he looked at the man on top of him.

Shizuo growled, hardly able to hold himself back from ravishing Izaya right then and there. But he faintly reminded himself that this wasn't really his body, and the idea of someone else inside **his** Izaya made him shudder with disgust. But that didn't mean he couldn't pleasure his lover. Shizuo was determined to have Izaya screaming his name and want him so much that this man he currently possessed would have no more room to enter.

"Shizu-ch—mmph!" Izaya had looked up questionably at his lover who suddenly had a dark expression on his face, but was interrupted when Shizuo forced his mouth again onto Izaya's, their tongues wrapping against each others in heated passion. Shizuo's hands went back to teasingly tweaking Izaya's nipples as Shizuo worked his knee in between Izaya's thighs, pressing against the obvious bulge there.

"Ngh…" Izaya whimpered as Shizuo regrettably released his mouth, trailing kisses back down his neck and leaving hickeys. One of Shizuo's hands traveled downward and grabbed the elastic waistline of Izaya's workout shorts, pulling them down and flinging them on the ground. Shizuo groaned as he realized that he had forgotten Izaya slept with no underwear. Seeing the naked body of his lover, basked in the pale glow of the moonlight, had heat pooling in the lower part of his body.

"Shizuo?" Izaya murmured as he questionably looked at his lover.

The man just held up his fingers, saying in a rough voice, "Suck." Izaya obeyed, putting the fingers into his mouth and wrapping his tongue around them, coating them with a generous amount of saliva. Once he was done, Shizuo pulled his fingers away and spread Izaya's legs apart, tauntingly tracing circles around his puckered entrance before sliding a slick finger in.

"Nnn…" Izaya groaned at the strange sensation of being entered as Shizuo steadily moved his finger in and out as his other hand started to pump Izaya's neglected member. After a few moments Shizuo slid in another finger, delving in deeper into Izaya and barely brushing against his prostrate, causing the other to whine. "Shizu-chan, don't tease me."

Shizuo smiled as he placed a kiss against Izaya's neck, feeling the other tremble under his touch as he whimpered in a needing manner.

"Ahh!" Izaya cried out when Shizuo finally granted his wish and pressed his fingers against his prostrate, making Izaya's vision briefly go white from shock of pleasure. His body trembled with the aching need to cum as Shizuo picked up speed in pumping his cock. Dear god, he couldn't let go this easily!

"Ahh…nn…" Izaya wantonly moaned as Shizuo let a third finger in, pumping those fingers as his fist matched the movement around Izaya's member. "Shi-Shizu-ch-chan…I-I ca—AHH!"

Izaya pressed his face into a pillow, his face heating up as he heard how lewd he sounded as Shizuo repeatedly pressed his fingers against his sweet spot.

"Izaya," Shizuo groaned as he felt his body's own aching with need. But he tried his best to ignore it as he commanded, "Let me see your face." But Izaya shook his head. "Izaya, please." The pleading tone of his voice caused Izaya to turn towards Shizuo, who smiled once he saw him. "I want to see your face as you cum."

He wasn't sure whether his face heated up upon hearing that or Shizuo once again hitting against his prostrate causing stars to explode in Izaya's vision as he felt the tightening in his lower body, "Shizu-chan…I'm go-gonna—ahh!" He cried out as he reached the edge, spilling his seed all over his stomach and Shizuo's hand.

His body felt heavy and sticky as he panted, his vision clearing to see Shizuo smiling lovingly down at him. Shizuo leaned down and kissed Izaya's forehead. He then started to move up, but Izaya grabbed his arm, afraid he'd disappear once he was out of sight. "Stay," Izaya pleaded.

Shizuo smiled softly, leaning down and kissing Izaya slowly on the lips. "I was just going to get a warm towel to clean you up."

Blushing with embarrassment, Izaya let go and turned away from Shizuo, hearing the man laugh as his feet thumped against the ground. He heard the bathroom door open and the sound of water running in the sink. Shizuo then returned with a towel in hand and sat back on the bed as he pulled Izaya towards him, rubbing him down to clean him of semen and sweat. Once Izaya had changed back into his pajamas and the sheets had been changed, the two crawled back into bed, Izaya cuddling against Shizuo as the latter held the former in his arms. They silently stayed like that for a moment, basking in each other's presence.

"Shizuo?" Izaya whispered, breaking the silence.

"Hm?" the blonde murmured, his face buried in Izaya's raven locks.

"You won't leave again, will you?" Izaya could feel the tears prickling at the corner of his eyes again.

Shizuo moved so that he could look at Izaya straight in the eyes before he leaned down and chastely kissed him, pulling away only to put their foreheads against each other. "Izaya, I've always been here. I'm always watching over you."

"But you're not here psychically," Izaya countered, feeling the tears leave hot streaks as they fell down his cheeks.

"Aww, dammit, don't cry," Shizuo muttered as he pulled the small man into a hug. "I hate seeing you cry."

"Why?" was all Izaya could word as the sobs took over. "Why did you do that? If you hadn't done that…you'd still be here."

"Izaya," Shizuo grabbed Izaya's chin to pull his face up and force the man to meet his eyes. "Izaya, I did that to save you. As long as you're alive, I'm happy."

"But you're not!" Izaya cried out, the tears spilling down his cheeks. "You're not alive! And since you're dead, I might as well be dead too!"

"Don't say that!" Shizuo growled, getting upset. "Dammit! Don't say that! I don't care that I'm dead! If you had died, I wouldn't know what to do with myself! I'm glad that I was the one who died that day."

"Why!" Izaya glared at the man. "Was life with me really that miserable? Was it really that horrible that you had to go and get yourself killed!"

"I'm glad I was the one who died because that meant I had protected the one I love!"

Izaya stopped at that, looking up at Shizuo and seeing the seriousness in his eyes. "Izaya," he said softly, caressing his lover's face gently. "You mean so much to me. Much more than my own life."

"You stupid protozoan!" Izaya hit him against the chest, and Shizuo grunted at the impact, reminding him that this wasn't his body. "Who said you could decide to die for me! You mean the same to me! You are my life…" Izaya trailed off, his expression saddening. "What am I supposed to do now that you're gone?"

"Live on for me," Shizuo responded, watching Izaya's scarlet eyes have a questioning look. "Live on for me because I swear that one day, I will come back to you." He once again hugged Izaya tightly, burying his face into Izaya's raven hair, inhaling his distinct scent. "I'll come back to you, I swear."

And that was how they stayed the entire night, in each other's arms, whispering "I love you" again and again until they both drifted off to sleep.

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><p><strong>Wow, this chapter ended up being so much longer than I originally intended that I had to push some things I wanted to write here into the next chapter instead. <strong>

**Anyway, I hope the lime was enjoyable? XD I seriously felt I was so corny with Shizuo's lines…especially the "let me see your face" one…gahh *dies* Some feedback on that would be nice so I know if I did a good job or not. I wouldn't want to keep writing those kinds of scenes when you guys don't like it. **

**And dang, even the Ferris wheel scene was kind of cheesy, but it was so cute I couldn't help but put it in. You have permission to shoot me if it was too cliché. XD Ohh, and was anyone expecting Psyche? I hope I surprised some of you guys.**

**Also, I will be busy the next few days so I hope this can suffice until I'm able to finish up and post the next chapter!**

**Thanks for reading and reviewing as always! **

**-Xaleria**


	6. Chapter 6

**This seriously has to be the fastest story I've ever written, and it's all thanks to your guys' great reviews encouraging me! :)**

**WARNING: **The rating for this story _HAS CHANGED_ to **M**.

**Disclaimer: I do not own Durarara or any of its characters.**

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><p>"<em>Wake up, Tsugaru~" His eyes slowly fluttered open to the sound of his name and the light, teasing voice that said it. He blinked, confused for a moment as magenta eyes looked back at him, a smile on the pale face in front of him. A hand reached out and brushed back the hair in Tsugaru's face, the touch comforting and warm. "Good morning sleepyhead." <em>

_Suddenly his body didn't feel like his own as he felt himself smile and his hand reach up to thread his fingers in the pale man's raven hair. "Morning Psyche," his voice said, amused and happy. _

_Psyche. It was that man again. The one he had seen at the amusement park. What was he doing in Izaya's home? But as Tsugaru felt himself get up and scan his surroundings, he was shocked to find he wasn't in Izaya's home. _

_The place was simple but likeable, the walls a soft light blue color and the bed he was laying on a dark wood with white sheets as the other bedroom accents matched it. The young man, Psyche, sat next to Tsugaru on the bed in his all white and pink outfit, headphones on his head. As Tsugaru looked down, he found himself in his yukata. "You want some breakfast, Tsugaru?" Psyche questioned as he stood up, heading towards the bedroom door. "I made your favorite." _

"_Sounds good," Tsugaru replied, moving to get up as he watched Psyche leave. The door opened, a flash of light shining and momentarily blinding Tsugaru. He held up his hand to his eyes to block the light out._

_Soon the light faded and when Tsugaru removed his hand from his eyes he was shocked to find himself looking up at the sky, green grass tickling his skin as pink cherry blossoms flew through the wind. He felt a warm feeling in his hand and turned to his side to see Psyche lying beside him as their hands were intertwined together. _

_Psyche then pushed himself up on his elbows, placing his cheek on one hand as his other ran through Tsugaru's hair. "Ne, Tsugaru, if these sakura were shooting stars, what would you wish for?"_

_Tsugaru felt himself chuckle, his chest vibrating with the rumbling sound, "That's a lot of wishes, Psyche." _

_Psyche pouted to show he wasn't satisfied with Tsugaru's answer. Tsugaru laughed again, reaching up and gently running his fingers through Psyche's hair. He smiled softly, "I guess I'd wish for us to stay together forever." Before Psyche could respond Tsugaru pulled him down and kissed him softly. _

_Psyche pulled away with a smile on his face, "Silly Tsugaru, why would you wish for something that's already going to come true?" He reached down for another kiss before Tsugaru could answer him. Tsugaru shut his eyes, feeling so at peace before the feeling of Psyche's lips against his disappeared._

_His eyes shot open only to see that he was somewhere different again. He found himself in some type of alleyway, a large empty bottle of alcohol gripped loosely in his left hand as his forehead was pressed against his right arm that was on his upward bent right leg. He weakly lifted the bottle to his mouth, scowling when he found it empty. Angrily he threw the bottle against the wall across from him, it shattering upon impact. Miserable once again he buried his face in his hands. _

"_Hey, you okay there?" Tsugaru looked up, inwardly being surprised at seeing Akabayashi crouched next to him with Shiki standing behind him although his face didn't show it. _

_Instead, he felt his face scowl and glare, his voice rough as he growled, "Do I look okay?" He was surprised to hear himself so angry. He hardly ever expressed anger as it took a lot to get him upset. But how come Akabayashi and Shiki were here? Didn't he first meet them in Akabayashi's club? He didn't remember ever meeting them like this._

_Shiki all of sudden looked interested in him, leaning forward, "Is your hair naturally blonde?" _

_Tsugaru felt himself get pissed off, "Why the hell are you asking?" _

_Tsugaru saw Shiki's mouth twitch, tempted to frown, but Tsugaru had to applaud the man's poker face, "How tall are you? Could you stand up please?"_

"_What the fuck are you getting at?" Tsugaru snarled, standing up a little too quickly as he stumbled over his wobbly feet, Akabayashi quickly reaching out and grabbing his arm to save his face from meeting the ground. Tsugaru roughly pulled his arm out of Akabayashi's grip, glaring at the man._

_Shiki's face was more contemplative this time as his eyes narrowed in speculation, sizing up Tsugaru. "You're just about the same body size, and your hair is practically the same as his, too bad you have blue eyes but that's alright…Yes, you'd do quite nicely."_

"_What the fuck are you talking about?" Tsugaru muttered, losing his patience. He was surprised his words came out so clearly even though he was drunk. _

"_How would you like an escape from your misery?" Shiki asked, pulling a photo from his suit as he handed it to Tsugaru. It took a few tries for Tsugaru to grasp it steadily, but once he saw who was in the picture his eyes widened. "That man in the picture is a friend of mine who lost his lover recently, and he's been so depressed lately that I worry for his health. I feel that he needs someone else for him to become better. With a little surgery, you'd look a lot like his dead lover. How would you feel about becoming his lover's replacement?"_

_There was a voice in the back of Tsugaru's mind that told him this is exactly what he had been waiting for: a second chance. He could leave everything behind and start anew. The memories would stop haunting him…_

"_When do you want me to have this surgery?" Tsugaru asked, looking up at Shiki with resolve in his eyes. _

_A smile broke across Shiki's face._

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><p>Tsugaru opened his eyes and looked around, not quite understanding where he was now. Everything around him was white and seemingly endless. Was he still dreaming?—assuming that was what he had been doing earlier too. Tsugaru figured he must be, but it sure was an odd dream. First he had dreamed about Psyche, who he couldn't remember, and it still bugged Tsugaru that he and Psyche seemed to have some sort of connection he also couldn't remember. And then he had dreamed about Shiki and Akabayashi, though he couldn't recall that memory of them. Had it just been a delusion?<p>

But he didn't really care about the dream of Shiki and Akabayashi, more concerned with the mysterious Psyche.

_Perhaps we were lovers?_ Tsugaru thought, remembering that he had kissed Psyche in his dream. But had that actually happened in reality? After all, he couldn't remember this Psyche. Maybe his dream was showing a subconscious wish of wanting to be lovers with Izaya since Psyche looked so much like him? But then why was he called Psyche and different from Izaya? Why did it _**feel **_different too? With Izaya, he felt half hopeful to gain his love and also half confused as to why there was this strong feeling of attachment. He had just figured that was because Izaya seemed weak and he wanted to protect him, but could there actually be an underlying cause? Was Psyche the cause? Because with Psyche, Tsugaru found himself at peace. Everything just felt right.

So did that mean Psyche and Izaya were really two different people? And if they were, did that mean those dreams he had of Psyche were actually memories he had forgotten? But why had he?

"Tsugaru?" a voice gasped. He turned around, shocked to see the pink eyed boy that had consumed his thoughts till now. Psyche stood there, his eyes wide with shock, his mouth forming an 'O', and his hands clenched tightly in front of him. He wore all white as usual, almost blending into the white space around them if not for the pink accents in his outfit. "What are you doing here? You're not supposed to be here!"

His pink eyes frantically glanced around, his hands moving to pull up a screen that appeared out of thin air in front of him. He hissed as he saw what was on it, and Tsugaru too was surprised to see the image on it. He, at least Tsugaru thought it was him, was on top of Izaya, their lips touching with flashes of the pink of their tongues peeking out now and then. Tsugaru's face heated up as he heard Izaya's wanton moans as the Tsugaru on the screen touched him everywhere. "Shi-Shizu-chan…" Izaya breathed, his eyes half open with lust.

Suddenly the screen disappeared and Tsugaru found Psyche's face red with anger. "How dare he!" he hissed. "How dare he possess Tsugaru's body!"

_Possess?_ Tsugaru thought questionably. So that wasn't really him on the screen? Well, of course that made sense since he was obviously not conscious and still dreaming. But how could he—

Tsugaru's train of thought then stopped as he remembered the name Izaya had said. Shizu-chan. Heiwajima Shizuo? Did that mean Shizuo had possessed his body? Was that even possible? Tsugaru should have been questioning where he was now and why and how Shizuo had come to possess his body, but he found himself more interested in the pink eyed young man in front of him. "You're Psyche, right?"

Surprised that he had suddenly spoken, Psyche looked up at Tsugaru, horror evident across his face. "How do you know my name? You're not supposed to remember me."

Remember? So he had forgotten who this boy was. Tsugaru stepped forward towards Psyche, only to be crushed when Psyche stepped back. He had never felt so hurt by rejection, not even when Izaya claimed he'd never fall in love with him. He wasn't sure how exactly, but he was sure that Psyche had been someone important to him. Someone who made his heart swell with conflicted feelings of happiness and sadness. He could tell by the ache in his chest and the faint feeling of longing inside him.

He saw those feelings reflected as well in Psyche's eyes, but Psyche only shook his head. "No, Tsugaru, you have to forget me. Don't remember who I am, please."

"Why?" Tsugaru questioned, furrowing his brow in confusion and slight annoyance. How was it that he forgot someone so important?

"Trust me," Psyche whispered softly, his eyes cast down. "It's better if you just forgot me."

Somehow, Tsugaru couldn't accept that. Why did Psyche want Tsugaru to forget him so much? What had happened between them? What exactly had they been to each other? Tsugaru wanted answers. He wanted to know why this man felt so important to him. "No."

The word surprised the both of them, but Tsugaru quickly went with the feeling, quickly walking up to Psyche and grabbing the man's hands before he could run away. "I…I don't want to forget," Tsugaru murmured, his expression contorting to confusion as he tried hard to remember his dim past.

"Tsugaru, let go," Psyche mumbled uncertainly at first, half heartedly struggling. "Let go of me!"

"No," Tsugaru just held onto Psyche's hands tighter, trying so hard to piece together the past he couldn't remember. In the back of his mind, he found it slightly funny as he remembered how he had told Izaya he didn't care who he was before, yet here he was trying desperately to remember just that. "Why don't you want me to remember who you are? What exactly are you to me? How come…"

_How come it hurts so much when I think of you? _Tsugaru frowned as the clenching feeling in his chest tightened.

Psyche was now trembling in his grip, trying hard to hold back the tears he knew were building up. He stopped fighting against Tsugaru, instead sinking down to fall to his knees, sobbing softly. Tsugaru all of sudden felt guilty and panicked over seeing the tears in Psyche's eyes. He quickly fell to his knees too, rubbing Psyche's back soothingly, "I-I'm sorry…was I too insistent?"

But Psyche didn't answer, only looked up to stare into Tsugaru's blue eyes. He sobbed, giving up on resisting and throwing his arms around the surprised blonde. He buried his face against Tsugaru's chest, his tears soaking through Tsugaru's clothes. But Tsugaru didn't care. All he wanted was to comfort this man as he wrapped his arms around his lithe frame. He was suddenly reminded of the day he first met Izaya, and how he had felt an unexplainable attachment to him as he held the raven in his arms. Was it because of this? Because Psyche looked so much like Izaya? Was that why there was an instant attraction to Izaya?

"Tsu-Tsugaru," Psyche stuttered as he clutched the fabric of Tsugaru's shirt tighter. "I-I mi-mis-missed yo-you so much!"

"I know, I'm sorry," Tsugaru said automatically, not entirely sure what he was apologizing for but feeling it was the right thing to say. He soothing ran his fingers through Psyche's hair, feeling complete. How could he have forgotten this? Being here, with Psyche in his arms, it just felt so right. What had caused him to forget it?

After a few moments of silence, Psyche gasped, realizing he had done exactly what he wasn't supposed to do. His face heated with shame as he chastised himself for giving in, for allowing Tsugaru to be with him so long. He quickly pushed away, Tsugaru giving him a surprised, questioning, and hurt look. It practically broke Psyche's heart to see that expression on Tsugaru's face, but he had made up his mind long ago. He couldn't back out now. "Tsugaru," he said softly, taking the blonde man's face in his hands, sadly looking into his blue eyes. "You have to forget me and move on. You have to help Izaya and heal his broken heart, and he'll help heal yours."

Faintly Tsugaru remembered hearing similar words in the back of his mind back when Izaya had first asked him why he had chosen to replace his dead lover. Had that been Psyche talking to him? Tsugaru opened his mouth to protest, but became panicked when he saw the image of Psyche fading. Psyche, however, smiled softly, knowing Tsugaru was returning to where he belonged. "Please Tsugaru…" Tsugaru reached out, trying to grasp Psyche's hand in his again only to have his fingers pass through Psyche's. Psyche was almost gone, his voice barely above a whisper.

"Please just forget me."

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><p>Tsugaru's eyes shot open and he found himself staring at the ceiling of Izaya's room. The said raven was still sleeping peacefully beside him, cuddled near his chest. A few days ago, Tsugaru would have found the scene endearing and as a sign of hope that Izaya was finally accepting him. But Tsugaru knew that it wasn't him Izaya thought he was sleeping next to, and now Tsugaru just felt confused and a little disgusted with himself.<p>

He placed a hand over his eyes, tempted to cry but knowing that he won't. He always tried to hide how he felt, succeeding most of the time. And right now, he felt ashamed as he began to wonder if he did this meaning to replace Shizuo to save Izaya or if he was actually just using Izaya to replace someone else to save himself.

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><p>"Shit!" Shizuo growled angrily, slamming his fist down on the surface beneath him. He then bitterly looked at his arms, just moments ago having his lover in them. "Dammit," he said more tamely this time, burying his face into his hands to hide how sad and pathetic he felt.<p>

Why was it that nothing ever worked out for him? The first time Shizuo had cared for someone—a woman who had taken note of his injuries and offered him a bottle of milk—he had just ended up hurting her. And now he had done the same to Izaya, leaving his lover all alone and with the burden of guilt over his death.

If only things had gone differently that day. If only his cursed strength had finally been good for something! Because of it, he had survived so many other near-death experiences before, why was it that the one time he needed to be alive his strength had failed him and he had died?

Shizuo sighed, wishing he had some cigarettes as he looked up, staring blankly at the white space around him. It felt so empty and cold. Damn, he really wanted a cigarette now.

"Who do you think you are!" the slightly high pitched, and obviously enraged, voice shocked him for a moment as he whirled around, finding a young man who looked a lot like Izaya with a few subtle differences standing there with his hands on his hips and a scowl on his face.

Shizuo arched a brow in question, looking the man up and down. He sure did look like Izaya, except he wore all white with pink, and had pink colored eyes. And somehow his attitude and the way he presented himself also seemed a bit different. "…Who are you?"

"My name is Psyche," the man harshly told him, narrowing his eyes in displeasure. "And I asked you a question. Who do you think you are taking over Tsugaru's body like that?"

At the sound of that other man's name, Shizuo bristled. He usually disliked it when he got angry—though sometimes some people were just complete assholes that he couldn't help but be angry—but who the hell did this kid think he was questioning his actions? "I'm Izaya's **original** lover so I see no harm in trying to get rid of a second rate **replacement** of me."

Although the insult was technically directed at Tsugaru, Shizuo saw Psyche become offended when the younger man's eyes widened, his mouth setting into a tight line of discontentment as his eyebrows furrowed closer together in annoyance and fury. "Tsugaru is NOT a second rate replacement! He genuinely cares for Izaya, and unlike you, he's ALIVE!"

Shizuo quickly stood up, stepping towards the young man threateningly as he clenched his fists, "So you're saying just because I'm **dead** I should give Izaya up to someone else?"

"Yes!" Psyche snapped, not backing down even as Shizuo got angrier. In fact, he boldly stepped towards Shizuo so that he could place his pointing index finger on the blonde's chest, "You need to get over it and accept that Izaya needs to move on, not cling onto your past together and somehow hope you magically reappear! And you shouldn't be giving him false hope such as possessing another man's body and making love to him! You're DEAD, Heiwajima Shizuo, and there's no way to get back to living!"

Suddenly Psyche's expression changed, a sad, bitter smile marring his face as he muttered, "Trust me, I've tried."

Seeing the change in behavior, Shizuo found he could no longer be mad at the young man. He understood the pain and longing he saw in Psyche's magenta eyes. He had the same in his hazel ones. All of sudden Shizuo knew he had found a kindred spirit. A man who knew what it was like to leave a loved one behind, missing them and wanting to go back to them but being powerless to do so.

"Life's just not fair, isn't it?" Shizuo murmured, stuffing his hands in his pockets and again wishing he had a cigarette, missing the taste of nicotine on his tongue to relieve stress.

Psyche sadly nodded his head in agreement, "It's not fair at all."

And the two just stood in silence together in the empty white place, suddenly no longer feeling as lonely but still like they were missing a part of themselves.

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><p><strong>I wanted to write more but this was a good ending. XD But that means there will be more in the next chapter~! Sorry this one is short guys, I wanted to get another chapter out before the weekend as I'll be busy and won't be able to write for a couple of days. I'll make the next chapter WAY longer to make it up to you guys! <strong>

**Also sorry if you guys find any mistakes anywhere, I did kind of a quick proofread wanting to get this out quickly. If you guys find any major mistakes please point them out and I'll change them ASAP!**

**A lot of Psyche in this chapter and more of Tsugaru's past! :D Hope you enjoyed a peek at his life~ More next chapter! **

**As always, I appreciate your guys' reviews so much! Thanks so much for reading and reviewing!**

**-Xaleria**


	7. Chapter 7

**So my plans for today got canceled last minute meaning I was free to write this chapter! Yay! So I decided to spoil you guys with this super long chapter! Hope you guys enjoy it~**

**Also, thank you so much for your reviews! They seriously make me so happy! I will reply to all of them soon. And thanks to those who alerted this story and added it to faves!**

**WARNING: **The rating for this story _HAS CHANGED_ to **M**. There will be _LEMON_ in this chapter. **You have been warned.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Durarara or any of its characters.**

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><p>Izaya yawned as he slowly uncurled his body, stretching until he heard the satisfying pop of his bones and his muscles relaxed. He opened his eyes, still somewhat half asleep as he glanced to the side of him. He frowned when he found it empty.<p>

Placing his hand against the spot, the sheets feeling cool on his skin, he wondered if he had dreamed everything after all. "You said you'd stay, Shizu-chan," he muttered, gripping the sheets in his hands. Sighing, he decided there was no use wallowing in sorrow in bed, but he sluggishly moved to the bathroom, turning on the light then pulling off his grey hoodie to shower. At that moment, he turned toward the mirror, gasping as he spotted obvious dark bruises scattered around his neck and upper chest. He gingerly touched them, fearing they'd disappear if he did so. But they didn't. They still stood out against his pale skin, showing that he hadn't been dreaming last night and that Shizuo had really been there. Shizuo was still there.

He felt his heart swell with hope, his mouth unconsciously breaking out into a silly smile. Shizuo was still alive, in a sense, and he had promised he would come back. While a small voice in the back of his mind told him it was impossible, Izaya couldn't help but believe it was true. It was his Shizuo after all. He would find some way…

Izaya's eyes then widened as he remembered that he had forgotten all about Tsugaru! He bit his lip in worry, wondering what Tsugaru could have been thinking when he woke up and found himself next to Izaya. He wouldn't get the wrong idea…would he?

Quickly Izaya rushed out of the restroom and into his living room, calling out, "Tsugaru!"

But the blonde, blue eyed man was nowhere in sight. Confused and surprised, Izaya checked the kitchen and all the other rooms of his place but couldn't find Tsugaru at all. Walking back into his bedroom, thoughts ran to Izaya's head. Did Tsugaru run away? No, that didn't make any sense. Why would he run? He was trying to get Izaya to fall in love with him after all. Maybe Tsugaru just went out for a walk to think about what had occurred last night for him to end up in Izaya's bed? Yeah, that seemed more plausible.

Just as he was about to go back to the bathroom to shower, Izaya saw a white piece of paper on his nightstand out of the corner of his eye. He picked it up and read what it said:

_Dear Izaya-san,_

_I'm sorry to have left you alone, but I needed to discuss some things with Shiki and have gone to his place. I may be gone for a while so please do not worry about me. I'll try to come back as soon as I can._

_-Tsugaru_

Wondering what they could possibly be talking about Izaya placed the note back on the nightstand and made his way to the bathroom. He guessed he'd just have to ask Tsugaru about it when he came back.

* * *

><p>Shiki kept his fingers threaded together, his chin placed on them, as he propped his arms up on his thighs. He looked at the man sitting across from him, seeing the determination in his blue eyes. Shiki sighed. It didn't look like Tsugaru would budge from his decision anytime soon. "So you want to know why we picked you to replace Heiwajima Shizuo?" Shiki sighed again as he now sat back, placing his arms on the back of the plush red couch he sat on. Akabayashi stood behind him, looking nonchalant as he pretended to be absorbed with studying his cane.<p>

"Yes," Tsugaru said in a firm voice, wanting to show Shiki that he wasn't going to leave until he had answers. "That time you found me in Akabayashi's club…that wasn't the first time we met, was it?"

Shiki nodded his head as he crossed one leg over the other and sat up straighter, "You're right, it wasn't the first time we met."

"Why did you pick me then?" Tsugaru furrowed his brow in confusion.

"Because you looked a lot like Heiwajima Shizuo, even without the plastic surgery," Shiki answered. "You were the best to replace him look-wise."

"How did you find me?"

Shiki paused a bit before he answered, "We found you in an alleyway behind Akabayashi's club. You were dead drunk and pretty miserable looking."

Tsugaru realized that he had seen that memory in his dream, and, unlike he had thought, it had been real. "How come I don't remember meeting you then?"

"Because," Shiki started, looking almost a little fed up with answering Tsugaru's questions. "When you had the plastic surgery, we used a drug that, plainly said, brainwashed you to make you forget everything you knew before the surgery."

"Why?"

Shiki didn't keep the displeased look off his face this time, "You were the one who asked us to do it."

That answer shocked Tsugaru and he didn't bother hiding it, "Why did I do that?"

"Because you wanted to forget your past," this answer came from Akabayashi who leaned forward against the couch, his arms crossed on the back. "You said you wanted a second chance to atone for your past mistake. Now don't ask me what that is, you never told us. All you said was that you wanted to forget everything because the memories hurt too much."

Tsugaru was shocked to hear what he had said. So the reason he couldn't remember anything was actually his own fault? But why? What had hurt him so much that he wanted to forget? "I…I don't understand…" Tsugaru confessed, frowning as he looked down at his hands that he hadn't noticed till now were clenched tightly in fists.

Seeing the confused and hurt expression on Tsugaru's face, Akabayashi sighed and reached into his suit to pull out a sealed, white envelope from his inner pocket. "Here, Tsugaru-san," Akabayashi held out the letter towards him, "you told me that if you ever came back, questioning what had happened to you before, I was to give you this."

Tsugaru looked at the envelope questioningly before taking it in his hands. He hesitated at first to open it, scared about what he would find inside. "You wanted answers, didn't you?" Tsugaru turned up to look at Shiki, surprised he had spoken. Shiki frowned as he gestured towards the letter, "That holds all the answers to your questions. Why don't you read it and then decide from there what you want to do."

Tsugaru was genuinely surprised with what Shiki had said, "Didn't you want me to stay with Izaya-san to make sure he returns to normal? What if I read this and decide to leave him?"

"I'm sure Orihara-kun can take care of himself now," Shiki said with a shrug. "The one who looks like he needs help is you."

Tsugaru couldn't argue with that. He bid the two Awakusu-kai executives goodbye and headed to a nearby park. Once he was situated on a bench, he looked back at the sealed envelope. It didn't have any writing on it and felt pretty thick. Sucking in a deep breath, Tsugaru quickly tore it open before he lost his nerve. He pulled out several pages filled with neat, precise handwriting and recognized it as his own. Deciding that it was too late to go back now, Tsugaru began to read:

_If you're reading this, then I guess that means I have started to remember who I was and that means I have failed once again. But I also guess that means I have found my answer. I am damned to always feel this guilt. To always remember him and love him, and know that he is gone now because of me, and that there are no such things as second chances._

_You are probably confused, as you most likely only faintly remember your former life. __**My **__life. I guess that means I will have to tell you about it, as there is no escape now. If you couldn't find someone else to love and forget everything now, then it is practically impossible for you to do later. To begin, my name is Tsugaru. I had a lover named Psyche. However, he has passed away._

_And I was the one who killed him._

* * *

><p><strong>Several months ago…<strong>

"Wake up, Tsugaru~!" The sound of his voice rang like bells in Tsugaru's ears. He opened his eyes, gazing into the pink eyes of his lover who smiled and pushed Tsugaru's messy bangs back from his face. "Good morning sleepyhead."

"Morning Psyche," he replied in an amused voice, a smile gracing his face as he reached up and threaded his fingers through Psyche's black hair.

"You want some breakfast, Tsugaru?" Psyche asked as he stood up, moving towards the bedroom door. "I made your favorite."

"Sounds good," Tsugaru said as he started to get out of bed, stretching his body and keeping his eyes on his lover as Psyche pulled open the door and headed towards the kitchen. Tsugaru went the bathroom to wash his face and then headed out into the dining room where Psyche had finished setting down their plates stacked with chocolate chip pancakes.

The two ate in their usual demeanor, Psyche chatting away as he ate with Tsugaru nodding and listening with a smile. Once the two had finished their breakfast, Psyche's eyes shone with excitement. "Today is your day off, right Tsugaru? We should go to the park to watch the cherry blossoms fall!"

Seeing the excitement and pleading look in Psyche's eyes made Tsugaru laugh as he ruffled his younger lover's hair affectionately, "Alright, Psyche. We can go."

The younger man cheered as he jumped up and down excitedly. The two proceeded to get dressed for the day then headed out of their apartment towards a nearby park. They found a secluded section of the park where many cherry blossoms trees were planted, their blossoms twirling in the air and spinning on the ground. The both of them settled to lie down on the grass, their hands intertwined together as they watched the blossoms fall around them. They relished in the natural beauty around them, not bothered by the silence between them as it was comfortable.

Psyche was the one who broke the silence when pushed himself up on his elbows and placed his cheek on one hand as his other ran through Tsugaru's hair. "Ne, Tsugaru, if these sakura were shooting stars, what would you wish for?"

Tsugaru chuckled, "That's a lot of wishes, Psyche."

Psyche's lips pursed into a pout to show he wasn't satisfied with Tsugaru's answer. Tsugaru laughed again, reaching up and gently running his fingers through Psyche's hair. He smiled softly, "I guess I'd wish for us to stay together forever." Before Psyche could respond Tsugaru pulled him down and kissed him softly.

Psyche pulled away with a smile on his face, "Silly Tsugaru, why would you wish for something that's already going to come true?" He reached down for another kiss before Tsugaru could answer him.

The kiss was soft and gentle at first before Psyche became more needy, whimpering against Tsugaru's lips as he wanted more. Tsugaru happily obliged his lover's desires as he teasingly sucked on Psyche's bottom lip before the younger man whined in annoyance, and Tsugaru pushed his tongue into Psyche's mouth, exploring the wet cavern. Psyche hummed in a pleased manner as his tongue greedily wrapped itself around Tsugaru's tasting the sweet chocolate taste of their breakfast with a hint of tobacco. The two pulled away moments later, breathless and aroused. They laughed softly before their lips touched again, more demanding and rough.

"I think…" Tsugaru started with a sigh as he pulled away from Psyche, "We're going to get in trouble very soon."

"And why is that?" Psyche questioned before he leaned towards Tsugaru again, eager to continue what they had been doing, but Tsugaru pulled away, laughing when his younger lover pouted in disappointment and annoyance.

"Because if you keep kissing me like this, I won't be able to hold back," Tsugaru huskily growled against his lover's ear as his hands snaked around Psyche's waist and pulled him closer. Psyche only smiled as he felt the obvious bulge hidden beneath his partner's yukata. "We'll get arrested for public indecency."

"We better get home soon then, hmm?" Psyche practically purred as he smiled coyly at his lover. Tsugaru just nodded with agreement and the two got up to head home. However, Psyche somehow got his legs tangled as he moved up, and then he fell and scraped his knee against a sharp rock that was hidden within the grass, crying out in pain.

"Psyche!" Tsugaru quickly rushed to bend at his lover's side, inspecting his knee. His face paled slightly as he saw red soak through Psyche's white pants, quickly spreading and staining the fabric. Without thinking, he quickly ripped a part of his yukata off and bound it around Psyche's knee, picking Psyche up in his arms princess style and running as fast as he could to hail a taxi. Once they were inside the taxi, Tsugaru demanded that the driver get them to the hospital as fast as he could.

* * *

><p>"And you said you scraped your knee against a rock, is that correct?" the doctor asked as he looked up from his clipboard to a nervously pacing Tsugaru and a discomforted Psyche who fidgeted on the hospital bed.<p>

"Yes, it wasn't really anything major," Psyche murmured as his cheeks heated. Tsugaru had just overreacted, seeing all the blood.

The doctor had been shocked when Tsugaru burst through the doors, demanding that he fix Psyche immediately. The young man had scraped his knee pretty badly, but the doctor was a little worried with how much he had bled. Such a scrape shouldn't have bled out so easily. "I see," the doctor said thoughtfully, looking back at his clipboard. "Well, Psyche-san, I have finished patching you up and you should be able to go home tonight. Let me just get you some medicine to put on the scrape and some extra bandages so you can change the dirty ones tonight." He turned to Tsugaru, giving him a soft and reassuring smile, "Tsugaru-san, there is some paperwork that needs to be filled out to discharge Psyche-san, can you please go out and find Nurse Kasumi? She'll have those papers ready for you."

Tsugaru looked hesitant to leave his partner but nodded and left nonetheless. Once Tsugaru was gone, the doctor turned to Psyche with a grave look on his face. Seeing the change in expression in the doctor, Psyche suddenly felt worried and whether everything was really okay. "Is something the matter, sensei?"

The doctor looked grim as he slowly told Psyche what was on his mind, "I might just be overanalyzing this, Psyche-san…but normally a scrape like yours wouldn't bleed out so much."

"So my scrape not being normal…is that a bad thing?" Psyche asked, his eyes widening with shock and worry.

"It could be nothing," the doctor quickly said. "But I don't want to take any chances. Is it alright if I ask you to come in again? I would like to run some tests just to be on the safe side."

Psyche nodded, hoping the doctor was right and that it was just nothing. The doctor got him his medicine and extra bandages and Tsugaru returned to get him. They left the hospital in silence, Tsugaru looking relieved though protectively holding Psyche close to him as he hailed a taxi. Psyche was quiet and thoughtful. He wouldn't mention what the doctor said to Tsugaru. Most likely he would overreact and panic when it probably was nothing to worry about.

At least, Psyche hoped it wasn't anything to worry about.

* * *

><p><strong>A month later…<strong>

"I'm sorry…" Psyche started slowly as he desperately wished he had heard the doctor wrong. His heart thumped in his chest, his hands were clenched tightly and sweating, "Can you please repeat that?"

The doctor looked like he was also pained to be sharing this news with Psyche as he tiredly ran a hand through his graying, dark hair. "Although I'm not entirely sure, Psyche-san, you're showing the symptoms for Wilson's disease of the liver. I need to do a liver biopsy to be one hundred percent sure of this diagnosis, though, and I need your permission to do one."

Psyche felt his heart stop for a moment in worry, "Sensei, what is Wilson's disease?"

The doctor made a face like he had been hoping Psyche wouldn't ask this, "It's an inherited disease in which copper accumulates in the tissues. It's usually harmless if detected early and treated as soon as possible, but since you are an orphan and do not know your parents, no one bothered to check to see if you inherited the genes to develop the disease. And…" the doctor trailed off, looking reluctant to say his next words.

"And?" Psyche prompted, wishing to god that this wasn't what he thought it was.

"And if I am right, and you do have the disease, it's already progressed too far without treatment to be harmless." The doctor's expression was grim. "The disease is fatal when left untreated, and you most likely will not have long to live."

Psyche swore then he felt his heart stop as time seemed to stop with it. Suddenly the memories of him and Tsugaru entered his mind, and he realized in horror what the doctor's words meant.

He was dying. And he had lied to Tsugaru. They wouldn't be able to stay together forever.

And at that point Psyche broke down and cried.

* * *

><p>Psyche returned home with a haunted look. <em>"Do not lose hope, Psyche-san," the doctor had tried to encourage. "I will do a liver biopsy and the results may come back negative."<em> But the look on the doctor's face said he also didn't have much hope of it being negative. Psyche felt like crying again.

"Psyche?" Tsugaru peeked out from the kitchen and smiled at his lover. "Welcome back. Dinner's almost ready. I made your favorite chicken pasta."

Psyche suddenly remembered the horrible news and he felt a clenching pain in his chest. He'd leave behind Tsugaru. If he told Tsugaru what he had heard from the doctor…it would break the poor man's heart. He wouldn't be able to look at Psyche normally again without seeing death, without remembering that they had little time left together. No, Psyche decided he wouldn't tell Tsugaru about what the doctor said. He plastered a fake smile on his face, "I'm not really in the mood for pasta."

He almost ran over to his lover and threw his arms around Tsugaru's neck, bringing the taller man's face down to his to connect their lips. Psyche kissed him in a needy manner. He savored the taste of Tsugaru on his tongue as he faintly thought that this may be the last time he ever kissed the man. His kiss became more urgent as he felt Tsugaru respond to his kiss and pull him close, their tongues wrestling with each other. They pulled apart, panting and their faces flushed. Tsugaru smiled as he caressed Psyche's face, "What brought this about?"

Psyche did his best to smile back without showing that anything was wrong, "Nothing really. I just love you so much." He reached up to place his hand on Tsugaru's cheek, "Ne, Tsugaru, can we skip dinner tonight?"

Usually, Tsugaru would have protested and say that dinner was an important meal and that they could always continue after, but he saw the desire and need in Psyche's eyes and couldn't reject him. He just pulled Psyche towards him again, capturing his lips as the smaller man wrapped his legs around Tsugaru's torso and his arms around Tsugaru's neck. They kissed hurriedly and sloppily, but didn't care, as they quickly tore off each other's clothes while stumbling towards the bedroom.

The soon fell onto the bed in just their underwear, the sheets cool against their rapidly heating skin as they kissed each other senseless. Psyche could feel the aching need and desire in his lower body, but he wanted this to be different. As much as he always enjoyed sex with Tsugaru, tonight he didn't want just sex. He wanted something more, something that would show Tsugaru how much Psyche loved him. He wanted to make love with him, not just fulfill their sexual desires.

Just as he felt Tsugaru's hand reach down to his boxers, Psyche pulled away from their kiss and stopped him, "Wait." Tsugaru paused, a questioning look on his face. Psyche felt his face heat up with embarrassment, but he gathered up his courage to sit up and push Tsugaru onto his back. He slowly but surely pulled down Tsugaru's boxers, Tsugaru shifting to help Psyche easily slide them off and toss them to the ground. Psyche blushed as he laid his eyes on Tsugaru's obvious, and large, arousal feeling his own stir in anticipation. As Tsugaru questionably looked at Psyche's modestly blushing face, Psyche answered his thoughts by mumbling, "Let me do it for you tonight."

"Psyche," Tsugaru reached out towards his lover, "You don't have to do that." But Psyche shook his head as he pushed away Tsugaru's hands; he was determined to please Tsugaru tonight.

Hesitantly Psyche placed his fingers around Tsugaru's hardening cock, hearing the man's breath hitch as his aroused member twitched slightly, anticipating Psyche's movements. Psyche leaned downward, experimentally sticking his tongue out and swirling it around the pink head. Tsugaru hissed and swore something quietly, his hips unconsciously bucking towards the warmth of Psyche's mouth. Psyche smiled, finding that he liked being the one who brought pleasure to Tsugaru for once. He trailed his tongue down the hot length of Tsugaru's cock, brushing his tongue against one of Tsugaru's balls as his hand gently kneaded the other. He heard Tsugaru groan as he slowly made his way back up the head of Tsugaru's member, his tongue flashing out his mouth to tease the slit at the top. Tsugaru again made a pleased noise as his body twitched, wanting more.

Psyche smiled with triumph as he pushed himself up momentarily to take in the aroused expression on Tsugaru's face before he leaned back down, engulfing Tsugaru's engorged cock into his mouth. Tsugaru swore more loudly this time as he laced his fingers through Psyche's hair, the smaller man moaning as the sound sent vibrations down Tsugaru's member causing his body to shiver. Gently, he tugged at Psyche's hair to guide the man up and down his length, the younger man twisting his tongue around the length and coating it with his saliva. He then quickened the bobbing of his head as he hummed, the vibrations arousing Tsugaru further as he groaned and panted. Psyche felt his own arousal ache against the fabric of his boxers, but he did his best to ignore it as he focused on pleasing Tsugaru.

"Psyche," Tsugaru breathed in a ragged voice, gently tugging on his lover's hair. "Stop that…I can't…"

Psyche knew that was Tsugaru's way of saying he was reaching his peak, and Psyche thus ignored his warning, only quickening his pace. "Psyche! Stop!" Tsugaru tried to plead, but his lover only went faster, his tongue doing things that caused Tsugaru to groan as his brain became fuddled. He felt a tightening in the lower part of body and was only able to mutter his lover's name before he released with a guttural sound, the younger man swallowing as much as he could. Psyche only pulled away when he had swallowed it all, letting go to Tsugaru's cock with a pop. A smile of satisfaction graced his face as he relished in the fact he was able to get his partner off.

"Damn," Tsugaru panted as he reached out and placed his hands on Psyche's cheeks. "That was hot."

Before Psyche could respond Tsugaru had turned over and switched their positions. He placed his lips on Psyche's, slipping his tongue inside and tasting himself on Psyche as his hand reached down and pulled off Psyche's boxers, throwing them to the ground. Tsugaru's lips left Psyche's to kiss his jaw line before trailing down to Psyche's neck, stopping at the curve of his neck to his shoulder to bite down and suck, leaving a loving mark. His mouth then trailed down to Psyche's chest before settling on a pert, pink nipple, sucking as the younger man gasped beneath Tsugaru, squirming a bit.

"Tsu-Tsugaru," he moaned as the other man teasingly trailed his fingers down Psyche's stomach before grabbing a hold of his neglected erection, slowly pumping it. The younger man gasped at the sudden feel of Tsugaru's fingers around him, "Ahh…" His face flushed with arousal as his lover returned to placing butterfly kisses around his neck, sometimes leaving hickeys that always had the younger man squirming underneath his touch. "Tsugaru," he whined, feeling the need to have Tsugaru inside of him now, "Please…" he was breathless as he begged. He hardly had to say anything more, the silent question causing Tsugaru to growl in lust before he reached over to the nightstand, pulling open the drawer and fumbling around until he had a bottle of lube in his hands.

He popped open the cap, squeezing some in his hand and rubbing it to warm it up before he reached down and slid a lubricated finger inside of Psyche. The smaller man squeaked at the intrusion, squirming a bit until he adjusted to the feeling as Tsugaru pumped his finger in and out of the tight ring of muscle. Once Tsugaru was assured that Psyche was okay, he slid another finger in, doing scissoring movements to stretch him. Soon Psyche was a panting, mewling mess beneath Tsugaru, his body trembling with the desire for something much bigger to fill him. "Tsugaru," he whimpered, his pink eyes shining with lust as he stared at his lover.

Tsugaru gulped, tempted to take him then and there, "Psyche, if I don't prepare you properly, it's going to hurt."

"I don't care!" Psyche whined as he threw his arms around Tsugaru's neck, bringing the man closer to him. "Please Tsugaru," he pleaded in a breathy voice against Tsugaru's ear. "I need you."

That did it for the older man. He pulled his fingers out of Psyche—the smaller man shuddering at the sudden feeling of being empty—before he slowly pushed the head of his cock past that tight ring of muscle, watching Psyche's face carefully. The younger man flinched at the feeling of something much bigger than two fingers enter him, but he bit his lip and nodded at Tsugaru to continue, feeling the older man enter him inch by inch until he was fully sheathed inside of Psyche.

The two were panting, their faces flushed, as they stared at each other lovingly. Tsugaru bent down to place a chaste kiss on Psyche's forehead before he warned, "I'm going to start moving, okay?" The younger man just nodded, crying out when Tsugaru pulled almost all the way out before snapping his hips forward to bury himself in deep again. They steadily built up a rhythm before Tsugaru hit against something inside Psyche, causing the small, pale man to cry out in pleasure as he clawed at Tsugaru's back, white pleasure momentarily blinding him.

Knowing he had found Psyche's prostrate, Tsugaru angled himself to keep hitting that spot, Psyche turning to mush in his arms as he panted and mewled, begging for Tsugaru to move faster. He fingers clawed at Tsugaru's back, only arousing the older man more as he heeded Psyche's demands. The bed rocked with their love making as Psyche moaned Tsugaru's name over and over.

"Tsugaru," Psyche groaned as his mind felt cloudy and his body start tightening, reaching its climax. "I-I'm gonna…" He moaned again as Tsugaru thrust into him.

The older man grunted, "I know…I can't hold out much longer either."

Just then he once again hit against Psyche's sweet spot, stars exploding in the younger man's vision as he cried out with his release, coming all over his stomach. His muscles clamped down on Tsugaru who grunted once again, no longer be able to hold on as he released his hot seed inside his lover, who shuddered at the feeling. Both spent, the two panted, pulling away slowly from each other before Tsugaru wrapped his arms around Psyche and Psyche cuddled into his chest.

Psyche felt complete and satisfied, but now that lust no longer clouded his mind, the reality of his situation came crashing back down on him. He frowned, not wanting the bad news to ruin this moment. He wanted to savor these loving moments with Tsugaru. So he banished the thoughts to the back of his mind as he moved closer to Tsugaru, looking up at his lover's blue eyes that stared back down at him lovingly. "I love you, Tsugaru," Psyche murmured as he smiled softly. "I love you so much."

Tsugaru just smiled back, holding the smaller man tighter in his arms, "I know." He kissed Psyche's forehead, pulling away to softly say, "I love you too."

And Psyche just smiled, placing his head against Tsugaru's chest as he felt content. He would love Tsugaru. He would love him even with his last breath, even if Tsugaru didn't know that would be his last.

* * *

><p>Months passed and Psyche began to feel the effects of his disease. He grew more tired and soon normal tasks became difficult to do. He became clumsier, often breaking dishes and tripping over anything and everything. He bled a lot whenever he got a cut and oftentimes got confused as he began to forget how to do things. Tsugaru got worried, wondering what was wrong with him, but Psyche tried to brush it off as a joke saying that it was just old age catching up to him or that he was just lacking sleep. He felt that Tsugaru didn't believe him, but Tsugaru didn't pry.<p>

Every chance he got, he made love with Tsugaru. He knew the older man wondered what had caused this change in him, but he didn't complain or question. Tsugaru knew Psyche would tell him what was wrong if he wanted to. Psyche just tried his best to pretend that nothing was wrong and go about his normal life.

One day, Psyche was doing the dishes when his hands began to tremble and the dish fell from his hands, shattering against the tile floor. "Psyche! Are you okay?" Tsugaru burst into the kitchen to see Psyche looking sadly at the broken dish, clenching his hands as tightly as he could as they shook slightly.

"It's nothing, I just was a bit clumsy again," Psyche murmured as he reached down to pick up the glass shards, but his uncontrollable shaking hands couldn't grip them. Tsugaru bent downward, grabbing Psyche's hands.

He looked serious as he tried to meet Psyche's eyes, but Psyche kept turning away from him. "What's wrong, Psyche? What are you hiding from me?"

"It's nothing, Tsugaru, I swear," Psyche muttered softly, trying to pull his hands away.

"You're lying," Tsugaru frowned as his brows knitted together in confusion and slight anger over the fact that Psyche couldn't trust him to tell him what was wrong.

"No, I'm not," Psyche argued, pulling at his hands more harshly now.

"Psyche," Tsugaru's tone was warning and low this time.

"Let go of me, Tsugaru!" Psyche screamed this time, pulling at his hands with as much energy as he could muster. "I said it's no—"

Suddenly Psyche became limp and fell, tremors racking his body as he shook uncontrollably. Spittle started to fall from his mouth as his eyeballs lolled to the back of his head, his body shaking more now. Tsugaru quickly panicked and ran towards the phone, dialing the emergency number, a voice answering on the other line, "What's your emer—"

"I need an ambulance now! He's going into a seizure!" was all Tsugaru could say as his eyes worriedly trailed back to his lover.

"An ambulance is on its way now, sir."

"Hurry!" Tsugaru pleaded, holding his lover in his arms and not sure of what to do.

* * *

><p>Tsugaru paced worriedly outside of the operation room, his eyes glancing from the ground to the doors back to the ground again. It felt like it had been hours since he had seen Psyche hurriedly wheeled past the doors. Just as Tsugaru felt he was going to go crazy with all the waiting, the doors swung open and Psyche's doctor stepped out with a grimace on his face. Tsugaru didn't like that look.<p>

"What's wrong? Is Psyche okay?" Tsugaru questioned, wishing with all his heart that the bad feeling churning in the pit of his stomach right now was wrong.

The sad look in the doctor's eyes didn't help alleviate the feeling, "I'm afraid that Psyche-san has gone into a coma. We're not sure of when he'll wake up, if he even does."

Suddenly the world stopped spinning to Tsugaru as he stared at the doctor, horror and shock evident on his face, "Coma…? But…" Tsugaru couldn't even find the words to describe how confused and distraught he felt. Everything that had been colorful and rosy suddenly turned dark and dreary. Psyche…his Psyche…why? Why had this happened to them of all people? What had they done to deserve this?

"Tsugaru-san," the doctor started slowly as he considered his words carefully. "From the look on your face, I'm going to assume Psyche-san never told you he had Wilson's disease of the liver."

"What?" Tsugaru blinked, almost not hearing the doctor's words. "Wilson's disease?"

The doctor nodded, "It's a disease that one inherits from the parents. The disease causes copper to accumulate in the tissues. It's mostly harmless as long as it's detected early and treated accordingly. But if left undetected and thus untreated, it's very fatal. Usually, one knows if they have Wilson's disease when both their parents are known to have the genes. But—"

"Because Psyche is an orphan and doesn't know his parents, no one knew he had the gene," Tsugaru finished for the doctor, the pieces starting to fall into place.

The doctor nodded, "That day you and Psyche-san came in for the scrape, I felt suspicious and had Psyche-san come in for more tests. I did a liver biopsy and found out he did have Wilson's disease. It was too late to begin treatment as it wouldn't have done much for him. The only option he really had was a liver transplant."

Suddenly a spark of hope entered Tsugaru's eyes, "Why didn't he have the liver transplant then?"

"Tsugaru-san, in order for a liver transplant to be a success, the donor has to be a match Psyche-san," the doctor told him.

"Can't I donate mine?" Tsugaru questioned rather angrily.

"I'm sorry, Tsugaru-san," the doctor looked saddened to tell him this. "But as your liver is a vital organ to your body and you're still living, we'd only be able to donate part of your liver which would hardly help Psyche-san at this point. And I've also already checked and you're not a match to Psyche-san."

"But there are other donors, right?" Tsugaru demanded, his hand tightly gripping the shoulder of the doctor. "Others that could match Psyche?"

The doctor winced at Tsugaru's tight grip, "Yes, but there's a long waiting list for liver donations. Of course, given Psyche-san's position as being susceptible to immediate death without a new liver, he'll most likely be bumped to the top of the list, but even if a match was found, he's in no condition to be operated on."

"So you're telling me you can't do anything!" Tsugaru didn't bother to keep his voice lowered as he glared angrily at the doctor. People looked at them with concerned expressions as the doctor looked pained at the grip on his shoulder that had tightened.

"Tsugaru-san! Please calm yourself!" the doctor warned as nurses rushed to his aid to try and pull the angry blonde away.

"Why can't you operate on him!" Tsugaru demanded as he struggled against the nurses.

"Because he's in a coma!" the doctor shot back. "If we operate on him now, we'll only up his chances of dying in the middle of the operation! I'm sorry! There's nothing more we can do!"

His words hit Tsugaru hard, and the man stopped struggling as he stared sadly at the doctor, the hope long gone from his eyes. The doctor suddenly felt sorry for the man, "I'm sorry."

And with those words, Tsugaru fell to his knees, not bothering to hide the tears that fell down his face as he sadly cried out his lover's name. No one dared approach him although everyone who had heard pitied the man greatly.

* * *

><p><strong>A week later…<strong>

Tsugaru hardly left Psyche's side, sometimes sleeping at the hospital. He wasn't supposed to, but the nurses felt too sorry for him to tell him to leave. Tsugaru just sat by Psyche's side, holding Psyche's hand in his as he stared at the face of his lover, sometimes expecting him to just open his eyes and smile as he laughed, "Just joking!"

But it wasn't a joke, and Psyche remained asleep.

"Psyche," Tsugaru said softly as he rubbed his thumb against Psyche's hand, as if to urge him to wake up. "Psyche, I'm waiting for you." He tried to laugh though the sound came out bitterly. "How long are you going to keep me waiting for you?"

His eyes were sad as he looked at his lover, who only appeared to be sleeping peacefully, as the constant beeping of the heart rate machine filled the silence. "You said we'd stay together forever," Tsugaru murmured, feeling the tears pricking at the corner of his eyes. "You said my wish would come true."

He folded his hands together as if to pray as he placed his forehead against the fist they formed. "Don't you want my wish to come true?" The tears fell silently down his face as his voice cracked slightly at the end. He didn't get an answer.

Suddenly there was a high pitched screech as the various machines connected to Psyche beeped loudly. Tsugaru, panicked, looked up and around, unsure of what was going on. The doctor burst into the room with various nurses as they quickly rushed Psyche to the operating room. Tsugaru followed.

"What's going on?" he asked his voice scared and loud. The doctor turned to him, a sad frown on his face.

"I'm afraid his condition worsened, and now he has cerebral edema." At the confused and frightened look on Tsugaru's face he explained further. "That means too much liquid in accumulating in his head and if we don't relieve that pressure soon, Psyche-san won't live."

Tsugaru could only stare with horror as he stopped in front of the operating doors, watching them wheel Psyche into the room and disappear. He had a bad feeling again.

And when Tsugaru saw the doctor come out of the operating room a couple hours later, a sad look on his face, the doctor didn't even need to say anything for Tsugaru to know what had happened. He cried once again in the hospital, in front of those operating room doors, knowing his lover was now dead and believing it was his fault.

* * *

><p><strong>Present Time<strong>

Shizuo didn't know how he looked as Psyche finished telling him his story, but he was sure he was shocked and pained for his new friend.

Psyche tried to keep a smile on his face, though it was sad, "Tsugaru blames himself for my death. He thinks that if he had paid attention more, he would have seen the signs and gotten me treatment before it was too late. He thinks that if he hadn't kept quiet about my weird behavior, he could have saved me." Psyche looked up, his eyes meeting the white nothingness of the place they were stuck in. "But it's not his fault. Even if he had done those things, it was too late to save me."

"And you tried to get Tsugaru to move on by convincing him to become my replacement for Izaya, didn't you?" Shizuo asked, starting to understand everything.

Psyche nodded and smiled apologetically at Shizuo, "Yes, I was the one who led Shiki and Akabayashi to find him that night, and I was the one who told him that this is exactly what he wanted. That this was his second chance. I wanted him to forget me and forget the guilt over my death. I wanted him to be happy and find someone else to help him." His smile fell from his face as he turned to Shizuo. "Do you think I did the right thing?"

Shizuo blinked, surprised Psyche had asked him such a question. He then looked thoughtful, turning up to stare at the white space around them, "I don't agree with what you did, but I can see why you did it." His hazel eyes turned to Psyche's pink ones, understanding in them. "For you, making Tsugaru forget was the only solution you could think of to make him happy, wasn't it? You just wanted what's best for your lover, and I can understand that." Shizuo turned back to the white nothingness. "I just want what's best for Izaya too."

He really wished he had a cigarette right now as he continued, "Maybe I should even take after you and let Izaya move on." He turned to Psyche, a sad smile on his face, "Perhaps Izaya should forget about me too."

* * *

><p><strong>Dundundun! Cliffhanger! Ah, I'm sorry; I just thought ending like that would be perfect. :) So will Shizuo make Izaya move on and forget him or no? You'll just have to wait and see…*laughs evilly*<strong>

**So now you know Tsugaru's and Psyche's past! Next is Izaya's and Shizuo's! I hope theirs will be just as long. Wow, this is practically 12 pages and twice as long as my other chapters.**

**I hope I was able to convey the sad emotions effectively in this chapter. BTW, I listened to "Cosmic Love" by Florence and The Machine on repeat while writing this chapter; that song definitely inspired a lot of what happens here.**

**Thank you for reading and reviewing as always guys! Love you!**

**-Xaleria**


	8. Chapter 8

**I'm so glad everyone was able to feel the emotions of Tsugaru and Psyche's story! I hope you guys also enjoy Shizuo and Izaya's! Many thanks to my lovely, wonderful reviewers, those who alerted this story, and those who added it to faves!**

**WARNING: **The rating for this story _HAS CHANGED_ to **M**. There will be _LEMON_ in this chapter. **You have been warned.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Durarara or any of its characters.**

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><p>Shizuo and Psyche sat in the silence of the white space around them as they both pondered over Shizuo's words. Psyche wondered if Shizuo really was ready to accept Izaya moving on without him, because he had thought Tsugaru could move on without him but that had proved to be a failure. He wasn't sure whether it could work with Shizuo and Izaya either.<p>

"What about you, Shizuo-san?" Psyche asked, breaking the silence. He turned to the other spirit with a curious look on his face, "What happened with you and Izaya?"

Shizuo seemed a little surprised that Psyche was asking him, but he guessed it was fair enough since he had asked Psyche what had happened with him and Tsugaru. And it wasn't like either of them had anything else to do, being stuck in this white, empty place they had found themselves in.

Leaning his arms back and looking up with thought, Shizuo wondered where to begin his story before the words came out of his mouth, "Well, Izaya and I had met back in high school, but we hadn't started our relationship yet. We actually hated each other's guts when we first met each other." Shizuo chuckled as he reminisced about those days he would chase the flea all around Ikebukuro. "I'm not really sure when and how, but one day I just started to see Izaya in another light. I guess I'm the one that fell in love with him first, and for some crazy reason I just decided to confess and see what would happen. I thought he'd laugh and reject me, but surprisingly he accepted, and even more he fell in love with me too. I guess that's when our relationship started…"

* * *

><p><strong>A few months ago…<strong>

Izaya sighed tiredly as he sent off an email response to a new client, saying that they would meet the next day around 6:00 pm at nondescript place in Ikebukuro. He was kind of getting tired of his job, the humans he met recently bringing no interesting or amusing things to the table. There were no more games to play as the players grew up and started to drift away. Celty had given up on looking for her head and Shinra, pleased with her decision, had demanded that Izaya return the head to him. Izaya hadn't wanted to at first, but Shizuo had found a way to convince him. Once Shinra had possession of the head he had hid it away where Celty would never find it. The Yellow Scarves had been long since disbanded, and Kida Masaomi had quit his job with Izaya and decided to just travel the world with Saki. Even Ryuugamine Mikado, founder of Dollars, had converted his gang into a business, hiring some trusted members and discharging those who were not. Sonohara Anri, or Saika, had decided to go to college abroad so she wasn't around to mess with anymore either.

Everyone that had made Ikebukuro the ultimate playground for Orihara Izaya had disappeared, and the town was starting to lose its appeal. _Maybe I should quit being an informant,_ Izaya thought as he turned in his chair and looked out the window behind his desk, looking down at the small, dully colored humans below. _Or maybe I should move to someplace more interesting. _

"You done with work yet, flea? I'm getting bored waiting for you," a familiar voice drawled out.

Izaya just smiled as he turned to face his boyfriend that sat on his couch, leaning his head back so he looked at Izaya upside down. "My, my, so impatient, Shizu-chan~! Did you really miss me that much?" He laughed mockingly only causing the ex-bartender to growl in annoyance.

"Stupid flea, I'm just getting hungry," Shizuo muttered.

"Always thinking with every other organ except your brain, Shizu-chan," Izaya teased but nonetheless got up to prepare something to eat. "Even though we haven't seen each other for almost over two weeks, the one day you finally have off from work to come visit me and the first thing you say is that you're hungry for food."

"Silly flea," Shizuo said as he grabbed Izaya's hand and pulled the smaller man towards him, wrapping his other arm around his lover's lithe waist. The smile on his face was playful and his voice was low as he breathed into Izaya's ear, "I didn't say I was hungry for food."

Izaya shivered as Shizuo's tongue flashed out of his mouth to lick the inside of Izaya's ear before it trailed down the side of his face to his jaw line. The smaller man grasped Shizuo's vest in his hands as he tilted his head slightly in response to his lover's advance. The corners of Shizuo's mouth upturned into a smirk as his tongue continued its trail down Izaya's neck, his teeth joining by gently scraping against the pale skin. A gasp left Izaya's lips as he squirmed slightly, his pants starting to feel uncomfortably restricting. But he disliked being at Shizuo's mercy all the time and decided that two could play at this game. He smirked too as he leaned forward, grinding himself against Shizuo, satisfied when he heard the tall, blonde man growl in arousal as his erection pressed against Izaya's knee. Izaya began to nibble on the soft lobe of Shizuo's ear, hearing the man's breath hitch as the hands that had been roaming Izaya's body faltered slightly. Izaya hummed in triumph.

However, his victory was short lived when Shizuo's hands started to move again, one slipping up Izaya's shirt as the other loosened the belt around Izaya's waist and undid the button and zipper of his pants to slip down the front. "Ah, Shi-Shizu-chan!" Izaya cried out in surprise, shivering as he felt one of Shizuo's hands tweak one of his nipples until it hardened while the other rubbed against the fabric of his boxers, creating friction against Izaya's member. Izaya moaned, hiding his embarrassed and lustful face by burying it against Shizuo's shoulder, feeling the crisp fabric of his vest.

Shizuo always knew how to make Izaya putty in his hands by touching him in all the right places. _If he doesn't stop what he was doing with his hands_, Izaya thought as his moan was stifled by his mouth pressing against Shizuo's shoulder, _I don't know if I can hold out much longer._ Damn, he hated being away from his Shizu-chan too long. He always ended up missing him, and his body craved his touches way too much that he was always more sensitive when Shizuo finally returned and touched him. Two weeks was just too long without his Shizu-chan.

But Izaya wanted this to happen his way, as he always liked being the one who was messing around with the other. He quickly pushed Shizuo away from him—half of Izaya almost protesting at losing the pleasuring touches—and Shizuo looked miffed that Izaya had stopped him. "Nu-uh, Shizu-chan," he taunted with a cattish smile on his face as he waggled his finger at the blonde. Izaya got up and off the couch. "I think I like to keep you waiting." He smirked, swaying his hips in a seductive way as he sashayed to the bathroom, leaving a frustrated and aroused Shizuo behind.

Once inside the bathroom, the door locked and shut behind him, Izaya let out a breath, trying to calm the beating heart in his chest. It was becoming increasingly more difficult to maintain his usual calm façade around the debt collector as he always found some way to catch Izaya unguarded. Izaya just mumbled incoherent stuff about stupid, sexy bartenders as he turned the water on to fill his tub while he began to undress. Fully naked and the tub filled, Izaya submerged himself in the hot water, basking in the calming effect of the jasmine bath oil he had used to scent the bathwater. Suddenly his alone time was invaded when the doorknob to the bathroom snapped and fell, the door easily sliding open and revealing a slightly pissed off Shizuo. "Damn flea! You were actually going to make me wait?"

"Sh-Shi-Shizu-chan!" Izaya stuttered out of panic, quickly rushing to cover his bare body with his hands in embarrassment as he did his best to glare, "Don't you knock?"

But Shizuo didn't answer him. He just took one look at Izaya, naked and dripping wet in the tub, his skin pink from the hot water, and his eyes glancing nervously and lustfully at Shizuo. Heiwajima Shizuo was never a patient man.

"Why are you undressing!" Izaya demanded as his face became red upon seeing his boyfriend shed his vest and shirt as quickly as possible before removing his pants and other clothing articles. "You couldn't possibly be thinking of joining me in here, are you?"

"Your bathtub is big enough for two," Shizuo muttered, not waiting for his lover to move over and just moving to slide into the tub, the water sloshing back and forth with some spilling over the edge with the extra body. Shizuo pulled Izaya onto his lap and the informant tried hard to retain his angry face although the red coloring on his face was more from feeling Shizuo's arousal against his backside than from anger. He felt his own cock twitch awake as the water suddenly felt hotter with Shizuo's skin pressing against his. He tried his best to ignore it, however, not wanting to show Shizuo he was desperate for him; although said blonde was making it really difficult as Izaya felt one of Shizuo's hands slowly travel down his stomach until it curled around his hardened member, teasing it with light touches. Izaya shuddered as he felt cool lips touch the back of his neck before Shizuo's tongue snaked out and licked the water dripping there, a soft moan escaping his lips.

Shizuo smirked as he continued his teasing, always touching Izaya to the point of where the smaller man was panting with desire and need but not enough to actually satisfy him. He would gently pump Izaya's cock, the smaller man mewling as his body trembled, but then Shizuo would stop and bring his fingers up to tauntingly play against Izaya's stomach, to which the raven would growl in annoyance, "Shizu-chan, more." Then his hand would be on Izaya's member again, slowly pumping which frustrated the raven.

Shizuo's mouth paid close attention to Izaya's other sensitive spots as well, kissing the back of his neck and his ear. He would also lean more towards Izaya as he would suck and nibble on the soft part of his ear, sometimes reaching up to gently bite the top of his ear earning a squeak out of his younger lover. Izaya was now trembling so much that the water splashed about, his hands gripping the edges of the bathtub as he tried so hard to thrust himself into Shizuo's hands and reach his release, but the blonde denied him such.

"Shizu-chan," he whined as he turned his head as best as he could to see the blonde. But Shizuo only used that to his advantage, pushing his face towards Izaya's so that their lips touched before he forced his tongue into Izaya's mouth, tasting the younger man as Izaya's tongue wrestled with his. "Mmm…" Izaya moaned against Shizuo's mouth as he tried to turn his head further to get more, but his lover pulled away, smirking when he saw the irritated frown marring Izaya's face. "Shizu-chan, you're such a fucking tease."

"This is payback," Shizuo chuckled as he tugged a little harder on Izaya's cock, causing the raven to cry out and shudder from the almost release. "I think I like to keep you waiting, Izaya-kun~."

Izaya hated the fact that Shizuo used his own words against him now. "Shizu-chan!" he tried to say angrily this time although it came out more like a whimper as Shizuo had started to pump faster only to slow down once again when Izaya was close to climaxing. Damn, he really hated how much Shizuo knew about his body. "Shizu-chan," he tried a different tactic this time as he reached back, grabbed Shizuo's hair, and pulled the blonde towards his upturned face, kissing him fiercely. When they pulled away, both breathless, all Izaya did was murmur, "Please?"

How could Shizuo say no to that? He growled, pushing his lips back down on the raven's who moaned in appreciation as Shizuo finally pumped his cock fast, the water making splashing sounds with the movements. Izaya felt his lower body tighten as his lover moved faster, his climax approaching. "Shizuo," he groaned as he gripped the edges of the tub, his body trembling more uncontrollably now as Shizuo moved and bit down on his neck, sucking and leaving a love bite. His fist pumped one more time, sending Izaya over the edge as he cried out, releasing as his body shook with tremors.

Once spent, he collapsed against Shizuo panting, the water around them turning murky as milky white bits floated in the water. Izaya's eyes were still somewhat clouded with the euphoria of pleasure as Shizuo moved up and grabbed Izaya, pulling them both out of the tub, water falling from their bodies. Shizuo pulled the plug inside the tub, the water draining, as he threw Izaya onto his shoulder and headed towards the bedroom.

"Omph!" Izaya landed on the bed, water dripping onto the sheets, as Shizuo balanced himself on his hands and knees above him. The blonde's eyes were filled with lust as he stared at the pale, naked, and still dripping wet body of his lover. Izaya didn't even have time to speak before his boyfriend kissed him ravenously, their tongues dancing with one another as the blonde's hands roamed down Izaya's body, tweaking his stiff, pink nipples before his mouth moved onto one of them, sucking and licking as he swirled his tongue around the nub, earning aroused mewls out of the smaller man beneath him. Shizuo broke contact only momentarily for his hands to fumble in the nightstand drawer to grab the lube.

He squeezed a generous amount on his hands, rubbing it to warm it, as he went back to kiss Izaya's neck, nipping and sucking to leave possessive marks. "Ngh…Shizu-chan," Izaya moaned as his lover teasingly drew circles around his puckered entrance before sliding a finger in. Izaya gasped at the intrusion before he moaned, loving the feeling as Shizuo pumped his finger in and out, adding a second a few moments later. He slid his fingers in and out before he started to stretch them apart, stretching open the tight ring of muscle to make room for him. He then added a third, returning to pumping his fingers as his lover squirmed beneath him, panting, although his eyes shone with anticipation and lust.

Finally, Shizuo removed his fingers and lined up the head of his cock to Izaya's entrance before slowly pushing in, Izaya throwing back his head in a silent scream as his fingernails scratched against Shizuo's back. Shizuo grunted at the painful feeling on his back though it only aroused him more as he slowly slid himself into Izaya inch by inch until fully sheathed in the warmth of his lover's ass. The two panted, their lips meeting again with hurried sloppy kisses before Shizuo began to move, starting with slow thrusts. However, his pace began to quicken as Izaya responded to his movement, moving his hips to meet Shizuo's thrusts. Izaya wrapped his arms around Shizuo's neck, panting and moaning in his ear only turning the blonde on more as he groaned, quickening his pace. He soon found that pleasurable bundle of nerves inside Izaya when the raven cried out, his eyes almost tearing as he swore, "Fuck…do that again."

Shizuo obeyed, angling himself to hit that spot again as his lover mewled happily, tightening his grip on Shizuo's neck while Shizuo reached down and began to pump Izaya's cock, his fist matching his thrusts. The two rocked together as both of them moaned each other's names, touched each other with greedy hands, and kissed with ferocity. Izaya was soon a writhing mess beneath Shizuo, the sheets clutched tightly in his hands as the only way to stay tethered to reality while his mind was clouded with the ecstasy of Shizuo's touch on him. Blinded by a white wave of pleasure, Izaya cried out, his body shaking as he came all over his stomach. Seeing Izaya's face as he came did it for Shizuo who grunted as he released deep inside Izaya, the smaller man shuddering at the feeling of being filled. The two broke apart and collapsed on the bed panting, sticky with semen and sweat as the wet sheets clung to their skin.

Shizuo then rolled over to his side to grab his lover and nestle him close to his chest, sighing as he buried his face in Izaya's raven hair. "Missed you, flea," Shizuo's voice was so soft Izaya almost missed what he said, but a smile broke out across his face at the words.

Izaya chuckled, turning his heads upwards to quickly peck Shizuo in a teasing manner, "I missed you too, my stupid protozoan~!" He moved his head upwards again to kiss Shizuo, though this time more intensely. The blonde growled against his lover's lips before pushing the raven onto his back and pulling himself on top of Izaya again, ready to show just how much he had missed his dear boyfriend again.

* * *

><p>"<em>Nani mo kawatte nai keredo<em>_, __Tonari ni ima wa tada__, __Tada kimi ga inaidake~_"(1)

"Ugh," Izaya groaned as he reached for the nightstand, feeling around for his cell phone as his ringtone played out. He flipped it open and glared at the screen, seeing that it was four in the afternoon. His appointment with his new client was a couple hours away, but he had to prepare all the paperwork for it and set aside time for his trip to Ikebukuro.

Sighing Izaya rolled out of bed and headed towards the bathroom, still somewhat sleepy as he and Shizuo didn't fall asleep until well past dawn. He took a quick shower and dressed, hearing Shizuo stir awake in his bedroom as he did so. "Good morning, Shizu-chan," Izaya greeted with a coy smile on his face as he leaned in his bathroom doorway, gladly taking in the sight of half naked, half asleep Shizuo as the blonde yawned and stretched.

"Mornin' flea," Shizuo mumbled as he ambled out of bed and walked towards the bathroom to wash his face, ruffling Izaya's hair affectionately as he passed by. "You have work?" he questioned while he splashed water in his face, turning to his boyfriend as one hand fumbled for the towel hanging on a rack. He noticed Izaya wore his fluffy coat, which he only wore if he was going out.

Izaya nodded, "Just an appointment with a new client and that's all I have for today. You and I can probably go out to dinner afterwards." A sly smile entered his face as he flirtatiously suggested, "Unless you wanted to just stay home instead?"

Shizuo hid his own smile behind the towel he was using to dry his face as his voice was muffled when he spoke, "Staying home once in a while isn't so bad."

"Hmm," Izaya mused with a small smile before he laughed and waved goodbye to his boyfriend. "Then I guess I'll try to get home soon. Ittekimasu~"

"Itterashai," Shizuo mumbled in response as Izaya left the bathroom, gathered up the materials he needed and headed out of his apartment to make his way to Ikebukuro.

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><p>Shizuo sighed as he flipped through the channels on the TV, not really interested in watching and more trying to find something to occupy his time while he waited for Izaya to return. He finally gave up on watching TV after flipping through over a hundred channels and just turned it off, sitting in silence. "Agh," he groaned as he leaned his head back on the couch, glaring up at the ceiling. If he ever found out who Izaya's new client was, he'd kill him for taking up the time that he and Izaya should have been spending together on his day off.<p>

_Kill, kill, kill, kill, kill, kill, kill…_he thought as his face scrunched up with growing fury. However, his phone ringing interrupted his chant and not bothering to look at the caller ID he flipped it open and answered rather angrily, "Hello?"

"_Hello, Heiwajima Shizuo,_" a voice laughed on the other end and immediately Shizuo narrowed his eyes suspiciously. He didn't recognize this man's voice, and very few people had his number. "_You don't sound very happy right now._"

"Who is this?" Shizuo demanded, sitting up straighter when the man on the other end laughed again.

"_Nuh-uh, Heiwajima-san, that's not how this game of mine goes_," Shizuo was sure if he could see the other man, he would be smirking. It pissed him off.

"What the hell do you want?" Shizuo snarled, growing increasingly more pissed off when the man laughed again. What the hell did he find so funny?

"_What I want is simple, Heiwajima-san,_" the man coolly said. "_I want Orihara Izaya to suffer._"

Shizuo froze, his eyes widening as his hand tightened on the phone, but not too much considering he didn't want to break it and lose his only connection to this mysterious man who dared to make him angry. "What the fuck do you mean?"

"_You might want to take note of this location, Heiwajima-san._" Shizuo heard the man rattle off an address on a street he knew in Ikebukuro, and just as Shizuo was about to say something else he heard shuffling and muffled voices on the other line, one of them definitely mentioning Izaya's name. "_I'm sorry, but I have to go now. I have an appointment with a famous information broker and—_"

But before the man could say anything else, the phone had already been shut and Shizuo was already running out the door.

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><p>Izaya inwardly frowned as his eyes glanced towards the two burly men standing behind him. He had arrived at the appointed location with a little worry, seeing that it was a pretty abandoned building and that two guards had greeted him saying they would lead him to his new client. He hadn't heard there would be bodyguards, and he was quite displeased not knowing this tidbit of information, though he shook it off as he thought that his client must either be pretty paranoid or someone involved in some dangerous shit.<p>

He was led into an empty parking lot structure where he spotted a man in a black coat with a large hood that covered most of his face leaning against the back of a car. Two more guards stood on his right and left. Izaya stopped a few feet in front of the hooded guy, guessing he was his new client. He didn't like the fact that he wore a hood and hid himself but didn't say anything. Lots of his clients liked to keep their real identities private, though he usually figured out who they were later on.

The man in the hood appeared to have been talking on the phone as he pulled a black cell phone away from his head, frowning as he shut it close. However, the frown soon disappeared as he greeted Izaya with a smile, "Ah, so you are the infamous Orihara Izaya. I'm Yamada Taro(2). Pleasure to meet you." The man didn't offer his hand to shake and Izaya didn't bother to do so either. Although he smiled all businesslike at the guy, he couldn't help but notice the obviously fake name, but again he shrugged it off.

"Nice to meet you, too," Izaya replied accordingly as he held up a file in his hands and waved it around. "This is the information you asked for. Where's my payment?"

"In due time, Orihara-san," the man smiled as he pressed his fingers together, leaning more towards Izaya. "First, I'd like to ask you a couple questions."

Izaya remained on high alert as he narrowed his eyes slightly at the man. All of this felt too wrong, and he probably should back out, but having the four guards did put a damper on getting away easily. Sure, he had his flickblade and was a master of parkour, but it had been years since he had really put those skills to use since he and Shizuo had stopped fighting. He had to admit that he was probably a little rusty that four guards would take a bit more effort than usual. He supposed fighting his way out would be a last resort as he could just indulge his client and get this over with. "Alright, what do you want to know?"

"You claim to love all humans, correct?" Yamada asked.

"I do," Izaya answered, deciding that keeping his answers as short and vague as possible was probably the best way to go. It didn't seem like Yamada minded.

"And as someone who loves all humans, would you say it was impossible for you to favor one over the others?"

Izaya had a bad feeling growing inside of him, "My love is equally shared by all humans."

"So you do not love one human above the rest?" Izaya was sure he didn't like what this man was going at. Perhaps he should just fight his way out after all…"There isn't anyone you hold special Orihara Izaya?" Izaya didn't answer this time as well, but Yamada just smiled, "Tell me, Orihara-san, do you know what love is?"

Izaya was silent, unsure of whether he should answer the man's questions or get the heck out of there. He was beginning to dislike the strangeness of the situation. Most clients just wanted their information and that was it. Yamada had asked Izaya to look something up for him, but now Izaya was thinking that was just a pretense in order to meet him face to face. So what did Yamada really want?

"Love between two humans is very special, Orihara-san," Yamada continued as he waved his hands around with flourish. "But I suppose someone as inhumane as you wouldn't understand that."

Izaya was now glaring at the man, reaching into his pocket for his flickblade…

"Uh-uh-uh!" Suddenly the black barrel of a gun was staring at Izaya right in his face as Yamada pointed it at him. "That's not how this game goes, Orihara-san. I suggest you take your hand out of your pocket—and it better NOT have a weapon in it—or else I'll blow your head off your shoulders."

Izaya slowly did as he said, figuring that although he may be able to take Yamada out by throwing one of his knives at Yamada's forehead, he'd have the four guards, and probably more that were hidden if Yamada was smart, to worry about. Yamada smirked wickedly as he pulled back the hood from his face to reveal a middle-aged man with slicked back black hair, grays already showing, and a face full of wrinkles of anger and sorrow. Izaya then recognized him as Kagawa Takashi and cursed inwardly. Kagawa had been involved in the drug dealing business and had been trying to poach on Shiki's turf. Of course, Shiki couldn't take that sitting down and ordered Izaya to find dirt on the man. Izaya found enough to send the man to prison for life. However, Kagawa had fled the city and the police had never caught him, although his story was spread all over the news. Kagawa's wife and daughter, who had no idea about Kagawa's true illegal business, had committed suicide out of shame. Izaya figured Kagawa was out to get revenge on him now. He cursed again for not listening to his instincts.

"It's nice to see you again, Orihara-san. It's been over a year, hasn't it?" Kagawa's tone was mocking and venomous.

"It sure has," Izaya murmured, trying to keep his cool façade on as he smirked cattishly at the man. "Sorry to hear about your wife and kid."

Kagawa frowned as his grip on the gun tightened. He hissed at Izaya, "It's your fault they're gone now."

"I wasn't the one who hid my illegal business from them and shamed them into killing themselves when the truth was revealed," Izaya pointed out as he crossed his arms over his chest, smirking when he saw Kagawa become angrier. As long as he distracted Kagawa enough, he could probably take out his flickblade and take down the two guards behind him and as long as he acted quickly enough, he could take out Kagawa and the two other guards and be on his merry way before any other guards appeared.

But Kagawa's expression suddenly changed as his scowl became a smirk, like he knew something that Izaya didn't. Izaya didn't like that look as his eyes narrowed, and he glanced around quickly, suddenly expecting more men to pop out of nowhere with guns pointed at him. Kagawa laughed and Izaya returned to glaring at him, "A little jumpy, Orihara-san? You know, you never answered my question." The look in Kagawa's eyes sent shivers down Izaya's spine, though he wouldn't admit that aloud. There was something truly evil in that man's eyes. "There isn't anyone you hold special, Orihara-san?"

The bad feeling Izaya had earlier worsened as Kagawa continued, "You see, when my wife and daughter died, I wanted you to feel the same pain I felt, Orihara-san. I wanted to see you squirm and suffer just like I have. So I wondered how you would act if I took your most special person away from you, too."

Izaya felt his heart race as the panic within him spiked, _He wouldn't dare…would he? No, Shizu-chan should be okay. After all, he has that inhuman strength of his. He's practically a monster…_

"IZAYA!" Suddenly it felt like time slowed down as Izaya's eyes widened, his heard turning as he stared in horror at Shizuo standing there a few feet away from him, panting. The fortissimo of Ikebukuro was glaring at the scene as he saw his lover being held at gunpoint and was about to move to kill the man who dared do that. But Izaya saw something different. He saw a man suddenly appear behind Shizuo, a gun pointed straight at Shizuo's chest where his heart was. Shizuo hardly had time to react before the trigger was pulled and a resounding bang filled the parking lot structure.

"SHIZUO!" Izaya didn't even notice when Kagawa and his men got into the car and drove away. All he could think about was the look on Shizuo's face. His eyes had widened with the sudden pain as his hand flew up to chest on reflex, the blood staining his fingers. He had looked up for a brief moment and Izaya was shocked to see relief in his eyes. Relief that the one who had been shot was him instead of Izaya. And then he had fallen forward, no longer moving, no longer breathing.

Suddenly Izaya was reminded of the fight between the Dollars and Yellow Scarves that he had started. During that event, his henchman—who had truly been Saika's child—had stolen away a gun for Izaya that the Awakusu-kai had wanted. It had also been the same gun that Horada had used to shoot Shizuo. Izaya remembered he had told the henchman that if Horada had shot Shizuo in the head or heart instead, he would've died.

Because no matter how much Izaya called him monster, in the end Shizuo was just a human.

* * *

><p>Shizuo's head was in his lap as Izaya brushed his fingers through Shizuo's blonde hair. Red stained everything. It stained the ground, Shizuo's shirt, and Izaya's clothes and hands. An open cell phone sat next to them as Izaya softly looked down at Shizuo's face.<p>

That was scene that Kishitani Shinra and Celty Sturluson were greeted by when they finally got to the location that Izaya had demanded they come to. Izaya looked up to see them and he smiled, though it wasn't a genuine smile. It was forced and slightly crazy as he went back to Shizuo, "Ah, Shizu-chan, Shinra is here to patch you up. You have to wake up now."

But Shinra knew Shizuo wouldn't wake up, and he knew that Izaya knew this as well despite the fact that he tried to ignore it.

No one could say anything as Izaya tried over and over to wake Shizuo up. He so absorbed in trying so much that he didn't notice when the tears started to fall down his face and onto Shizuo's. He still demanded that Shizuo wake up even when Shinra and Celty finally pulled him away from Shizuo's cold body. His mouth kept repeating the words, "Wake up, Shizu-chan. This isn't funny anymore, you have to wake up now" over and over even when Kadota and his gang had arrived, shocked and unsure of what else to be by the scene. Shinra asked Kadota to bring Izaya back home while they took care of Shizuo's body.

And as Kadota helped Izaya into Togusa's van and they headed to his apartment, Izaya still kept telling Shizuo to wake up.

Because Shizuo was a monster wasn't he? He couldn't be killed. Many have tried to kill him so many times before, and they had all failed. It was impossible for Shizuo to be dead this time as well.

And he kept denying Shizuo's death. He waited each day for Shizuo to return home, to his side. Until the day Shinra burst into his home and demanded he get ready. Today was the day they were going to bury Shizuo. He hardly had any energy as Shinra practically had to help him get showered and dressed into a black suit.

Shinra then had Kadota come and pick Izaya up and take him to the funeral home. They arrived and once Izaya saw his body in the casket, like he wasn't dead and just merely sleeping, that's when he could no longer deny it.

Shizuo was gone. And it was his fault.

* * *

><p><strong>Present Time<strong>

"Even though I told him it wasn't his fault, I know he still thinks that way," Shizuo sighed as he lay down, crossing his arms behind his head. "Sometimes he's just so stubborn."

"So Izaya is just like Tsugaru," Psyche murmured. He had pulled his knees to his chest, engrossed in Shizuo's story. "They both feel guilty over our deaths and blame themselves."

"I guess they are alike," Shizuo mused with a thoughtful look on his face.

They two sat in silence once again as they thought about their lovers. Psyche absentmindedly fingered the cord of his headphones that was connected to a pink mp3 player in his pocket. He wondered if this had all been fate by some chance. If him, Tsugaru, Izaya, and Shizuo had been brought together by some cosmic force or the similarity of their circumstances.

If that was true, fate was pretty cruel.

* * *

><p>The sky had darkened, and Tsugaru wasn't sure how late it was. He faintly thought that Izaya was probably worrying about him right now, but he couldn't find the will to move. He sat on the bench in the park he had found earlier, still clutching the letter in his hands. The last page sat atop of the rest of the papers, the ending of the past life Tsugaru had forgotten. He had found all the answers to his questions, but now he wondered if it was really worth finding out.<p>

Now that he remembered, it was like he had never forgotten. The memories that he had subconsciously been trying to hide came flooding back. He guessed it was impossible to conveniently get rid of one's memories.

And now he saw Psyche everywhere and the pain was tearing at his heart. He gripped the pages of the letter tightly, the sides wrinkling in his grasp. Tsugaru wondered if he was just meant to be unsuccessful in love. His first lover had died because of him, and Izaya would never love him like he had loved Shizuo. And he wasn't sure if he could love Izaya like he had loved Psyche. It just wasn't the same.

Unknown the Tsugaru, he was being watched by a man. A man who's mouth was open in shock, his eyes wide with confusion, fear, and rage. Kagawa Takashi had successfully evaded the police until now, and he was slightly surprised that Orihara Izaya had not found him yet. But perhaps that was because the man he had killed—or at least _thought_ he had killed—was still alive and sitting on a park bench looking as alive as ever. Heiwajima Shizuo didn't die that day, even though he had heard it on the internet and in rumors going around Ikebukuro. But then why was the man sitting in front of him, all flesh and blood and very much alive?

Kagawa's hands tightened on the steering wheel of his car. He was livid. Here he had thought that Orihara Izaya was suffering like he had, but in reality Izaya was probably laughing at him! His lover was alive after all! Kagawa's hands gripped the steering wheel more tightly as his eyes watched the blonde move up from the bench and start walking to the crosswalk. He watched as the blonde waited for the signal to change and once it did he began to cross the street.

A rage came over Kagawa then, and he stepped on his accelerator. The blonde only looked towards him with shock before the car and body connected. Kagawa watched as he went flying briefly before his body skidded across the street. The blonde then came to a stop, his body crumpled. Kagawa laughed manically inside the car. He pushed down the button to have his window slide down as he called out, "Tell Orihara Izaya that this is what he deserves!" The car then sped away as bystanders panicked and screamed while shooting pictures and videos of the scene.

"Someone call an ambulance!" a voice shouted as some crowded around Tsugaru with excitement and worry.

Tsugaru lay against the concrete, his vision becoming cloudy as his body ached all over. He heard a man shout Izaya's name before he heard a car speeding away and then people shouting to call an ambulance. _Ah…_he thought as he tried to move, but his body hurt too much. _Izaya-san is going to worry about me…_

He smiled bitterly as he felt his consciousness fading to black, the blaring of an ambulance alarm faintly ringing in the background. _There's still so much I have to tell you, Izaya-san…So much that I haven't said yet._

But the world around Tsugaru became dark.

* * *

><p><strong>Sorry it took so long for me to post this, guys. It was a lot harder to write this chapter than I thought due to all the emotion in it. <strong>

**Also, I am fairly certain that this story will be wrapped up in the next chapter. So thanks so much for sticking with me until now! :) I'm so happy you all have enjoyed my story, and I hope you enjoy the last chapter, which I will try to post ASAP, as well. **

**As always, I love your reviews and thanks so much for reading!**

_TooLazytoLogin_: Thank you for your review! I'm glad my story makes you so happy! ^^ And your question will be answered in the next chapter. :)

**-Xaleria**

(1) These lyrics are an excerpt from Korean boy band, Big Bang's, Japanese song called "Koe Wo Kikasete" or "Let Me Hear Your Voice". Translated (according to a lyric website) the lyrics are: "_Although nothing has changed…right now, just that…it's only just that you are not by my side."_ I felt like this lyrics related to my story a lot, as for Tsugaru and Izaya, the world moved on when Psyche and Shizuo died, but for them it was different because they felt their missing presence. Anyway, the full song is really nice; feel free to check it out if you want. :)

(2) Yamado Taro is a stereotypical male Japanese name that is an equivalent of "John Smith" in English.


	9. Chapter 9

**First off, thank you everyone for reading my story! I appreciate all the reviews, alerts, and favorites. :) My reviewers especially are just so awesome, and I definitely want to thank all the people who continuously reviewed my story! You guys rock!**

**I hope you all enjoy the last chapter~**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Durarara or any of its characters.**

* * *

><p>Izaya paced worriedly in his living room, glancing at the clock every so often. It was really late. Where was Tsugaru? He couldn't have been talking to Shiki for this long, could he? Stopping his pacing, he flipped open his cell phone and decided to call Shiki. Just as he was about to dial the Awakusu-kai executive's number his phone started ringing. He looked surprised, not recognizing the number, and answered with a tentative, "Hello?"<p>

"_Hello, is this Orihara Izaya-san?_" a feminine voice asked on the other end.

"Yes," Izaya replied.

"_I'm calling from the Ikebukuro City Hospital, Orihara-san. Currently, we have someone named Tsugaru who's in the middle of operation and you're listed as his emergency contact._"

"What happened?" Izaya asked, his eyes widening as he felt his heart stop for a moment. This couldn't be happening again. Not again. Why was it that everyone close to him always got hurt?

"_He was involved in a vehicular accident earlier tonight and is critical condition. The doctor—_"

"I'll be there in a ten minutes," Izaya cut the lady on the other off before he hung up and ran out of his apartment.

* * *

><p>"I'm here for Tsugaru?" The nurse was surprised when a raven-haired man practically ran up to the desk, out of breath with crazed, worried eyes and a disarrayed appearance. He looked desperate as his scarlet eyes stared at her for an answer.<p>

"Ah, yes, you must be Orihara-san," the nurse blinked, quickly snapping out of her shock and typing away on her computer. "Currently, Tsugaru-san is still in surgery."

"Is he going to be okay?"

The nurse's eyes softened at the look of panic in the raven's eyes. She tried to put her best reassuring smile on, "I'm sorry, Orihara-san, but I wouldn't know the answer to your question. You're going to have to wait until his doctor gets out of surgery."

At her words it seemed like Izaya had lost all his energy. He collapsed to fall to his knees, the nurse panicking for a moment as she called out, "Orihara-san!". But Izaya sat on the ground, looking at it blankly. Tsugaru had to be okay, he just had to be. Izaya wasn't sure if he could lose another important person. He may not love Tsugaru like he loved Shizuo, but he still cared for the blonde man that had somehow found his way into Izaya's heart these past few months.

_Please…_Izaya thought as he shut his eyes, gripping his hands closed tightly. He pleaded to whatever god that would listen. _Please…let him be okay. I can't stand to be alone again._

* * *

><p>Izaya waited impatiently outside of the operating room. His foot tapped rapidly as he folded his hands together tightly. He watched the doors with anxious eyes. The nurse he had spoken to at the receptionist desk sometimes glanced at him with pity and worry, but he didn't really care. He was more focused on when those doors would open. He leaned his head through his arms and looked at the ground. His body trembled slightly with worry and fear, and he wondered if he'd be able to stop himself from crying if the news turned out bad. He wasn't sure if he'd be able to make it alone again. If only they would tell him something…<p>

As if they heard his thoughts, the doors finally swung opened and a doctor stepped out with a sigh. The man's dark eyes looked tired as he pinched the bridge of his nose. Most of his hair was hidden behind a cap, but what Izaya could see he could see dark hair with many gray strands, probably from the stress of his job. The doctor spotted Izaya and walked up to him. His face was serious and devoid of emotion, slightly making Izaya nervous. It was hard to tell whether this man had good news or bad news. "You must be Orihara-san," the doctor greeted, holding his hand out. Izaya shook it as the man gave his name, "I'm Dr. Kobayashi Takaya."

"Is Tsugaru alright?" Izaya asked, biting his lip in worry. The doctor made an expression like he wasn't sure what to tell Izaya.

"He's stable right now and most likely he will live, but…"

"But?" Izaya prompted, hating the word. "Buts" always meant there was bad news following.

"But currently he's in a coma," Dr. Kobayashi sighed. He smiled bitterly, "This reminds me of when I told the same news to Tsugaru-san."

Izaya blinked, confused, "You know Tsugaru, sensei?"

Dr. Kobayashi nodded, "Oh yes, you see I used to be the doctor for his partner, Psyche-san."

"Psyche?" Izaya had never heard of him from Tsugaru. In fact, Tsugaru used to have a partner?

The doctor looked thoughtful as he finally took a look at Izaya, "Yes, in fact, you look a lot like Psyche-san now that I look closely. How are you related to Tsugaru-san, Orihara-san?"

Izaya's head was spinning. He wasn't sure what to think of all of this. If Tsugaru had a lover, why was he trying to get Izaya to fall in love with him then? "Um, we're friends."

The doctor looked like he knew there was more to it than that but he didn't question. "I see. You don't know about Psyche-san, do you?" Izaya shook his head. "Would you like me to tell you a story, Orihara-san?" Izaya looked at the doctor questionably as the doctor smiled softly, "I'll tell you the story of how I came to know Psyche-san and Tsugaru-san."

* * *

><p>Tsugaru wasn't sure when the pain in his body had stopped, but he was glad it did. Pain wasn't a pleasant feeling at all, so of course he hated it. Tsugaru opened his eyes, squinting as he was met with white walls surrounding him. Where was he?<p>

"Thank goodness, you're awake!" a voice cried out in relief as arms suddenly wrapped around him, tears soaking through the front of his yukata. Tsugaru looked down with surprised eyes.

"Psyche?"

The pink eyed young man looked up at Tsugaru, his eyes glassy with tears. He frowned as he punched Tsugaru on the arm, though half-heartedly, "Stupid Tsugaru! You should have been more careful!"

Tsugaru wasn't sure what was going on, but he didn't really care. He just pulled Psyche into his arms, tightly hugging the young man, "I missed you so much, Psyche!"

The surprised look on Psyche's face softened. He returned the hug as he smiled, "I know. I missed you too, Tsugaru."

Tsugaru was content, having Psyche in his arms. He smiled but then something else caught his eye. He looked up, meeting the face of a man who looked just like him. Or the man he looked like. "Heiwajima-san…"

The fake blonde didn't have any emotion in his face as he looked down at Tsugaru. "You can't stay here, you know."

"What?" Tsugaru was shocked by the sudden statement. "Why?" Why couldn't he stay? He had finally been reunited with his Psyche! Like hell he was going back.

"Tsugaru," Psyche interjected as he pushed himself away from the blonde. His eyes looked sad although he weakly smiled, "You're not really dead yet."

"And someone needs to keep Izaya company," Shizuo said rather bitterly. He didn't seem to like the fact that the one who had to do it was Tsugaru, but there was no other choice.

"But…" Tsugaru tried to protest. But he knew they were right. He couldn't just abandon Izaya, and there was still so much Tsugaru had to tell him. But…Psyche was here. And he wanted to be with Psyche. He didn't want to leave him again, it was just too painful. Even with Izaya there, he wasn't sure if he could see Izaya as he saw Psyche.

"Look here," Shizuo growled as he suddenly reached down and pulled Tsugaru up by the collar of his yukata. His hazel eyes were furious. "You're the one that's alive so that means it's up to you to take care of Izaya! You can't just leave him, not when there's no one else to take your place! He already lost me; he doesn't need to lose you too! So get your ass back down inside your body and take care of him!"

"Shizuo-san! Stop that!" Psyche screamed as he tried to pull Shizuo away from Tsugaru. Tsugaru looked torn. He knew Shizuo was right. It wasn't fair to leave Izaya alone to suffer. But how could he just leave Psyche again? He already failed him once! To fail him twice…Tsugaru looked towards Psyche, and somehow the young man understood what he was thinking about.

Psyche gave a reassuring smile to Tsugaru, "Tsugaru, don't worry about me. I'm fine here. You just need to take care of Izaya now. We'll meet up again, even if years from now."

"I'm sorry," Tsugaru's eyes were sad as he tried not to face Shizuo. "But I don't think I can leave you again."

Psyche too looked conflicted between wanting Tsugaru to stay here and returning him to Earth. Shizuo looked absolutely livid. "How dare you," Shizuo snarled as he lifted Tsugaru off the ground, intent on throwing the man as far as he could. He glared dangerously at the man who looked like him, but Tsugaru calmly returned his stare. Shizuo growled and then threw him as far as he could. Tsugaru hit the ground with a nasty sound, and Psyche screamed in horror. Shizuo just stomped up to the man who struggled to get up. The two blondes stared at each other.

"This is no time for you to be thinking of your own feelings!" Shizuo snapped angrily. "I don't give a fuck about how you feel; you can't just abandon **MY **Izaya like this after leading him on this long!"

"I know," Tsugaru said quietly. "I'm sorry."

"THE FUCK YOU ARE!" Shizuo growled as he kicked Tsugaru in the gut. The other blonde coughed as he clutched his stomach.

"SHIZUO-SAN! STOP IT!" Psyche rushed to Tsugaru's side as he glared at the other spirit.

"You heard him!" Shizuo roared at the smaller man as his eyes held the intent to kill. "He just plans to stay in fuckin' limbo with us just so he could stay with you! If I could, I would just go take his damn body right now and return to Izaya then! Then he could just stay here with you and we'd all be fuckin' happy!"

Silence settled. The dead debt collector suddenly stopped yelling as he thought about his words. Psyche also looked thoughtful. Tsugaru's blue eyes suddenly shone with hope. "Why don't you?" Tsugaru finally said, asking the question that was on all of their minds. "Why don't you just take my body? You'd be able to stay with Izaya-san, and I can stay here with Psyche…it's a win-win situation, isn't it?"

The hope that filled Tsugaru's eyes suddenly filled Shizuo's. He had promised Izaya he'd come back, and he had just found out the way to do that. "Yeah, why don't I?" Shizuo suddenly looked excited, "It would just be like possessing your body, wouldn't it? Except permanently this time."

"Exactly!" Tsugaru caught onto the other blonde's momentum. Both of them finally looked like they understood each other. Tsugaru looked down at Psyche, who also looked hopeful about their idea.

His pink eyes turned back to Tsugaru, "It's worth a shot, isn't it?"

Tsugaru smiled, happy that everyone agreed with him. "Psyche, you still have your mp3 player right? Does it still record?"

Psyche nodded, a little confused this time. Tsugaru turned to Shizuo, who also looked a bit confused, "Heiwajima-san, I know you don't exactly like me, but is it alright if I make one request?" Shizuo looked a tad apprehensive at first but nodded. The man was offering his body to him after all. Tsugaru smiled his thanks before he asked Psyche to hand over his mp3 player. He started to record something and the other two, as they listened to words, began to understand.

It would be his final message.

* * *

><p>Izaya sat next to the bed where Tsugaru lay, hooked up to various machines. There was a steady beeping rhythm from the machine that read his heartbeat, and Izaya was relieved. Even though he was in a coma, he was alive. There was hope.<p>

Izaya's mind then suddenly drifted towards what the doctor had told him, and he frowned as he looked at the blonde's peaceful face. He never knew Tsugaru had such a sad past. That Tsugaru was just like him, full of guilt over his lover's death. Trying to move on but finding it hard to do so. Izaya had wondered why Tsugaru never mentioned Psyche before, but he had called Shiki up and had learned the rest of the story from him. He now understood why Tsugaru seemed so attached to him. And why Tsugaru wanted Izaya to love him.

"I'm sorry, Tsugaru," Izaya murmured as he tried his best to smile at the sleeping man. "I'm sorry I couldn't fall in love with you."

The sound of his phone ringing then broke through the moment, and Izaya answered the phone, knowing who it was, "Hello, Mikado-kun. Did you find out what I wanted?"

"_Yes, Orihara-san,_" a young man's voice answered on the other end. Izaya smiled. He wondered when Mikado's shy, blushing self had disappeared completely to be replaced by a confident young man. Although he always knew Mikado had it in him. "_You were correct. Comparing the pictures and videos of the accident online, I have confirmed that the vehicle that hit your friend is registered to Kagawa Takashi._"

"So he's still in Ikebukuro then," Izaya mused, almost wanting to laugh. He knew there was no way that man would leave the country like the police had thought. He was the kind of person who wanted to watch his victim suffer, so he would stay close to where Izaya was. "Did you get an address for me, Mikado-kun?"

Mikado paused on the other end, "_You're not going to do anything stupid, right Orihara-san?_"

"Of course, Mikado-kun," Izaya reassured, although they both knew that by the end of the night, Kagawa would be taken care of so that nothing else like this could happen again.

Mikado just sighed, knowing he wouldn't be able to stop Izaya no matter what he said. He recited an address that Izaya memorized quickly. The raven thanked Mikado and then shut the phone closed. He got up from the chair he had been sitting in and smiled at Tsugaru, "Don't worry, Tsugaru. I'll get take care of everything."

* * *

><p>Kagawa Takashi smiled smugly as he settled onto his couch, a beer in his hands. He wondered what kind of expression Orihara Izaya was making right now. Was he angry, sad, scared, or heartbroken? He didn't really care which as long as the damn man was suffering in some way. Kagawa laughed, happy that he had accomplished his goal. Orihara Izaya got what was coming to him. He took a few sips of his beer, flipping through the channels on his television when there was a knock on the door. "Pizza Delivery!"<p>

Kagawa looked confused and slightly annoyed, _I didn't order any pizza._ He figured the guy just got the wrong door as it was probably the college kid next door who ordered it. Kagawa sighed as he got up from his couch and went to open the door to tell the delivery guy he got the wrong address.

He opened the door and suddenly found himself on the ground, a knife pressed dangerously close to his throat as his front door slammed close. His eyes widened with fear as he saw the malicious look in the scarlet eyes staring him down. "Y-You!"

"Why hello there, Kagawa-san. Remember me?" Izaya smirked as the man tried to move away, but he only pressed his flickblade closer to his neck, watching the man flinch as a small cut appeared and blood started the drip, staining the silver of the blade. "I wouldn't try to move if I were you. I've been pretty clumsy lately, my hand just may slip."

"Fuck you, Orihara!" Kagawa hissed, glaring at the pale man.

"Hm, not in your wildest dreams," Izaya smiled mockingly. "You're just not my type." The man hissed as he tried to squirm out of Izaya's grip again. The knife pressed deeper at his throat. "Now, now, Kagawa-san, can't we just have a nice chat together? There's a lot I want to talk to you about."

"What the hell do you want!" Kagawa snarled.

"What do I want?" Izaya laughed manically, watching with satisfaction as Kagawa started to sweat nervously. "Why, Kagawa-san, it's simple what I want." He was smiling wickedly now as he stared down at Kagawa's frightened eyes. "I want you to suffer…just like Shizu-chan did, and just like Tsugaru did."

Kagawa didn't recognize the other name but had no time to say anything as Izaya suddenly lifted his free hand up, another knife appearing in it, and stabbed down, the knife going through Kagawa's right hand and pinning it to the ground. The man cried out in pain, tears pooling at the corners of his eyes. He tried his best to glare at Izaya, but the fear was evident in his eyes. Surely, someone must have heard him scream, right? Someone would call the cops, wouldn't they?

"Oh, you're all alone, Kagawa-san," Izaya told him in a mockingly sweet voice. He smiled as Kagawa began to be even more deathly afraid of the smaller man. "I made everyone else in your apartment building evacuate because of an 'emergency gas leak check'."

Kagawa didn't doubt him, and he screamed when Izaya impaled his other hand. Blood started to soak through his carpet and his body was trembling in fear and agony. Izaya looked pleased. "Does it hurt, Kagawa-san?" Izaya sneered as he finally released the flickblade from Kagawa's neck, only to slash it across his chest and leave a deep cut. "Do you feel pain? This is practically nothing compared to what you did to Shizu-chan and Tsugaru."

"I don't know any Tsugaru!" Kagawa panted, feeling lightheaded from the blood loss.

"Of course, you're pretty stupid," Izaya stated as he chuckled darkly. "You probably mistook Tsugaru as Shizu-chan and tried to kill him again to get to me, didn't you? Well I'm sorry to say Kagawa-san that the man you ran over today wasn't Shizu-chan, and he didn't die."

"What do you mean he wasn't Heiwajima Shizuo?"

Izaya's smile this time sent shivers down Kagawa's spine. He wasn't sure how to describe it, but there was certainly something almost _inhumane_ about his smile. "Shizu-chan died on that day, Kagawa-san. After all, anyone would die after getting shot in the heart." Suddenly Izaya pulled a gun from his pocket, and Kagawa started to scream and tried to trash about to escape as Izaya pointed the gun straight at his forehead. But his body was pinned tightly to the ground by the knives and Izaya's body holding his own down.

"I wonder what kind of expression you'd make if I put a hole through your head." Izaya laughed as he leaned closer to Kagawa, the expression of his face crazed. "After all, I love humans for the expressions they make!"

"Please!" Kagawa tried to plead as he began to sob. Izaya put his finger on the trigger. "I'm sorry, Orihara-san! Forgive me!"

But Izaya threw his head back laughing, "Sorry? SORRY! You think a 'sorry' will reverse everything you've done?" He threw his head forward so that his face was mere inches away from Kagawa's. "Sorry isn't going to cut it, Kagawa-san."

Four gunshots rang throughout the apartment, and a few minutes later Izaya stepped of it. He put his hands in his pockets and walked away. Once he was a considerable distance away, he pulled out his cell phone and dialed a number. As soon as someone answered on the other end, Izaya didn't let them talk as he swiftly said, "Hello, I'd like to report the whereabouts Kagawa Takashi." He then rattled off the address and before the person on the other end could ask for his name, he hung up the phone.

Some minutes later, police cars parked in front of Kagawa's apartment complex and ran into his apartment. They found the man shriveled on the ground, knives impaled through his hands, gunshot wounds on each of his arms and legs, and his throat considerably injured by a knife.

Later on, after treatment was given, the doctor told Kagawa that he'd never be able to use his arms and legs again due to extensive nerve damage, and Kagawa also could no longer speak due to damage to his vocal cords as well. And of course, Kagawa was arrested and put in prison for life for his crimes. However, the police could never find a trace of evidence to the person that tortured him, and since Kagawa was now mute and paralyzed, he couldn't give a testimony of any kind.

The perpetrator remained a mystery.

* * *

><p>Shizuo looked at the pink mp3 player in his hand and took in a deep breath. He turned to his two companions and offered a small smile to them. "I guess this is it."<p>

Tsugaru and Psyche smiled back at him. The other blonde spoke, "I guess it is." He then hesitated for a moment and then decided it was worth a shot. Tsugaru held his hand out towards Shizuo, "Take care of yourself this time, will you?"

Shizuo looked shocked at the peaceful offering for a moment, but his mouth curled up into a grin as he laughed jovially and shook Tsugaru's hand. "Don't worry, I will."

The two watched as Shizuo started to fade out, returning to Earth. Returning to his lover's side, right where he belonged.

And suddenly, the empty, white space that had surrounded them disappeared. Tsugaru and Psyche looked around with surprise and wonderment as the ground turned into luscious grass and the azure sky appeared with puffs of white clouds. Trees bloomed and pink cherry blossoms fell all around them. Psyche gasped with recognition, tears almost forming in his eyes. He looked up at Tsugaru and saw that he, too, also knew where they were. He looked down at Psyche, his blue eyes twinkling as he smiled so happily. So naturally and instantaneously, they both reached out and linked their hands together.

And then both of them took their first steps into their new heaven together.

* * *

><p>Izaya sat in the chair next to Tsugaru's hospital bed. His scarlet eyes looked tired as he stared at the man to see if there was any difference. Any sign that he might wake up soon. It had been a week.<p>

Over the course of the week, his friends and family came to visit him. Shinra and Celty fussed over his health and tried to get Izaya to leave the hospital once in a while to return home to sleep and shower at least. But once he had done those things, Izaya returned straight to the hospital. Kadota and his gang came to bring get well flowers for Tsugaru. They tried their best to cheer Izaya up, but it didn't do much. Mairu and Kurui, fed up with waiting for Izaya to visit them, finally came to meet their brother. They at first yelled at him for ignoring them, though it was mostly Mairu that did the yelling, but once they were done both of them had burst into tears and had hugged their brother tightly, refusing to let go. Shiki and Akabayashi also came with flowers for Tsugaru.

"So I guess my gift was a good one after all, eh Orihara-kun?" Shiki tried to joke as he smiled at Izaya. The raven smiled weakly in response.

"Don't worry, Orihara-san," Akabayashi tried to reassure. "I'm sure Tsugaru-san will wake up soon."

Izaya thanked the both of them for coming and watched them leave, nurses staring at the two Awakusu-kai executives with wide eyes before scurrying away. Dr. Kobayashi also showed up during the week, saying to Izaya that Tsugaru seemed to be doing well and that he wouldn't be surprised if he woke up soon.

But Tsugaru still remained asleep.

It was Sunday now and Izaya sat by Tsugaru's bed, looking at the blonde. "Come on, Tsugaru," he said as he tried his best to smile jokingly. "How long are you going to make me wait for you?" He could feel the tears threatening to gather in the corners of his eyes. "How long am I going to have to wait for you to come back?" He leaned his head down, trying his best to force back the tears. He shouldn't be crying. It wasn't like Tsugaru was dead yet. There was still hope…there was still…

"I think I like to keep you waiting, flea." The voice was hoarse, but it was playful and it was certainly real.

Izaya snapped his head back up, his eyes widening at those familiar words. Scarlet met blue as the blonde turned his head and smiled at Izaya. "Sh-Shizu-chan?" His voice was hesitant. He almost didn't want to believe it.

But the blonde smiled wider. "I told you I'd find some way to come back to you, didn't I?"

Izaya reached out and touched his face, almost afraid he'd disappear. But he was real, and he was here. "Shizu-chan!" He cried, throwing his arms around the blonde and practically moving to lie on top of the blonde on the bed. He kissed his lover with urgency as their tongues wrapped together, savoring each other's taste and just needing to feel each other. To confirm that this was real and not a dream. Only when the need to breathe became too great did Izaya pull away, an incredulous yet happy look on his face as he gasped for air. Shizuo had moved his hands to hold Izaya's hips as the raven questioned, "Is that really you? Are you going to stay this time?"

Shizuo smiled, and it was almost weird to see Shizuo's smile on Tsugaru's face. "I'm here to stay, flea. Thanks to Tsugaru."

Hearing the other man's name Izaya suddenly realized that Shizuo was in Tsugaru's body. "Wait, where's Tsugaru? How come you…and he…?"

Shizuo laughed at the confused face on his younger lover. He pulled his clasped hand up to Izaya, opening it and revealing a pink mp3 player. "This is from Tsugaru. It's his last message to you."

Izaya took it in his hands, curiously studying it before he turned back to Shizuo. "But how are you here?"

Shizuo sighed as he leaned back, expecting the question. Izaya figured it would take some getting used to seeing Shizuo-like actions in Tsugaru's body. "Do you know about Psyche?"

Izaya nodded, though confused as to how the mysterious past lover of Tsugaru played into all of this. "When I was…dead," Shizuo frowned at that word. "I met Psyche in…I guess, limbo is where we were at. Anyway, because of his accident Tsugaru ended up in limbo briefly and was reunited with Psyche. He didn't want to leave. So he came up with this idea of letting me have his body. After all, I had possessed his body once before. It wouldn't be that hard to do it again if he wanted to permanently leave his body. And by allowing me to return to his body on Earth, he got to stay with Psyche."

"So basically…" Izaya said in thought as he absorbed everything Shizuo said. "Tsugaru gave you back to me."

"Exactly," Shizuo nodded. Izaya looked at Shizuo for a moment, seeing Tsugaru's face. The natural blonde hair, the blue eyes, the crinkles around his face that showed he was more prone to laughter than anger. He was a bit different from Shizuo in the past, but this was Shizuo now. Izaya turned to the pink mp3 player in his hands and he smiled.

"Thank you, Tsugaru."

* * *

><p>"<em>Hello, Izaya-san. I'm sorry I didn't return like I said I would. I'm sorry I couldn't make you fall in love with me. And I'm sorry I couldn't truly love you either. I hope you can forgive me. <em>

_And I hope you know that I did care for you. Even if I didn't love you like I had loved Psyche, you were special to me in your own way. Thank you for taking care of me these past few months. I will always remember the time we spent together and cherish those memories. _

_Hopefully, you are happy now with Shizuo-san. I'm sorry I could never be like him and help you like he would have. But I can see why you never wanted me to replace him. He is, indeed, a special man who truly cares more for you than I did. _

_And please, do not worry about me, Izaya-san. I am happy where I am, and all I want is for you to be happy as well. I am glad that I could bring you and Shizuo-san back together. I believe that was the reason you and I met each other. I believe fate is what brought us to here, now. _

_I hope that someday we can meet again, Izaya-san. And I hope we can start again as good friends. _

_And hopefully, in our next lives, everything will be just right._"

The sound of his voice faded away as the recording came to an end. Izaya smiled as he pulled off his headphones and turned off the pink mp3 player. He took it in his hands and chuckled softly, "Sounds just like him."

"Oi flea, dinner's ready." Izaya smiled as he cheerfully called out "Coming~" to his lover. He opened the drawer on the side of his desk and placed the pink mp3 player inside before shutting it closed. He skipped towards the dining room, smiling when he saw Shizuo busying himself around the kitchen. Izaya thought about what had happened the past couple months.

When Shizuo had first woken up at the hospital, the doctor had been shocked to see Shizuo awake already, but once he checked everything, he said Shizuo (although he still thought it was Tsugaru) was healthy enough and the bones that had been broken in the accident should heal accordingly. Everyone came back to visit once they heard Shizuo had awaken. At first, no one believed that Shizuo really was in Tsugaru's body, but after some embarrassing secrets only Shizuo knew were revealed, everyone agreed that it was indeed Shizuo. Shinra had been excited at that aspect, interrogating Shizuo all about the spirit world before Celty finally dragged the doctor away, but only after expressing how much she was happy that her good friend was back of course.

When Shizuo was finally discharged from the hospital, he and Izaya had found out some surprising things. Some activities that Tsugaru's body was adjusted to doing came naturally to Shizuo. Shizuo, who used to be unable to cook anything but eggs decently, could cook just as well as Tsugaru used to. Shizuo also couldn't find himself going back to regular cigarettes. He took to using Tsugaru's kiseru instead. It also took Shizuo a while to get used to the fact that he didn't have his inhuman strength anymore. He was slightly happy and slightly nervous over this. He was so used to being strong he wasn't sure what use he had anymore. He couldn't go back to being Tom's bodyguard.

But that is when they found out what Tsugaru's job was. He was a painter and a pretty famous one at that. Shizuo, although he never had any artistic experience before, found that he could create masterpieces with no trouble. Although he was a bit apprehensive about the drastic job change in the beginning, he didn't dislike it. And since his old apartment in Ikebukuro had been sold with his death, Shizuo moved in with Izaya. Now the two spent every moment they could together.

Izaya chose to quit being an informant, although he promised Shiki he'd still do jobs for him now and then after seeing how upset Shiki got over the aspect of losing him for good. Mikado offered Izaya a job with his company, and now Izaya just researched successful business tactics and information on rival companies. Having him certainly boosted Mikado's company to the top.

Everything was just perfect…wasn't it?

Izaya sat down at the dining table as Shizuo finished setting it, sitting down himself afterwards. It just felt like something was missing. Sure, he was happy and content now that his Shizuo was back, but there was something more he wanted.

"Shizu-chan," Izaya started as they ate in peace.

"Hm?" Shizuo looked up at his lover.

"What do you think about having kids?"

* * *

><p><strong>Three years later…<strong>

"Aww! Just look at him, Tsugaru! He's like a mini you!" Psyche excitedly looked up from the screen in front of him as he pointed out a small blonde child. The child was about three years old, with blonde locks and large, pink eyes. He wore a white and pink outfit and laughed gleefully at his parents who showed him the newest addition to their family.

Tsugaru smiled at his lover that he held in his arms. "I like the one that looks more like you, though." He pointed to the baby in the parents' arms, a pale head peaking out of white blanket. Tufts of black hair were on the round head as large, innocent golden eyes looked at the older boy. He smiled widely, cooing.

"Tsugaru, you mean he looks like Izaya," Psyche laughed.

"Well, but you and Izaya look alike."

"I guess that's true," Psyche murmured as he let the screen disappear, leaning back against Tsugaru. He smiled, "It seems like everything for them is going well."

"Yeah, it does," Tsugaru said softly. He hugged Psyche tightly with a soft smile on his face. "It's good that they're finally happy."

"Yeah, it is, isn't it?" Psyche looked up, watching cherry blossoms fall around the two of them. "Do you remember the wish you made on the sakura, Tsugaru?"

Tsugaru smiled at the memory, "Of course I do. I wished we'd stay together forever."

"And I said it was silly to wish for something that was already going to come true," Psyche pointed out.

"Yes, and you were right," Tsugaru surprised Psyche by reaching down and quickly kissing him, pulling away with a smile as a blush spread across his younger lover's face. "It did come true."

Psyche smiled triumphantly, "Of course I was right. I love only you, after all."

"Forever and ever," Tsugaru promised as he reached down for another kiss.

* * *

><p><strong>Epilogue<strong>

Tsukishima clasped his hands nervously together as he stared intently at his red train ticket. He really hoped he wouldn't get lost this time. Silently he made a prayer to a god to ensure this. As he was praying, he heard the rustling of clothes as someone came to sit next to him. Curiously, he peeked at his neighbor and saw a man who was probably in his mid-fifties with graying, black hair and startling scarlet eyes, just like Tsukishima's. The man turned and saw Tsukishima staring at him, and he smiled slyly, almost like a cat. "Waiting for the train?"

Tsukishima blinked, at first not comprehending to the man's words. When he realized the man was waiting for an answer he quickly nodded, his cheeks turning pink with embarrassment. The man laughed and Tsukishima's face burned as he quickly looked at his feet. "You remind me of an old friend I used to know," the old man smiled.

Again, Tsukishima blinked, shocked this time before red colored his cheeks again, "Was he as prone to blushes as I am?"

The older man laughed again, "Oh not at all! In fact, he hardly ever showed any emotions on his face." The man then paused before the look on his face softened, "But he was a pure-hearted as you seem."

Confused a bit at his words, Tsukishima opened his mouth to ask what he meant and how exactly he reminded this man of his friend when they seemed quite opposite. But then the announcer was saying something on the speakerphone and the sound of a train filled the station as it screeched to a stop. The older man turned to the train, an anticipating smile on his face as his eyes searched for someone, "Ah, Shizu-chan~! Over here!" Tsukishima looked at who the older man was waving to, seeing a man about the same age as the one beside him, grays threaded through blonde hair, and blue eyes that lit up once they found the raven haired man.

Tsukishima watched the blonde shake his head, although he smiled, as he came up to Tsukishima and his neighbor. "I'm back, flea." Tsukishima thought that was a weird pet name as he watched the blonde pull the raven up and into his arms, giving him a brief kiss on the lips before hugging him. Tsukishima blushed, realizing that they were _that _kind of couple and feeling embarrassed at seeing their intimate moment.

Blue eyes found his, and Tsukishima wondered why they widened with slight shock and curiosity before the blonde smiled at him. "Oh Shizu-chan, I see you've met my companion." The raven turned back to Tsukishima, his face looking expectant.

It was then Tsukishima realized they wanted his name and he stumbled over his words for a moment as he got up and hurriedly bow to greet them, "H-he-hello! I'm Tsukishima!"

"Tsukishima, eh?" the man called Shizu-chan looked a bit amused as he held his hand out towards Tsukishima. "Nice to meet you, kid."

Tsukishima tentatively shook his hand back. He then learned the man's real name was Shizuo and that the raven that had sat beside him was Izaya. He watched as the both of them started to chat with each other, briefly stopping to bid Tsukishima goodbye, before they headed to leave the train station. He caught bits of their conversation, hearing Shizuo ask about two people called Delic and Hibiya, before they disappeared completely.

Tsukishima then let out a sigh, suddenly feeling kind of lonely. He was about to sit back down in his seat when the gust of wind from the train leaving swept his ticket out of his hands. He quickly chased after it, almost running into several people and falling to the ground. "Wait!" he called out, as if the ticket would actually stop and wait for him.

The wind then disappeared, the ticket gracefully falling to the ground in front of black shoes. A pale hand reached down to grab it just as Tsukishima burst from the train crowd, panting for breath and looking a bit panicked. He spotted the red ticket and shouted out, "That's mine!"

Eyes as red as his own turned to him curiously. Tsukishima felt all his breath leave him as his eyes widened, taking in the raven-haired pale beauty before him. A lithe figure, clothed in all black with a coat trimmed with red fur hanging at his elbows, turned to Tsukishima with a somewhat blank expression.

He looked at the ticket in his hands and held it out to Tsukishima, "Here you go."

"Thank you," Tsukishima said very shyly and quietly, taking the ticket in his hands.

The other male just shrugged and an awkward silence settled between them. Tsukishima blushed, not sure of what to do now, before he babbled something out of nervousness, "I'm Tsukishima, by the way." His face turned redder, and he inwardly scolded himself thinking, _Stupid. He didn't ask for your name._

It took a moment, but a small smile appeared on the raven's face, "I'm Hachimenroppi."

He wasn't sure why, but Tsukishima felt his heart skip a beat as he shyly smiled in response. This guy was oddly…attractive to him. And he wanted to know more about him. Before he realized what he was saying, he asked, "Do you like to cherry blossoms?"

Hachimenroppi seemed a bit confused at first but nodded anyway. This made Tsukishima's heart swell with happiness and hope, something he wasn't quite fully comprehending but accepting anyway. "I know this park nearby that has a bunch of sakura trees in bloom this time of the year. It's quite beautiful to watch actually. W-would…would you like to come with me?"

Again, Hachimenroppi looked a bit confused. "Aren't you waiting for a train?"

Tsukishima blushed once again, realizing that he was right. But he didn't want to quite leave this young man yet. There was just something about him…"It's okay. I can take the next one."

Hachimenroppi laughed at that, his voice sounding like bells to Tsukishima. The raven's scarlet eyes seemed curious and a bit a happy, "Alright, I'll go with you."

The two walked in silence to the park, Hachimenroppi humming a tune while Tsukishima tried to keep his face from blushing more as questions swirled around in his mind. What was he going to do now that Hachimenroppi agreed to go with him? Why did he ask him out in the first place? Was this considered 'asking him out'? Does that mean this was a date? Did he want it to be a date?

They arrived to the park too soon and Tsukishima found he had no answers. But as the two found a patch of grass to sit on, they both couldn't help but watch the sakura fall in awe.

"Ne," Hachimenroppi started slowly as he brought his knees to his chest, crossing his arms on top of them. "If these sakura were shooting stars, what would you wish for?" Tsukishima was a bit shocked to hear Hachimenroppi speak for so long. He turned to his companion, seeing that he was waiting for an answer.

"That's a lot of wishes," Tsukishima murmured as he looked back at the pink blossoms falling.

"That's not an answer," Hachimenroppi grinned as Tsukishima blushed again.

Tsukishima paused in thought. He then brightened as something came to mind and he turned to Hachimenroppi with a dazzling smile. "I guess I'd wish to meet you again."

Hachimenroppi blinked, shock evident across his face, before he hid his face in his crossed arms. Even though Tsukishima worriedly called out his name, Hachimenroppi didn't want him to see the embarrassed yet happy look on his face as he inwardly thought, _I won't tell him that I wished for the same thing._

* * *

><p><strong>And thus, this is the end of my first Durarara Shizaya story! :) To be terribly honest, it was supposed to be TsugaruIzaya, but as the plot panned out in my head and as I saw what reviewers were saying, I have to say, Shizaya just stole my heart in the end. ^^**

**So thank you to infinity and beyond to all my reviewers! I love you guys and really can't thank you enough for your encouraging words!**

**Also big thanks to all of those who put this in their favorites (there was a lot you!) and I can't express in words how happy it makes me that you all enjoyed and loved my story. **

**Really, thank you so much for reading **_Bringing Back the Dead_ **and enjoying it until now. :D**

_Akemi: _Thank you so much for keeping track of my story since I first posted and taking the time to review! :D I'm flattered you think my story is so good and well thought out. I hope you've enjoyed the ending as well

_ShizayaFangirl_: Haha, so I'm guessing you enjoyed my ending since it ended Shizaya? :) I can't help but agree with you, Shizaya just had to come back. I love them too much to really kill off Shizuo.

_CrazyIchigo9102_: First, I apologize that it's actually taken me this long to respond to your reviews. XD Normally, I personally send responses to each signed review but kept forgetting I wasn't allowed to PM you. So thank you for taking the time to review my story! And I'm glad that it was interesting enough to keep you glued to your computer screen. :D

_Cagallikushinarafika:_ Also, I'm sorry it's taken me this long to respond to your review too! First off, thank you for being my first reviewer ever for this story and encouraging me to continue! :) It is actually because of your review that I decided to. I'm sorry it didn't end up TsugaruxIzaya but I hope you were able to enjoy it anyway!

**-Xaleria**


	10. Omake: Forever and Ever

**Ah, so, **_kamihanazono_ **mentioned that I should write a fic about 50-year-old Shizaya since they both made an appearance in the epilogue. :) As much I would love to write a fic, I am currently working on many other Shizaya fics and wouldn't have the time to juggle one more.**

**But, I did want to write a short one shot about them because old Shizaya is just so cute! And there's not enough of older Shizaya. ^_^ So I hope you guys enjoy this extra which is supposed to be a kind of "after everything" story.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Durarara or any of its characters.**

* * *

><p>The morning sun filtered through the cream colored curtains, falling across his face that scrunched up with displeasure. He didn't want to wake up yet because he just felt so <em>comfortable<em> where he was, but a quick going through his mind for the day told him it was a Saturday, which meant company was coming over and he'd have to get up sooner or later.

"Mmm," Izaya slowly opened one scarlet eye as he yawned, stretching his body to get rid of the kinks and sighing with relief as his bones cracked, releasing the set tension in them. Aging wasn't a pleasant thing, and sadly, unlike he wished he couldn't physically stay 21 forever; although he thankfully—because he kept up his parkour exercises—could still enjoy some things he did when he was 21. Namely things that involved his limbs being tangled up with that of his partner's…Smiling slightly at the thought of what he and his partner did in bed, he moved to get out of the bed only to be pulled back in it, strong arms, despite their age, wrapping around him.

"S'not time to wake up yet…" a deep voice moaned as his partner snuggled his face closer to Izaya's back, blonde locks with grays threaded through them tickling his bare skin. Izaya ran his hand through his own graying raven hair, chuckling lightly at his lover's actions.

Izaya's crimson eyes softened as he twisted his body around to face Shizuo. Tired blue eyes stared back at him. Even though it had been thirty-five years since Shizuo had returned in Tsugaru's body, it was still sometimes weird to see Tsugaru's face but know that it was Shizuo. "Stupid protozoan," Izaya murmured teasingly as he reached out to lightly kiss Shizuo's nose. "It's Saturday, remember? Delic and Hibiya are supposed to bring Himika over."

The sound of his golden-eyed, blonde little angel's name roused Shizuo awake as he sighed and forced himself up. Izaya almost laughed. Shizuo would do anything for their precious little granddaughter.

Izaya again moved to get up and start breakfast, but Shizuo grabbed his arm and led him towards the bathroom instead. "Nu-uh, flea. Once Himika is here, we won't get any time to spend alone together. I'm using what precious little time I have left with you wisely."

"Ack, Shizu-chan, stop it!" Izaya tried to protest as his lover's hands slid up his shirt, moving to pull it off. "They'll be here any minute! I need to go start breakfast!"

"They can wait to eat," Shizuo growled as he pulled off Izaya's shirt and threw it aside. He began to kiss the curve of Izaya's neck, his teeth biting down as his tongue flashed out and licked the pale flesh.

"Aahnn…" Izaya moaned this time as his protesting became weaker. "Sh-Shizuo…stop…" But the blonde just smirked and continued his actions, his hands slowly making their way down the stretch of Izaya's torso to the waistline of his shorts, sliding past the fabric an—

The doorbell ringing interrupted them and in Shizuo's brief moment of distraction, Izaya pulled away and hastily pulled his shirt back on. The raven glared warningly at his partner as he stomped out of the bathroom. "Tch," Shizuo mumbled as crossed his arms, following his lover towards the front door. It was too bad that Delic and Hibiya were now grown adults and he couldn't ground them anymore. The moment the door opened, a small little girl no older than five with bright golden eyes like honey and bouncing blonde waves ran into the apartment.

"Shi-chan!" her cheery voice squealed as her small feet made their way towards Shizuo.

A wide smile broke out into the blonde's face as he bent down and swopped his granddaughter into his arms, twirling her around in the air as she giggled in delight. "There's my little princess!" Shizuo stopped spinning her but still carried her in his arms as he kissed her forehead and her cheeks.

"Really dad, you spoil her too much," a tired and slightly annoyed voice rang out. Shizuo turned to look at his younger son whose golden eyes, much like Himika's, stared at them exasperatedly. Shizuo had to admit that if Hibiya's eyes were as red as Izaya's, he'd the spitting image of Izaya when irritated.

"She's my granddaughter, I can spoil her all I want," Shizuo huffed as he let Himika down so she could go greet her other grandfather with a kiss on the cheek.

"Hi Iza-chan," Himika greeted Izaya with a large, childlike smile. Izaya smiled softly and lovingly down at her.

"Hello Himika, you hungry?" Izaya asked as he sent a knowing look towards Shizuo. "I'm sorry breakfast isn't ready yet, Shi-chan was bullying me this morning."

"Oh, dad was only 'bullying'?" Izaya turned to glare at his older son who smiled innocently, his pink eyes twinkling with mirth. At the age of 31, Delic looked almost exactly like how Shizuo used to. Tall, creamy skin, and his blonde hair falling in perfect disarray above his pink eyes.

"Not in front of Himika, Delic," Izaya warned, Himika curiously looking up and wondering what they were talking about.

"Of course, papa, whatever you say," Delic snickered, only to be surprised when Shizuo came up from behind him and smacked his hand down on his shoulder. "Ah…hi there, dad."

Shizuo's smile was seemingly innocent although the hand that squeezed Delic's shoulder was all but soft. For an old guy, Shizuo was still pretty strong. "Don't make fun of your father, Delic. Also, don't you guys usually come later?"

"We came a bit earlier because we won't be able to stay the night this time," Hibiya informed them as he picked Himika up and shoved her into Shizuo's arms, causing the older man to let go of Delic. The younger blonde looked at his lover with grateful eyes.

"How come you won't be able to stay the night?" Shizuo asked as Himika playfully began to ruffle his hair, pulling out little bow clips from her jacket pocket and placing them haphazardly throughout his blonde locks.

"Hibiya has a performance in Kyoto tomorrow night," Delic told them with an apologetic smile. "So we have to leave by tonight to get there by morning in time for his final dress rehearsal. I also wanted to look out for new talents in Kyoto."

"Ah," both the older blonde and raven said, knowing they couldn't do anything about it. They had been a bit surprised when their youngest son decided to become kabuki actor, but his talent for it was undeniable. He quickly became one of the most prominent and best kabuki actors in Japan. Delic, on the other hand, ran a very successful record label and talent agency. His company was currently in charge of several popular idol groups.

Speaking of their sons, both Shizuo and Izaya smiled at each other as they thought about how shocked both of them had been when they found out their sons were in love with each other. It hadn't been very pleasant in the beginning. But since Delic and Hibiya weren't really related by blood, being that they were birthed by surrogate mothers with Shizuo fathering Delic and Izaya fathering Hibiya, there wasn't really anything truly wrong with their relationship. And who were Shizuo and Izaya to stop them from loving each other? They knew what it was like to not have the one they loved. They didn't want their sons to feel that way too.

"Shi-chan, Iza-chan!" both of the adults looked down at their granddaughter who looked up at them with excited eyes. She held up the box of the game Othello in her hands. "Daddy got me this new game, will teach me how to play?"

Izaya smiled and bent down to be at the little girl's eye level, "Of course we will! Come on, let's go set it up and I'll explain the rules to you while Shi-chan makes breakfast."

"Why do I have to make breakfast?" Shizuo whined, pouting because he also wanted to play with his granddaughter.

"Because Himika loves Shi-chan's chocolate chip pancakes the most!" Himika chirped out, smiling so sweetly at Shizuo that he couldn't bear to let her down. He went off to the kitchen to make Himika some of his chocolate chip pancakes, which—he noted with a small smile as he got all the ingredients—had actually been Tsugaru's favorite breakfast.

Delic and Hibiya sat on the couch, watching and sometimes interjecting as Izaya taught Himika how to play Othello. Once Izaya was finished, Delic challenged his daughter to a game and Hibiya watched, cheering on his daughter who outwitted her father. Izaya chuckled, walking to kitchen and seeing that Shizuo had finished making a grand breakfast feast. "Hm, don't you think that's a little too much, Shizu-chan?"

"Himika is a growing girl," was all Shizuo pointed out as he grabbed some plates and headed to the dining table. Izaya just laughed, grabbing the rest of the plates and following. They called their sons and granddaughter to the table, saying that it was time to eat. As they ate, Himika happily chatted with Shizuo, bragging that she had beaten her father easily at Othello. Delic feigned hurt, saying he only lost for the sake of his daughter. Izaya and Hibiya just rolled their eyes at their silly blonde lovers, chuckling.

Hours later, Hibiya was sitting on the couch, reading a book as Delic napped with his head on Hibiya's shoulder. Himika was sitting in Izaya's lap as they both sat on Izaya's swivel chair, looking through an old photo album together. Shizuo sat not too far away, just watching them both with a smile.

"Wah~! Iza-chan, you look so much like papa!" Himika pointed to an old picture of Izaya in high school, his black gakuen uniform jacket smaller than it was supposed to be, his red v-neck standing out against it. In the picture, he was laughing while he was running away, Shizuo angrily chasing him from behind with a desk in his hands. Himika frowned as she looked more closely at the picture, "That looks like Shi-chan, but the eyes are different. Who's that, Iza-chan? Shi-chan's twin?"

Izaya blinked, doing a double take of the picture. He then smiled, "That is Shi-chan, Himika."

"But how come he looks different?" Himika asked with a curious expression.

Izaya laughed, ruffling his granddaughter's blonde hair. "Because that's how Shi-chan looked before."

"What do you mean, Iza-chan?"

Izaya paused before his lips curled into a small, almost sad smile, "Do you want to hear a story, Himika?"

The girl's eyes widened with curiosity as she nodded her head with a wide smile. Izaya smiled at her cuteness before he started, "Well, this story all begins with a friend of mine. A friend who helped me bring Shi-chan back from the dead."

* * *

><p>Himika had fallen asleep against Izaya by the time he had finished his story. His eyes softened as he gently placed a kiss on her forehead, carefully lifting her up. Delic and Hibiya were both packing up Himika's toys and games to get ready to leave.<p>

"How come you never told us that story, papa?" Hibiya questioned as he finished packing up Himika's stuff. His golden eyes curiously looked at his father. "Is it true?"

"It's a story all in the past now," Izaya sighed as he let Delic take Himika from his arms. His eyes were a bit dazed, lost in the past that had happened so long ago as a sad smile marred his face.

Hibiya studied his father's expression, his mind going back to the story. He never knew his parents' past was so complicated. That his father, once upon a time, had been dead. That he had been a different man from who he was now. It all seemed too surreal…

"We better get going, Hibiya," Delic interrupted his thought process as he picked up Himika's bags while carefully making sure he didn't wake up the girl in his arms. Both of them bid their fathers goodbye, leaving with promises of coming over next weekend.

Once the door was shut behind them, Izaya just stood in front of it, crossing arms across his chest as he sighed. Shizuo wrapped his arms around his partner from behind, placing his chin on Izaya's shoulder. "You okay?" he asked softly.

"Yeah," Izaya sighed in response, smiling reassuringly at his lover. His scarlet eyes looked upward at the roof then, "But sometimes I wonder…What if they're not really happy? What if they wanted to live together, just like we did? What if," his voice almost choked at this point as he tried to force back the swelling of emotions in his chest, "What if Tsugaru regrets what he did? Giving you his body?"

"Izaya," Shizuo started, frowning as he pulled away and spun his lover around to face him. The look on his face was serious, "Don't think that way. This is what Tsugaru wanted. He wanted you to be happy."

"I know," Izaya said, although he didn't sound too sure. "But sometimes…"

"Shh," Shizuo put a finger to Izaya's lips, shaking his head. "Just stop thinking about _what if's_. Instead, why don't you think about all the things Tsugaru _did_ tell you? Those things that were _real._ He told you not to worry, didn't he? He told you that he was happy where he was, and that he wanted you to be happy. He said he was glad he brought us back together. Does that sound like he regretted giving his body to me?"

"No," Izaya admitted, smiling softly. He looked up at Shizuo, pure love and adoration in his eyes, "You're right. I'm sorry."

"Of course I'm right," Shizuo smiled smugly.

"Oh shut up and kiss me already before the moment's over, you stupid protozoan."

And Shizuo did just that, leading his lover to the bedroom to do more than just kissing.

* * *

><p>"Tsuki?" The blonde heard the shuffling to his side and rolled over, meeting the scarlet eyes of his lover of five years. He smiled and kissed the pale forehead of his lover.<p>

"What's the matter, Roppi?" Tsukishima looked down at the raven who blushed slightly at the show of affection and in slight shyness. He reached down and felt around for Hachimenroppi's hand hidden beneath the sheets. When he found it he grasped it and intertwined their fingers, smiling as Roppi's face became redder. He was just so adorable sometimes. "What's on your mind?"

"I was just thinking about how we met," Roppi murmured so softly that Tsukishima almost didn't catch it. "It's a bit funny when I realize the reason we met was all because of a train ticket."

"And I'm thankful for that train ticket," Tsuki pointed out with a light chuckle.

"But I wonder…" Roppi mused as he looked away from Tsukishima, a deep blush coloring his cheeks. "Why did you invite me out that day?"

Tsukishima paused, a bit taken aback by the question. He wasn't really sure himself, although now he was glad that he did ask Hachimenroppi out. It had been the best thing that ever happened to him. "To be honest, I'm not sure why. I just felt attracted to you…like love at first sight."

The blush already dusting Hachimenroppi's cheeks darkened as he stammered, "I-Id-Idiot! That's embarrassing! Don't say that!" He half-heartedly punched Tsukishima's arm before burying his face into a pillow, his ears as red as his face.

Tsukishima just smiled widely at his lover's embarrassment as he moved over to hover slightly above Hachimenroppi. He kissed the back of his ear, feeling his lover shiver slightly at the touch. "I love you, Roppi," he whispered in his ear, smiling as he saw his lover's scarlet eyes peek out slightly from the pillow, a small smile on Roppi's face before he turned around to face his lover fully.

"I'll love only you," Tsuki promised. "Forever and ever."

He sealed the promise with a kiss.

* * *

><p><strong>GAHH! I love Tsuki and Roppi. They're both just so adorable~! :3 Haha, I don't know if my 50-year-old Shizaya is any different from younger Shizaya…but I hoped you guys enjoyed it anyway! :D<strong>

**Thank you for reading and reviewing~!**

**-Xaleria**


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